I start Teachers College in 12 days. That is absolutely fucking amazing. I am super excited, nervous too...but more excited :P It is unbelieveable, I can't believe it's actually almost here. I can't believe I'm almost officially a teacher...or teacher candidate anyways. Spirit Walk rehearsals all week, (mon tues wed through august) so I am busy. If I were just an actor I wouldn't have to go all 3 nights, but as SM I definately do. 3 nights in a row is a lot to commit to, I kind of wish they were spread out over the week like in a normal play, but c'est la vie eh. I am also rather bug bitten, which I really don't like...

*off to put anti itch cream on those pesky bug bites...

Just call me martha stuart and send me to jail...

I just cooked/(baked?) a whole Tiramisu all by myself. Does the talent never end? I have seriously got mad skills :D...feeling very proud of myself...thought I'd say that, just in case anyone couldn't tell...lol

Now I am just waiting for that baby to finish setting in the fridge, and I can dig in...I may even leave some for my family if I'm feeling nice...:P

Tonight we went to pick up my brother from a friends house who was having a party, we also gave a ride home to a couple of his friends who live near us. They're all finished grade 12, and some are going off to university. And it made me think...suddenly it took me back to that last summer after high school, and that short time in which we tried to make the most of the friends we knew we'd be parting with, the ones we'd have to say good bye to as we all went off in our different directions. It was a very emotional, poignent time. Exciting as the new prospect of a new school and new life was, it also meant I had to say good bye to friends I'd grown very close too, and who I'd grown with. I remember the tear filled eyes of the girls in our group of friends on that last night when we all hung out, before people had to leave for school. The promises that we'd call, and talk online, the thought that thanksgiving wasn't that far away, the promises that we'd stay in touch. This joyful sadness in looking forward, but knowing what we'd be leaving behind...there was this kind of...sadness? fear? anxiety? I don't quite know what word to use...that although we promised to stay in touch, we would drift apart. And the first year, it was both easier and harder. It was easier to stay in touch, to call and chat with people you hadn't parted with that long ago. Thanksgiving of that first year we all got together at thanksgiving, after our family celebrations, to have our own thanksgiving dinner. That was a good, and interesting time. There were still those close ties left over from the summer. The fresh friendship and memories, and new experiences to share. But as time progressed, and we all got busier in our own seperate schools, it got harder. As we all established seperate lives, we got busier, and I know for myself at least, it got harder to keep in touch with people far away. It wasn't just just the distance however, we were all growing and developing new friends, new interests, new lives. And there are people I have drifted apart from from high school, people that I, somewhat innocently I suppose, thought I'd still be close with through university. It happens I guess, you assume what you have will be there in the future. Now of course I made new friends, and have still been able to keep up some of the old friendships, but not all of them. I'm a different person now, and both distance and personality seperates me from some of the people I related to so well before. I'm happy with who I am becoming, and with my friends and my life right now. But I'll always treasure those memories of that sweet, sad, poignent summer, and of the friendships I had back then.

I am officially 23 now.

I had a very nice birthday on thursday, and received muchly nice gifts.

In other news, the name of the game today is barbeques and babysitting. Going to my cousin Mary-Beth's barbeque this afternoon, then coming home and going babysitting. Having fun, AND making money, yay!

It's my birthday in a week. Less than a week actually...July 27th to be precise. I'll be turning 23, which is freaking me out a little. getting older is both exciting, and scary sometimes.

I'm 22...I'm 22...I'm 22...I'm going to say that while I still can, for after next week I won't be able to. I'm going to go and try and deal with some of this emotional age angst that I'm feeling right now...

I have the second weekend of performance for the murder mystery I am producer for, and it's supposed to be uber hot all weekend. :( And, like most of the plays I do with this particular theatre group, it is outside, which is probably going to mean hot and itchy times for me. After spending last weekend outside my allergies were really acting up this week, and I will not be surprised if that happens again this weekend...oh well, at least I got a new sunscreen tonight. Hopefully I won't be allergic to this one, and it will keep me from getting burned, yay no sunburn!!! It is supposed to be like 32 degrees out sat and sunday, so I guess I will be dressing lightly...

My email is acting up, being really stupid and uncooperative for some reason, and I am really itchy and crappy feeling from my allergies...going to go curl up and watch more What Not To Wear, hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

Sometimes I worry that it's all going to slip away. What I want and what I dream for myself, and that I'll slip into some humdrum mundane existance where the dreams I had are but distant memories.

Realizations for the day...

I was looking at my blog profile, and I just realized I have been blogging it up for over three years. I have kept this sucker up for three years running...that's a pretty long time...who woulda thunk it three years ago that I'd still be writing in this thing today...

I was just doing some tidying, and going over some papers in my room, and I had some papers to add to my journal. So I sat down and took a glance over it, and I found my List of things to do. Well I guess I haven't taken a good look at it for a little while, because much to my delight I was able to check something off, and then as I kept reading to my greater surprise I was able to check off a second activity. Those two things I wanted to do I will not share here, they are rather personal and kind of involved with something that is still going on in my life...however, happily I was able to check off THREE more things on my list that I will share here; cook an entire dinner (from scratch including dessert and everything, and I'm not talking scrambled eggs here people), get into teachers college, and stage manage a play. These are all things which I have relatively recently achieved, but it didn't occur to me to check them off on my little list. Now you may laugh at the fact that I actually have a list written down of things that i want to do, but it makes me happy and I like it so I don't care. On total, I was able to cross off FIVE things on my List Of Things To Do...a very successful and pleasing event which came about because I was being industrius and cleaning, yay me!

HAPPY CANADA DAY!

Proud to be a Canadian girl, and ready to celebrate it!

I went to see Theory of a Deadman live at LeScratch on wednesday. They were so fucking amazing! Excuse the language, but there really is no other way to describe it. They put on a fantastic performance, they really know how to put on a show. They were very crowd friendly and interactive, and I absolutely loved it. There are a lot of bands that just don't sound as good live as on CD, Theory is not one of them...they sounded just like their music does, only better! I love their music, and they played all of my favourite songs that I hoped they would. Plus, the lead singer is totally HOT. Guys with tatoos and mohawks are not what I would usually consider to be my type, but he looks so hot with that mohawk...he's just a really good looking guy overall, and damn can that man sing...
I had such a fantastically amazing time. We were only like 10 feet from the stage, and even though it was quite crowded, I had an amazing view. By the time we left my voice was hoarse from singing along and shouting out, but it was SO worth it! As soon as they are back in the area, I will be back at their next concert. I had so much fun and they totally ROCKED the show! WooT!

Sometimes I think I live too much inside my head.

I won't say I don't have any regrets, because I don't think that would be true. But I would rather regret the things I've done and chances I've taken, than regret the things I didn't do. I don't want to be the what-if girl.

Fear is a powerful motivator. It can run your life, take over your mind, and decide the things you will and won't do. Fear can be a good thing, it can protect you, but it can also hold you back. The fear of getting hit by a car is what makes you look both ways before crossing the street. The fear of rejection, and having your heart broken is what stops some people from opening up to others. I made the conscious decision awhile ago that I wasn't going to let fear rule my life. I didn't want to let my insecurities stop me from achieving potentially great things. And I have done some absolutely terrifying things in the past few years that I never would have thought possible of myself when I was younger. I've opened up my heart and taken chances not only on love, but on friendships. I've taken chances on school, on acting, on jobs, on people, and on myself. One of the most terrifying things I've done was my interview for teachers college. I was honestly scared shitless. My knees were knocking, my hands were shaking, I was lightheaded, I was was worried that I might pass out. The interview made it real, made part of the future that I had on the line in my face and potentially in my grasp, or possibly just out of reach. There was so much riding on that interview, that I can't even describe how scared I was. But despite the fact that my legs were shaking and I thought I might faint, I went through with that interview. And I got in, I was accepted. If I had let my fear keep me at home away from that interview, I never would have known. I never would have achieved it. There have been a number of other things I have done in the past few years that i was very nervous and fearful about, but I didn't let that fear stop me from doing or trying to do what I wanted to. And I am very proud of that fact. It isn't always easy for me to put myself out there like that, I have my insecurities, and even though I am a "drama kid" I still have my shy moments. But the fact that I can put myself out there, take chances and go after the oppourtunities that I want, makes me very proud of myself, and the strength of character that I feel, perhaps that I have always had in me, has grown and allowed me to put myself out there into the world in a way that I wasn't comfortable or able to do before.

I made a decision awhile ago that I didn't want to look back and have lived a what-if life. And I'm very happy with the fact that I am pushing my own boundries and taking risks, and that I make my decisions on what I want and not on what I fear.

I was talking about this with a friend of mine, and she was of a similar opinion. I know a lot of people who are looking to settle down, or who have settled down already. I have friends who are married and have kids already, or who are actively looking for that. And I feel like some people expect that of me...but I'm only 22. I'm 22 going on 23, and I feel like I'm just really starting out on my life now, my professional life anyways. There are so many things I want to do before I get married and have kids; I have career ambitions, huge ones, there are places I want to visit, things I want to do, so many things I want to live and experience before "settling down". Things that I know are unlikely, or at least much more difficult for me to be able to do once I have kids. Don't get me wrong, I do eventually want to get married, and create a home, and have kids, I love kids and family is very important to me, but it's not something I want to do right now. I can see it in my future, but not for awhile. Now, all that being said, it doesn't mean I'm not interested in dating, because I am. I want to date and have fun, have someone interesting to talk to and spend time with. It would be nice to have someone. But that doesn't mean I'm looking for someone who wants marriage, or a intense commited relationship right now. I want to date, and have fun, enjoy myself and the company of interesting people. And if that should develop into something more serious eventually, that's fine. But I'm young, and I feel like I have time before that, time in which I want to cram a lot of life. On top of all that, I'm busy. I feel like I'm in a really good place in my life right now, and I'm really happy with where it's going. But it's busy. Not only do I have school right now, but I volunteer. I am involved with 3 different plays this summer, and I'm job interviewing and actively searching for work. I'm going to teachers college this fall, and I'm working on my acting career. I have braces and allergies. I have family and friends. I have readings to do and rehearsal prep, friend crisis' and family members to worry about. In general, I have a busy life. I realize many people have busy lives, I guess I'm just trying to show that I'm not looking for a relationship with someone that will dominate the bulk of my time, or that will take over my life. I want to date, and have fun, and just enjoy myself. I don't want to get married anytime soon, I just want to enjoy and experience life as I face its challenges right now.

I hate when I'm so tired I fall asleep and take an unexpected nap on the couch after dinner. Which is exactly what happened tonight...I was definately on the short end of sleep from last night, and I had an unplanned nap from like 8 to 10 something. Now, if I could wake up and feel better, or wake up and just go to bed that would be fine. Unfortunately I always wake up feeling like crap, it's just enough sleep that I am now too awake to go to bed for the night, but not enough that I feel rested. Consequently, right now I feel kind of like someone decided to walk all over me while I was napping.

Anyways, other news besides the fact that I don't like unexpected after dinner naps...only two more weeks of summer school left. My prof is going to hand out our last essay assignment this thursday, so guess what I'll be working on this weekend...
I am a little worse for the sunburn that I got today walking to or from class, but I'd rather have the sunshine than rain anyday when I have to be out walking.

Rehearsals are coming along for the murder mystery I am producer for, although I am struggling to collect all the bio's for the program. I don't know why it is always such a horrible fight to get bio's from actors, you'd think they'd WANT to promote their skills or experience...Anyways after friday, the absolute deadline, I won't have to worry about that any longer. Went to the first Spirit Walk meeting this past saturday...again with the 10 AM meetings...but on the upside for having to get up early, I got to go for breakfast with Mala and Heather afterwards. That was nice, since I haven't seen Mala in practicallly forever. A good girls out breakfast time.

Last Tuesday was my parents 25th wedding anniversary. What I was very proud of myself for the week was that I cooked an entire dinner for everyone, including dessert, and fresh biscuits and everything! Anyone who knows me well knows that cooking isn't one of my favourite or most skilled areas, so I was very proud of myself.

25 years is a long time to be together. I hope that one day I can find someone that I want to spend that long with, that I want to spend my life with.

What Classic Pin-Up Are You?

You're" Lili St. Cyr!

Bathroom grafiti quote of the day: "you are more important than you think"

Even though it was scrawled in the bathroom at my school, I thought it was really nice. It wasn't the usual stupid, often racist stuff...and I like it because it strikes very true I think.

I saw a women smoking while she was riding her bike today...doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose? Arguable I guess, because maybe she wasn't riding for exercise but just for the transportation...either way, I just find it very odd...

Went for another job interview on wednesday for a theatre day camp counselor job.

I handed in the first of 2 essays for my summer course today. One down...one to go.

Tomorrow I am going to work with my childrens at my volunteer school again. The school year is almost over, and I will no longer see them soon which makes me sad, I have grown very attached. Although it is possible I could one day be teaching them myself... :)

No saturday morning rehearsal this week, I get to sleep in yay! But next sat. I have to be up at the village again for a 10am Spirit Walk meeting. At least I get a saturday between to sleep late...

And that's my life as of late briefly...

Even though I have my ups and downs, I feel like my life is in a very good place right now, and I'm happy with where I'm going.

"Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely." I feel that this statement speaks volumes.

Later today I have the first meeting for this years Settlers at Sunset series. Last year the performance had to be cancelled due to construction onsight, so I am very happy to welcome Lavinia (my character) and all my duffins creek family back to my life. This is one of my favourite plays to perform, it's always a ton of fun, with very little rehearsal time. I love this combination of scripted and improv performance, it's something I feel I do quite well. When performance time rolls around I will be very happy to be Lavinia once again.

It was my brother's 18th birthday on thursday. Wait, that can't be...didn't I just turn 18? Even though I'm 22 going on 23 I can vividly remember turning 18 myself, it doesn't feel that long ago. And although it doesn't make me feel old exactly, it just seems a little odd because it seems like such a short time ago I was 18. So anyways, I now have an 18 year old brother. Happy Birthday little spoon! (family joke) We had a very nice family dinner and cake and presents and everything on his actual birthday. It was nice and I took lots of pictures.

I also had another board of directors meeting this week, and this evening I spent a chunk of time on this computer sending out approximately some 40 or 50 some emails for Spirit Walk. I'm Stage Manager again this year, but that meant I had to sent out confirmations about what parts everyone is playing, and reminders about our first meeting.

School is coming along. I like my prof, he's interesting and has quite a sharp little sense of humour about him. Plus, he never lectures the entire 3 hour class so I get out early; this is good, because after 2 hours my brain is ready to be out of there, and it means I can catch an earlier less busy Go Train.

I worked with my little childrens today. Well, technically I did a lot of helping count up and fill out forms for the fundraising that they had been doing. But I got to see my kids anyways, and I got hugs. They're so cute.

Anyways, I should go TRY and get to sleep, since I have to get up early and be at the village for my 10 am meeting...

Up until Wednesday I was having a very good week. Then I went to the orthadontist...that pretty much put me out of commision, and now I am having serious allergy problems. Well, those two things combined prety much took care of the rest of my week. Sigh. Hope this next week will be better, I will think positively...many things to do and people to see next week, so I am sure it will be a much better week. Now, I must go finish my laundrey while the washing machine is free...

I have job interview # 2 tomorrow, and summer school starts. I am taking a break from trying to figure out how to make my computer print the stupid map I need...right now it only wants to print part of it, and the part that I don't actually need. Frustrating...

haha YAY! I took a little break and my brother finally got the map I need to print yay! Otherwise I was going to have to draw myself a little map...so this is progress. So now I have my map, my go pass...paper, pens...me...I can't really think of anything else I can get ready tonight. I will have to pack some food, but I will do that tomorrow.

I went to the dentist for a cleaning tonight, and I have to go to the orthadontist wednesday...boo. But other than that, I am looking forward to the coming long weekend. I am going to be painting our bathroom, which has gotten a little faded over the years, so hopefully we'll be going to get the paint and stuff this weekend.

oh and I bought a really cute new little red netty tank top tonight. It's a perfect top to go out dancing in...I want to go dancing soon. Spring is here, summer will be here soon YaY!

Now, off to prepare for my job interview...and St.George campus, here I come...