The birds are singing and chirping loudly outside my window again at 6am. At first I was like....damn noisy burds. But then I realized, that this means it's spring again!

Plus the huge snow piles on my lawn have FINALLY melted. YAY!

You know what is scary? Knowing that you are completely responsibile for everything a child knows/ needs to know about a particular subject.

There is a whole class of grade four students whose knowledge of rocks and minerals is based commpletely on what I taught them...

That is how it should be I guess, because those kids should receieve the best learning experience they can have, and fear can be a powerful motivator. And I don't mean fear in a bad way like omg I am scared to teach these kids...I mean in a way that many people feel when doing an important aspect of their jobs; as in, I have got to do a thorough job and do this well, because this is imporatant. If that makes sense...it does in my head, but at the moment I don't know if I am really expressing what I mean very well...

Another Valentine's Day spent...I was going to say alone, but not alone. Single. There is a difference. I had my friends and family around, so that makes it not alone. Just single. A world of difference.

I heard this lyric in a song today, and it blew my mind. probably one of the best lyrical expressions I've ever heard.

We'll have no regrets, only life experiences.

I must be getting old. They tried to sell me life insurance yesterday.

Is excited because the BRACES have FINALLY come OFF!!! And now she is scheduled for a Film Shoot tomorrow, Friday, and Saturday!

That update is from the day before, but wasn't published...what that means is yesterday (Tuesday) was my first day on set. My first day ever on a film set...I'm on my way baby...

Seriously, that is what I thought as I walked in and signed in....this is it, I'm on my way...

My BRACES ARE COMING OFF TODAY AT 12:00 NooN!

Hip Hip HOORAY!

Gum and Peanuts ( and everything else I haven't been able to eat for the past 2 something odd years), here I come...

I am going to be a Calendar Girl...literally! My theatre group is going to be producing a calendar to be released next fall, for the 2009 year. I am going to be one of only 12 models they are using, and the first shoot is schedueled for this Saturday morning. I am very excited about it, I think it's going to be a lot of fun. And it's something elseI can to my acting resume under the "print" work. I just think it's a really cool thing to do...

Plus, my braces are COMING OFF ON MONDAY!!!!!!! After Monday at lunchtime it will be bye bye braces (yes, hello retainer) but good bye to braces FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

YaaaaaaaaaY! Let's celebrate!

And I will...be trying to eat all the foods...or at least most of them...that I haven't been allowed to for the past two years, including nuts and gum! I have really missed gum :(

Bye Bye Braces!

This is not what I want to do anymore. York is doing nothing but holding me back, I want to break free. I'm stuck in a weird limbo waiting for them to get their act together enough to find my damn placement, the lack of teaching for 3 weeks is holding me back, stopping me from pursuing anything else, from what I want. I can hardly stand it anymore. It's so oppressive, above my head, pressing down on my shoulders, when all I want to do is act. Find an agent, push andf push myself because I know I can do it. It'll be hard, it'll be hard work, and I know that. I'm scared, it's actually kind of terrifying, yet exilerating at the same time. But I know that I can do it if I get the chance, rather if I take the chance. That's all I'm asking right now, is to be able to take that chance. Screw you York. *said in a bitter and disappointed tone*

I don't remember the last time I felt so absolutely single...

BUT...

I won't settle for anything less than the butterflies.

My braces are finally coming off on OCTOBER 15TH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is so frickin awesome, fantastic, exciting, stupendous, life altering, changing everything!!!!!!!

It has been a very long 2 and something odd years. I will only have to wear a retainer then, and will be able to take it out for pictures and eating of foods I have greatly missed. I am going to have a party eating all the things I haven't been able to the last few years, including gum, nuts, ribs, corn on the cob, and many ecteras.

17 days til my braces come off baby, only a little over 2 weeks!

Boo-Ya!!!!!

I can hardly wait.....

"Well-behaved women rarely make history"

Does this statement strike you as true or what? It certainly does for me...when I think back about the famous or infamous women I have learned about in history, very few of them were well-behaved or willing to conform to what other expected. They were strong, passionate, and lived life by their own set of rules and expectations. Now, to clarify, to me well-behaved does not necessarily mean polite or anything like that in this instance. You can have good manners and social grace and still not be well-behaved.

I knew there had to be a reason for the way I act...fiercely independant and an unwillingness to submit to what other people push for, a passion and compassion for life and the people and things in it...

...Maybe one day I'll be destined for greatness...

...In acting anyways I hope...

...Perhaps more...

I am so in love with Mike Rowe, host of that fascinating show called Dirty Jobs. He is so hot, and talented, and entertaining....he has the best sense of humour, and a self confidence that you can't help but find sexy.

And who doesn't love a dirty boy?

We all take different pathes to where we're going. Even if we are trying to get to the same place, we all have to make our own way there. Sometimes I need to remind myself of that.

The conflict between who you are and who you want to be, the conflict between where we are and where we could be.

I miss my cousin. And I miss who he used to be. Before the drugs and alcohol started to control his life. Before he got addicted, and had to drink to excess. The person he was before his own mother said he can't be trusted with money. The person he was before a lot of the things I saw happen. I don't think my family (the older members aka parents ect) realize how much I know, how much I've seen. We are close in age, when he lived near by we used to hang out. I went to his parties, he came to mine. I saw what he drank and how much, and what he smoked. I saw what his friends drank and smoked. I never included myself in that, but I saw it all the same. I saw how he changed, and that he was becoming addicted. Or at least I do now, I don't know if I truly recognized that he was an addict when I was younger, but I knew he had a problem. I remember so clearly saying to my mother after one particular incident, that I didn't want to be around him when he was doing things like that. It made me uncomfortable, and it scared me. And I don't want to lose him, he is like my older brother, and it would break my heart. But he is 27 and I can't fix it for him, I can't change it for him. His parents can't change it for him, he has to do it. But I am scared that he never will, I am scared he will continue down this path of destruction until he does something stupid in an intoxicated state that kills him, or the drugs and alcohol just wear out his body. I am terrified of losing my cousin. I already lost one cousin years ago, I couldn't stand to lose another one. But I don't know what I can do....his family is not staging an intervention, they are trying to help him through it...I wish I had said to him years ago that I didn't want to be around him when he did things like that, instead of saying it to my mom. It might have done some good, or it might not have, it might just have alienated him further from me. I don't love him any less, but I am scared for him. He is not the same person he used to be because the addiction controls his life, controls him. I just hope that he will come out of it all okay.

There's something about Gary Cooper that is so sweet and endearing that it almost breaks my heart to watch him. He has such an honest, open face that I completely believe whatever role he is acting. I'm watching the movie Meet John Doe again, and it just amazes me every time, I can't stop watching it. He is such an amazing actor, probably one of the most honest, sincere actors I have ever seen.

When I was talking with my grandma on the phone on fathers day/her birthday/my dads birthday, she said that my dad was the first fathers day present my grandpa ever got. And I just thought that was so beautiful, and touching, and it brought tears to my eyes. And to take the words from something I heard on tv tonight, I'm going to try more and remember my grandpa with a smile on my face when I talk about him, rather than tears.

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Life is fine! Today I got new books, rented a bunch of movies I have really been wanting to watch, bought new sunglassess and a new purse ON SALE, have triple chocolate ice cream, and apple pie. Also, I am officially Stage Manager for this years production of SW again. I am so happy, life is great! And best of all, no lessons to plan and stress about. I know I'm going to be stressed out in the fall when I have to finish up my teaching time, but for now I am DONE, with time to actually relax and enjoy myself for a change. Which is something I haven't really done for about 8 months. This really has been the year from hell, right now I am just glad to be able to take some time to recouperate and have some fun. All these things have made me so happy...they're not huge complex things, simple really, having a new book to read ect...but doesn't that tell you something about how stressed and time crunched my life has been that these simple pleasures give me such an immense joy and satisfaction? Me is very happy and content right now :)

I am very sad. I should be teaching my kids drama and language this afternoon, instead I am not teaching them at all. I miss them. This is the hardest part of leaving my school, leaving the kids I have bonded with...

So it's been awhile since I posted last. School has been INSANE. I love working with the kids, it's dealing with the other ridiculous crap I'm sick of. Long story short, I've been treatly very unfairly and I've had to deal with a lot of meanness and bitchiness. I'm done at the school I was at, and I've got to do a bunch of paperwork and junk to be able to defer it. I can't wait til this is over...I'm counting down the monthes until my braces can come off, and I can go out and get my new headshots done and find an agent so I can take my shot at the acting world.

so fucking tired and stressed from school. And no time to write, or act, or do any of the creative stress relieving things that I love to do. AND I went for my blood test this morning...they took FOUR freaking vials of blood from me, what are they, vampires? That is too much, they don't need to test for THAT many things. Exhuatsed, and I don't know if it's from having blood taken, or stress, or not enough sleep, or anemia, or a combination or what. I should do work, but I am light headed and exhausted so I think I am going to go lie down again.

Okay, I really dislike this switching over from old blogger to new blogger thing. The last 3 times i tried it wouldn't work for me, hence it's been awhile since I updated.

After a week of crazy emotional school stress, I had a scary end to top it all off.

Last night when we had stopped at my Nana's, a fire broke out on her balcony while my mum and I were there. It was scary as hell, and I had to call 911 and all the firefighters and police officers and everyone came. Fortunately no one was hurt, but it confusing and scary and stressful. Needless to say, I have stayed home from my school today as I am exhausted and shaken. I'll write more about it later probably, right now it's just too fresh and in my mind and I'm too emotional.

I'm not going to be a victim of mediocrity/ One day I'm going to make it/ You'll see my face up on the big screen

I am worth $2,203,092 on HumanForSale.com
How much are you worth?

I'm not going to be a victim of mediocrity. I'm not going to be an unknown. As soon as I'm done teachers college I am going to put myself out there. I am going to get an agent. I am going to take my chance on the acting world. I am going to make it.

If I can just make it through this, I will be able to say I faced the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and it didn't stop me, I got through it.

But it's so hard and I'm so tired of tears and stress. Teachers college wasn't supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be hard work but it was supposed to be fun too. It was something I've worked towards for years, it wasn't supposed to drag me down. I hate the fact that I feel like this. If I could go back in time I wouldn't choose this school again, I'd apply other places. But I can't change that now, and I'm NOT going to let this thing beat me. But it's so hard and I'm so tired of being stressed and worrying all the time. If I can just make it through this, I know I'll be able to make it through anything.

'Cause this big ol' world ain't ready for a little girl like me

I'm not going to be a victim of mediocrity

I wrote this in an email to my friend, and while I've been very honest about how I've felt and been dealing with teachers college, I think I captured the emotions and meaning pretty well in this email so I thought I'd share it...

Growing up certainly is wild, it's more than wild, it's emotional, exciting, scary, and just as full of highs and lows as being a teenager ever was! lol Teachers College...well, it's going. It has become an all consuming, crazy stressful experience. It's probably the most stressful thing I've ever done. I love working with the kids, but there's a whole lot of other stressful crap and people to deal with that really have nothing to do with teaching. Like almost every single person in my program, I've come to the conclusion that teachers college really is nothing like the teaching world, it's a very strange, very stressful artificial situation. Mind you, apparently a lot of the stress is just York...I keep hearing stories of all these people at other universities who are board and saying their school is a bird course....I'm wishing for a little of that about now! :P But anyways I'm surviving...barely lol, But as for the not going crazy, I can't vouch for that...

I really, really HATE being sick. Not only did I have to miss school, and teaching my lessons, this week, but this is the second weekend of going out fun that I have missed. I was sooooo sick last weekend, I got an uber bad case of the flu. I got sick a week ago friday, and was out for the whole weekend...I had a fever til monday! And even once the fever broke I could barely walk, I was all dizzy and weak. And the sysmptoms just like, morphed into something else once the fever was gone. My throats been killing me, my nose was running like a tap, and now is completely stuffed up. It seems like all I've been doing the past couple days is blow my nose, and clear my throat, and cough. And I still feel like crap. This really sucks. And I've still had stuff that was due and I had to hand in at my clsses this week...it's real fun trying to do work when you're sick. I haven't been this sick, Really sick, in awhile. I hope I get better soon, cause I'm still so wiped and sick and feeling like crap. :(

What a night, what a night. It was a very interesting night out with my girls, both good and bad happenings going on. It started a little slow, but boy oh boy did it pick up later on. My best friend D was home from Alberta so she came out with, and that was awesome. Also, whenever B, M and I go out all together, crazy things seem to happen and we always end up with interesting stories. Going out with my girls again tomorrow, and we'll see what that evening has to hold...:D

Caught between who I am and who I want to be.

That so completely describes where i am right now. It's like Bon Jovi was reading my mind/soul with that line, that song. I want to be a teacher, but I don't want to be. This program is burning me out in terribly stressful manner. I want to be an actor, right now...but I want to finish what I started with teachers college. I know I've been posting a lot of song lyrics lately, but this song so completely describes how I'm feeling, and probably in a more coherant way than I could right now.


"Welcome To Wherever You Are"
Bon Jovi

Maybe we're different, but we're still the same
We all got the blood of Eden, running through our veins
I know sometimes it's hard for you to see
You come between just who you are and who you wanna be
If you feel alone, and lost and need a friend
Remember every new beginning, is some beginning's end

[Chorus]
Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life, you made it this far
Welcome, you gotta believe
That right here right now, you're exactly where you're supposed to be
Welcome, to wherever you are

When everybody's in, and you're left out
And you feel your drowning, in a shadow of a doubt
Everyones a miracle in their own way
Just listen to yourself, not what other people say
When it seems you're lost, alone and feeling down
Remember everybody's different
Just take a look around

[Chorus]
Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life, you made it this far
Welcome, you gotta believe
That right here right now, you're exactly where you're supposed to be
Welcome, to wherever you are

Be who you want to, be who you are
Everyones a hero, everyones a star
When you wanna give up, and your hearts about to break
Remember that you're perfect, God makes no mistakes

[Chorus]
Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life, you made it this far
Welcome, you gotta believe
That right here right now, you're exactly where you're supposed to be
Welcome, to wherever you are

While I haven't recently had a boy cheat on me, I can really relate to these lyrics. The boy these lyrics make me think of may not have cheated, but I feel like the lyrics could describe him anyways...and how I was feeling a few weeks ago as well.


Before He Cheats
Carrie Underwood

Right now he's probably slow dancing with a bleached-blond tramp,and she's probably getting frisky...
right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drink cause she can't shoot whiskey...
Right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick, showing her how to shoot a combo...
And he don't know...
That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seat...
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.
Right now, she's probably up singing somewhite-trash version of Shania karoke..
Right now, she's probably saying "I'm drunk"and he's a thinking that he's gonna get lucky,
Right now, he's probably dabbing on 3 dollars worth of that bathroom cologne...
And he don't know...
That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seat,
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.
I might saved a little trouble for the next girl,
Cause the next time that he cheats...
Oh, you know it won't be on me!
Ohh... not on me...
Cause I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seat...
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.
Ohh.. Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats...
Ohh... before he cheats...

Whereas before I was counting down the days until teachers college started, now I am counting down the days until it ends...who knew it would be so completely, totally different from what I was expecting. If I can just manage the stress and anxiety, I may make it through yet...

It's bad though, that I'm stressing out about school again. I don't go back for almost 2 weeks, and already I am so stressed out about everything that I have to do, or will have to do. In all honesty it's become a daily questioning of myself whether I really want to go back or not. Is this kind of stress worth it? Worth a degree? Worth something I'm not even sure I want to do anymore because this crappy program has burned me out? But on the other hand, I've already invested so much time, effort, and money into this program that it seems like it would be a waste to quit now. And I'm not a "quitter", I never have been. When I start something I want to finish it, especially something like this. But is getting this degree worth it? Worth all the stress and anxiety and tears that I know is going to come with the second, longer semester of this program? I don't know anymore, I just don't know.

And that's not really a comfortable state of mind to live in.

Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas! Mine was good, lots of family stuff and such. And in case I don't update before then, hope everyone has an awesome New Years as well!

Almost Doesn't Count
Brandy
_____

Almost made you love me
Almost made you cry
Almost made you happy, baby
Didn't I didn't I
You almost had me thinkin'
You were turned around
But everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

Almost heard you saying
You were finally free
What was always missing for you, baby
You'd found it in me
But you can't get to heaven
Half off the ground
Everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

I can't keep on lovin' you
One foot outside the door
I hear a funny hesitation
Of a heart that's never really sure
Can't keep on tryin'
If you're looking for more
Than all that I could give you
Than what you came here for

Gonna find me somebody
Not afraid to let go
Want a no doubt be there kind of man
You came real close
But every time you built me up
You only let me down
And everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

Maybe you'll be sorry
Maybe you'll be cold
Maybe you'll come runnin' back, baby
From the cruel cruel world
Almost convince me
You're gonna stick around
But everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

So maybe I'll be here
Maybe I'll see ya 'round
Almost doesn't count




Better Things To Do
Terri Clark
____

Don't tell me the reason that you're calling
Is to see if I'm all right since you've been gone
'Cause I know you and I know why we're talking
You're wanting me to say I'm barely hanging on
Well, maybe that was true for a night or two
But now, I got better things to do

I could wash my car in the rain
Change my new guitar strings
Mow the yard just the same as I did yesterday
I don't need to waste my time crying over you
I got better things to do

Maybe when I don't have so much going
Or quite so many irons in the fire
I'll take the time to miss you like you're hoping
But now, I can't put forth the effort it requires
Well, I'd love to talk to you, but then, I'd miss Donahue
That's right, I got better things to do

I could wash my car in the rain
Change my new guitar strings
Mow the yard just the same as I did yesterday
I don't need to waste my time crying over you
I got better things to do

Check the air in my tires
Straighten my stereo wires
Count the stars in the sky or just get on with my life
I don't need to waste my time crying over you
I got better things to do
I got better things to do

This is has been a hellishly exhausting and stressful couple of weeks. But the last assignment has FINALLY been handed in for the semester...even though I still have to teach next week...that part kind of sucks, I want to do christmas things! But at least the written assignments are done. And tonight I am going to a potluck some friends from school are having, then out dancing. And then tomorrow, my nana and cousins will be here from the states! Yay!

Boys are so immature sometimes. Oh well, I went shopping with M and B and I bought a really hot new top to wear next time I am going to see a particular immature boy. Help him recognize what he's missing you know...

That's such a girly thing to do, but I can't help it...I'm such a girly girl sometimes...

School is going better. Although it's still crazy stressful, I'm in environment that better suits me now, so that is helping. Although I did end up crying 2 days in a row at school last week, and thats never a good week when that happens. However, that was having to deal with issues from the place I was working before, and I'm just trying to leave all that crazy shit and emotional angst behind if some people would let me...I'm even feeling slightly organized because I'm almost done an assignment that's not due til thursday! Yay me!

If I have a bruise from a barfight that happened right in front of me, from bumping my knee against the table when it happened, does that count as being involved? Can I say I've officially been involved in a bar fight? :P Oh my goodness, cuz that's what went down friday night...can't even begin to explain that here now, it would take way too long.

Going to go work on my math assignment tonight, and then I am SO looking forward to partying with my girls downtown this friday!

Exhausted.

Burned out.

Sick.

But I got through block.

Completely exhausted.

Boys = Immaturity

That is all.

In rememberance of all those who fought, and died, and gave their lives so that we could live in freedom. I hope everyone took a moment today to remember. Thank you.


Sometimes boys are so confusing they make my head spin. Sigh. Maybe next weekend will help to clarify what exactly is going on in my life.

School is still insane. It's been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week. I haven't cried this much in a long time. However, I've taken steps to help resolve the issues that made it so bad, so hopefully it will be getting better. I am trying to think positively, and hope that this upcoming week will be better.

I hate crying at school, it's never a good day when that happens. :(

Who has time to update anymore? I'm way too busy and stressed with teachers college, lesson planning, actual teaching, doing my own homework for inclass, and then going out and socializing on the weekend so I don't go insane, because I basically work with ALL women ALL week, and it's a totally unbalanced way to work...I have to go out with my friends and receive some male attention so I don't go nuts when I go back to my all female world...inbetween all the planning and teaching and working I have to do. that was completly a rambling, long winded entry, but my brain is tired from teaching today, so that will have to do for now.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

So I taught my first lesson last tuesday. It went really well, surprisingly well actually, and my students absoluetly loved it! I'm teaching my second lesson tomorrow, drama again. So it was a pretty stressful week. Then, this weekend totally ROCKED. I really needed a fun weekend like this to detress too. On friday night I went to a potluck with my school friends, where there was lots of tasty foods and much fun. Afterwards a bunch of us went out to a bar, and that was just as much fun. Hilarious actually. I met some interesting people, and I feel like a made a few friends. :) On saturday night, I went out again, with some of the same people from Friday night but some more as well. It was definately an interesting night. Of course I stayed out way too late both nights. My cousins had come up from tennessee for the weekend, so they woke me up early on sunday to have breakfast with them, and spent most of the day with them. Man, was I ever exhasted. I went to sleep early, well relatively early last night. Thank goodness I have the day off school, cuz I need it to recouperate and do work. It was a long, crazy fun filled weekend. Very good times!

What a crazy night of stage managing, by the end of last night I was so stressed out I was ready to cry. You know how crazy stuff never ever happens on its own right, it only happens on the busiest, already crazy night. Last night was one of those night. So after a long day of school I made my way to the play site, And ON TIME I might add! When I got there I discovered all the power was out because of some big accident on the highway, and they only had emergency power for like 15 minutes left. Well, for the kind of play this is it wouldn't really matter as we're outside lit by candlelight all night anyways...but it would matter for people to get in and out of costume, and set up props, and snacks, and use the washroom and ect...well fortunately about 10 to 15 minutes later the power came back on. Phew! Hurdle one down. Well, after that it was busy from the get go, people were late, some props had been locked away that had to be found, gates were left open at both ends of the site and people were wandering in instead of going up to the top where the box office is and where they are SUPPOSED to go, actors had to be spoken to, schedules had to be checked, some people had to be hurried into costume, and all sorts of busy, but not too unnormal play things were going on. I also had to call the police to let them know that we were going to be setting off a starter pistol in our play, so no one hears gunshots and freaks out. Well, this was the first time I ever had to do it, usually someone else takes care of it, and it freaked me out a little. That was stressful, but now that I've done it once I know exactly what to do, and it won't worry me anymore. As you can see, nothing huge or terrible had happened yet, but just a whole bunch of things happening at once that had to be taken care of, a lot of which hadn't happened last weekends performance. SO, show starts off pretty well, a few unexpecteds, but nothing I couldn't handle. All in all, I was feeling pretty stage manegery that night, stressed, but nothing I couldn't handle. It was cold out, but I did my vagrant job drifting around checking on all my actors, warming myself by the few scenes that had fires :P The fire part was nice, it was quite chilly, and I love a nice cherry fire to warm myself in front of them. Then, about half way through the night, I hear that one of my actors has cut himself in the scene. It turns out my director, who's also acting, cut himself on the axe in his scene after only 2 of the 5 groups who were going to be going through that night. Well apparently there was a lot of blood, but he was a real trouper and finished up the night. You couldn't even tell he was hurt by his performance. Well once his scene was done, he headed off to the hospital to get checked out and see if he needed stitches or anything. Well, that 'excitment over with' I continued on with the rest of the usual stage managery things, and we finished up the show. Then one of the lurkers S was looking for another of the lurkers J, because she was supposed to be giving her a ride home. Well, they couldn't find her, andf were looking all over the village for her, noone was too worried yet, because the site is a good size and it was dark, and it often takes a while to find someone at night. Anyways, after awhile, they eventually find her, and it turns out she had passed out. I came upon S helping J walk just as they were coming up to the main building. I'll tell you, it freaked me out. J wasn't looking well at all, and she's my friend's little sister, and is also friend's with my brother, she's kind of like my adopted little sister in a sense, you know. So I was really freaked out and concerned. However, I didn't let it show. I helped get her upstairs and find the people to take care of her, and everything, and I stayed with her. I was in stage manager/take charge mode, I'm actually really good in an emergency...as long as it's not my own blood. I was really worried about her, but our costume mistress is apparently a trained RN (I didn't know) so J was in good hands. I stayed with her and and evrything while she got checked out, and they had to write up a report and everything. Then J's friend's mom (and her friend S) took her to the hospital to get checked out. I was ok until then, then it hits you after, you know. I felt weak and tired and limp, after the adrenilene runs out I guess. I was strong during the 'crisis', and supportive, and calm and comforting, it's just after the worry really hits me. So then I had to drive home. I was stressed out and emotional, and after all that ready to cry. It didn't helped I've been PMS'ing like mad this week, so I was emotional anyways. I got home safe and sound and vented to my family, and then went to bed and had a veryyyy long, much needed night of sleep. So that was my crazy, stressful night of stage managing last night...

Where to start...it hasn't been that long technically since I've updated, but so much has happened and I've been so busy it's hard to know where to start when I've let my writing slide. teachers College is going well, it's really stressful, but interesting and fun and I'm really enjoying it. In some ways it's totally different from what I expected, in a lot of ways actually, but in other ways it's not. I'm learning a lot, and I have two really great profs who teach most of my classes, although I prfer one over the other. They are both nice, I just really relate more to the other. My friend mani, who I've known since HS/Uni is in the program with me, and that is reaslly helping. Although I have met many new people, and am making new friends, it is nice to have someone you already know and trust to hash things over with, stress about things together, and someone to vent to when things don't go how I'd like. While I said I have met many nice people, there are some real bossy bitches in my class as well unfortunately, and as we are all spending the second whole week together, people's true personalities are starting to come out. The very first week, people were like on their best behaviour. But this being our second week of straight class before we start splitting our time between school and placement schools, I knew this is where I'd really start to see people for who they are. Some people are just as nice as they seem, some even nicer, others are horrible, bossy, mean sarcastic bitch-asses who quite frankly I don't know how they even got in the program. I was stuck sitting with a bunch of people like that yesterday unfortunately, and it really left a horrible taste in my mouth, and left me in a bad mood yesterday afterschool. However, today was a much better day overall, for a variety of reasons.
On another note, SW has started once again, so I have been busy with that as well, rushing to rehearsals afterschool. This past weekend was the opening, and then this thurs, fri and saturday it's on again. I'm thinking the three nights in a row (new this year) is going to be a little much, it's tiring and it ties up an awful lot of time. I prefered the two nights in a row myself.
What else....well I've been working really hard and have been under a lot of stress. You know what they say, work hard, play hard. So I've gone out every weekend since school started with mani and beth and some other people sometimes. It has been much needed stress relief, and also much needed male attention. Being in a program of 68 people, that has exactly only SIX guys in it, the classroom environment is a little unbalanced. It's like estrogen overload, and by the end of the week it just sometimes is too much. So it's nice to go out to the bar/club and be inundated with male attention. Although I've had to fend off a lot of creeps, I have had some 'appropriate' attention as well, and it's certainly been a boost to my ego. It helps balance the estrogen overload I've been dealing with at school anyways. Then I'm ready to go back and start it all over again on monday. And now now mani and I have a lot of strange/interesting/or crazy stories to tell about our weekend adventures. All in all it has been a very busy, interesting past couple of weeks.

I seriously had some of the weirdest dreams ever last night...I think I'll attribute it to stress, stress, first week of placement school crazyness, and more stress...because otherwise, I don't know where these strange strange dreams came from, or exactly what to make of them...

What a day...had my first day of placement at my elemntary school, I got grade fives! I like that, even if I am in a portable...:S Exhausted, was nervous/excited last night and didn't get to sleep til really late, but off to rehearsal tonight I will go anyways...

I'll try posting an actual update of what I've been doing...and there has been a lot of it...when I'm not so pooped.

I wrote my last exam, deferred from this spring due to illness.
I am busily attending to my stage manager duties for SW three nights a week.
I have my G2 test booked for this thursday (finally!)
I start Teachers College on Monday.

I am SO on a roll and feeling good. Busy as a little bee :P, but good! And very excited for this monday to come and start orientation week at my new school. However, I am also very nervous about finally taking my G2 driving test, if I didn't have braces my nails would be bitten down to nothing again...this is something I really want. I am trying to think positive, but if I don't pass I am going to be in a terrible mood all weekend, and cry a lot. I KNOW many people don't pass the first time they take it, but I feel like I should be able to. I also have to run around this week and get my school supplies, some more new 'school appropriate' clothes...oh and shoes, and miscellaneous other things that need to be done in the little summertime I have left. Also a new book will be coming my way once I get to chapters tomorrow, a pure enjoyment bookto devour before school starts and the 'educational' reading starts...just lots of running around left to do. Now, off to watch the rest of Debbie Travis Facelift, and then to bed...

Why is it that when I have something important to do or get ready for, I always get the worst PMS? :(