Comments, questions, ect. can be posted at my message board at
http://www.b2g5.com/boards/board.cgi?&user=DramaQueenForever
Well I'm not crying anymore, or wanting to cry all the time either. But it still hurts, and I'm still depressed. And boys still suck big time.
Saturday, February 28, 2004
Friday, February 27, 2004
Comments, questions, ect. can be posted at my message board at
http://www.b2g5.com/boards/board.cgi?&user=DramaQueenForever
The one thing I'm grateful for, the questionable silver lining of this cloud, is that though I'm in pain, and disappointed, hurt, feeling rejected....it wasn't outright rejection. And no awkward situation to deal with. Although I may feel awkward, the situation won't be. I'm really in the mood to throw some big boulders at boys....I didn't need this pain, I didn't choose to like someone, but I have it anyways. And that sucks.
http://www.b2g5.com/boards/board.cgi?&user=DramaQueenForever
The one thing I'm grateful for, the questionable silver lining of this cloud, is that though I'm in pain, and disappointed, hurt, feeling rejected....it wasn't outright rejection. And no awkward situation to deal with. Although I may feel awkward, the situation won't be. I'm really in the mood to throw some big boulders at boys....I didn't need this pain, I didn't choose to like someone, but I have it anyways. And that sucks.
Comments, questions, ect. can be posted at my message board at
http://www.b2g5.com/boards/board.cgi?&user=DramaQueenForever
Hands so cold, body shaking, I think I'm numb. I don't think it has really hit me yet, I'm sure it will later though. I'm still kind of in a state of shock, yet not, contradictory as that seems. Almost of contemplation, I haven't really absorbed, it hasn't really sunk in yet. When I found out, it really hit me physically. I haven't really cried yet, when I heard tears slipped of their own accord out of the corners of my eyes, but I wasn't really aware of them, I wasn't ready to cry, and that was just a few tears not really crying anyways. I haven't given in and broken down yet. That'll happen later tonight, when I'm in my room alone and everyone's gone to bed. I can't give in, can't collapse yet because it's only 5:30 and I still have the rest of the day to get through. I'm not a good crier, and I just can't deal with the questions from my family if they see I've been crying. Even as I write this I feel myself starting to unthaw, I feel it in the pit of my stomach. I can't deal with it yet, I just want it to stop. I'm so cold, my bodies still in a state of shock. I want to curl up on my bed and let it all out, why does life have to go on when I feel like this. I wish I could pause the world while I deal with this, just put everything on hold until I have a handle on the disappointment and the pain. But I can't, life insists upon going on, As the radio plays in the background to hide the sound of any sniffles I make I just want to go to bed. I want nighttime to come so I can embrace this pain and deal with it. Why is it that when we're hit with news like this we are rarely able to emotionally deal with it when it happens. It's all inside me right now, spilling out onto the page. Life rarely provides me with the oppourtunity to fully grieve when I really want to, when I really need to.
http://www.b2g5.com/boards/board.cgi?&user=DramaQueenForever
Hands so cold, body shaking, I think I'm numb. I don't think it has really hit me yet, I'm sure it will later though. I'm still kind of in a state of shock, yet not, contradictory as that seems. Almost of contemplation, I haven't really absorbed, it hasn't really sunk in yet. When I found out, it really hit me physically. I haven't really cried yet, when I heard tears slipped of their own accord out of the corners of my eyes, but I wasn't really aware of them, I wasn't ready to cry, and that was just a few tears not really crying anyways. I haven't given in and broken down yet. That'll happen later tonight, when I'm in my room alone and everyone's gone to bed. I can't give in, can't collapse yet because it's only 5:30 and I still have the rest of the day to get through. I'm not a good crier, and I just can't deal with the questions from my family if they see I've been crying. Even as I write this I feel myself starting to unthaw, I feel it in the pit of my stomach. I can't deal with it yet, I just want it to stop. I'm so cold, my bodies still in a state of shock. I want to curl up on my bed and let it all out, why does life have to go on when I feel like this. I wish I could pause the world while I deal with this, just put everything on hold until I have a handle on the disappointment and the pain. But I can't, life insists upon going on, As the radio plays in the background to hide the sound of any sniffles I make I just want to go to bed. I want nighttime to come so I can embrace this pain and deal with it. Why is it that when we're hit with news like this we are rarely able to emotionally deal with it when it happens. It's all inside me right now, spilling out onto the page. Life rarely provides me with the oppourtunity to fully grieve when I really want to, when I really need to.
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
Comments, questions, ect. can be posted at my message board at
http://www.b2g5.com/boards/board.cgi?&user=DramaQueenForever
I'm tired of being the girl next door. I don't want to just be the "nice" girl anymore. I am so much deeper, and so much more complex than that. I'm tired of people sterotyping me and cramming me into their little definitions of who's who. If you talk with me for more than 10 minutes at a time you'd see I'm so much more than that. This is directed at all those people who don't even know me, never talk to me for more than a few minutes at a time, but dare to label me, to stereotype me, and say that they know who I am. Sticking me with a label that they are most likely never going to change. Well people, this is me saying take a closer look, I'm not nice, quiet, easy going all the time...I'm emotional and strong minded, I get my feelings hurt and sometimes I hold grudges, I get angry and mad, silly and giggly with my friends, and passionate about things I love and believe in. I'm insanely protective of my family and friends, with a really dirty mind and a knack for innuendo and sarcasm, I'm a "good kid" but with a racy streak that surprises some people when they first find out, and sometimes I am the loudest one in my group of friends...and sometimes not. Sometimes I am a little reserved, more laid back, sometimes I just like to sit back and watch, and be the peace maker of the group. All of these things and more, are inside me all the time, it just depends which side I show to the world at the time - how I'm feeling that day, but I am more than how you see me in 1 situation. I'm tired of people labeling me and just assuming they know who I am and all about me, when ironically they will probly never know the real me. I'm so much more than just the nice girl next door...
http://www.b2g5.com/boards/board.cgi?&user=DramaQueenForever
I'm tired of being the girl next door. I don't want to just be the "nice" girl anymore. I am so much deeper, and so much more complex than that. I'm tired of people sterotyping me and cramming me into their little definitions of who's who. If you talk with me for more than 10 minutes at a time you'd see I'm so much more than that. This is directed at all those people who don't even know me, never talk to me for more than a few minutes at a time, but dare to label me, to stereotype me, and say that they know who I am. Sticking me with a label that they are most likely never going to change. Well people, this is me saying take a closer look, I'm not nice, quiet, easy going all the time...I'm emotional and strong minded, I get my feelings hurt and sometimes I hold grudges, I get angry and mad, silly and giggly with my friends, and passionate about things I love and believe in. I'm insanely protective of my family and friends, with a really dirty mind and a knack for innuendo and sarcasm, I'm a "good kid" but with a racy streak that surprises some people when they first find out, and sometimes I am the loudest one in my group of friends...and sometimes not. Sometimes I am a little reserved, more laid back, sometimes I just like to sit back and watch, and be the peace maker of the group. All of these things and more, are inside me all the time, it just depends which side I show to the world at the time - how I'm feeling that day, but I am more than how you see me in 1 situation. I'm tired of people labeling me and just assuming they know who I am and all about me, when ironically they will probly never know the real me. I'm so much more than just the nice girl next door...
Sunday, February 15, 2004
Saturday, February 07, 2004
Comments, questions, ect. can be posted at my message board at
http://www.b2g5.com/boards/board.cgi?&user=DramaQueenForever
Am I the only one left in this world who's still a romantic at heart? Cuz that's pretty much how I feel nowadays. I know, and meet, so many cynical people. As you all know I'm pretty much a perpetual optimust, always trying to look on the good side of things, all about the positive thinking and everything. But I've just been really depressed today. Well lately as a matter of fact. Well...not even that, I've been swinging back and forth between extremes, really happy or really depressed. But sometimes I just feel like I'm the only one who even belives in romance and all that, I'm surronded by people who are so just...I don't even know, I can't explain it. I was so happy yesterday...and I'm so depressed today. It just feels like sometimes I'm never going to meet someone, or even if I do meet them, are they even going to notice me. It's so frustrating, I guess I'm just getting impatient in my old age. "I'm alive but I'm alone" a lyric that pretty much desribes what I'm feeling right now. Why do I feel like I'm back in high school again?
http://www.b2g5.com/boards/board.cgi?&user=DramaQueenForever
Am I the only one left in this world who's still a romantic at heart? Cuz that's pretty much how I feel nowadays. I know, and meet, so many cynical people. As you all know I'm pretty much a perpetual optimust, always trying to look on the good side of things, all about the positive thinking and everything. But I've just been really depressed today. Well lately as a matter of fact. Well...not even that, I've been swinging back and forth between extremes, really happy or really depressed. But sometimes I just feel like I'm the only one who even belives in romance and all that, I'm surronded by people who are so just...I don't even know, I can't explain it. I was so happy yesterday...and I'm so depressed today. It just feels like sometimes I'm never going to meet someone, or even if I do meet them, are they even going to notice me. It's so frustrating, I guess I'm just getting impatient in my old age. "I'm alive but I'm alone" a lyric that pretty much desribes what I'm feeling right now. Why do I feel like I'm back in high school again?
