I went to see Theory of a Deadman live at LeScratch on wednesday. They were so fucking amazing! Excuse the language, but there really is no other way to describe it. They put on a fantastic performance, they really know how to put on a show. They were very crowd friendly and interactive, and I absolutely loved it. There are a lot of bands that just don't sound as good live as on CD, Theory is not one of them...they sounded just like their music does, only better! I love their music, and they played all of my favourite songs that I hoped they would. Plus, the lead singer is totally HOT. Guys with tatoos and mohawks are not what I would usually consider to be my type, but he looks so hot with that mohawk...he's just a really good looking guy overall, and damn can that man sing...
I had such a fantastically amazing time. We were only like 10 feet from the stage, and even though it was quite crowded, I had an amazing view. By the time we left my voice was hoarse from singing along and shouting out, but it was SO worth it! As soon as they are back in the area, I will be back at their next concert. I had so much fun and they totally ROCKED the show! WooT!

Sometimes I think I live too much inside my head.

I won't say I don't have any regrets, because I don't think that would be true. But I would rather regret the things I've done and chances I've taken, than regret the things I didn't do. I don't want to be the what-if girl.

Fear is a powerful motivator. It can run your life, take over your mind, and decide the things you will and won't do. Fear can be a good thing, it can protect you, but it can also hold you back. The fear of getting hit by a car is what makes you look both ways before crossing the street. The fear of rejection, and having your heart broken is what stops some people from opening up to others. I made the conscious decision awhile ago that I wasn't going to let fear rule my life. I didn't want to let my insecurities stop me from achieving potentially great things. And I have done some absolutely terrifying things in the past few years that I never would have thought possible of myself when I was younger. I've opened up my heart and taken chances not only on love, but on friendships. I've taken chances on school, on acting, on jobs, on people, and on myself. One of the most terrifying things I've done was my interview for teachers college. I was honestly scared shitless. My knees were knocking, my hands were shaking, I was lightheaded, I was was worried that I might pass out. The interview made it real, made part of the future that I had on the line in my face and potentially in my grasp, or possibly just out of reach. There was so much riding on that interview, that I can't even describe how scared I was. But despite the fact that my legs were shaking and I thought I might faint, I went through with that interview. And I got in, I was accepted. If I had let my fear keep me at home away from that interview, I never would have known. I never would have achieved it. There have been a number of other things I have done in the past few years that i was very nervous and fearful about, but I didn't let that fear stop me from doing or trying to do what I wanted to. And I am very proud of that fact. It isn't always easy for me to put myself out there like that, I have my insecurities, and even though I am a "drama kid" I still have my shy moments. But the fact that I can put myself out there, take chances and go after the oppourtunities that I want, makes me very proud of myself, and the strength of character that I feel, perhaps that I have always had in me, has grown and allowed me to put myself out there into the world in a way that I wasn't comfortable or able to do before.

I made a decision awhile ago that I didn't want to look back and have lived a what-if life. And I'm very happy with the fact that I am pushing my own boundries and taking risks, and that I make my decisions on what I want and not on what I fear.

I was talking about this with a friend of mine, and she was of a similar opinion. I know a lot of people who are looking to settle down, or who have settled down already. I have friends who are married and have kids already, or who are actively looking for that. And I feel like some people expect that of me...but I'm only 22. I'm 22 going on 23, and I feel like I'm just really starting out on my life now, my professional life anyways. There are so many things I want to do before I get married and have kids; I have career ambitions, huge ones, there are places I want to visit, things I want to do, so many things I want to live and experience before "settling down". Things that I know are unlikely, or at least much more difficult for me to be able to do once I have kids. Don't get me wrong, I do eventually want to get married, and create a home, and have kids, I love kids and family is very important to me, but it's not something I want to do right now. I can see it in my future, but not for awhile. Now, all that being said, it doesn't mean I'm not interested in dating, because I am. I want to date and have fun, have someone interesting to talk to and spend time with. It would be nice to have someone. But that doesn't mean I'm looking for someone who wants marriage, or a intense commited relationship right now. I want to date, and have fun, enjoy myself and the company of interesting people. And if that should develop into something more serious eventually, that's fine. But I'm young, and I feel like I have time before that, time in which I want to cram a lot of life. On top of all that, I'm busy. I feel like I'm in a really good place in my life right now, and I'm really happy with where it's going. But it's busy. Not only do I have school right now, but I volunteer. I am involved with 3 different plays this summer, and I'm job interviewing and actively searching for work. I'm going to teachers college this fall, and I'm working on my acting career. I have braces and allergies. I have family and friends. I have readings to do and rehearsal prep, friend crisis' and family members to worry about. In general, I have a busy life. I realize many people have busy lives, I guess I'm just trying to show that I'm not looking for a relationship with someone that will dominate the bulk of my time, or that will take over my life. I want to date, and have fun, and just enjoy myself. I don't want to get married anytime soon, I just want to enjoy and experience life as I face its challenges right now.

I hate when I'm so tired I fall asleep and take an unexpected nap on the couch after dinner. Which is exactly what happened tonight...I was definately on the short end of sleep from last night, and I had an unplanned nap from like 8 to 10 something. Now, if I could wake up and feel better, or wake up and just go to bed that would be fine. Unfortunately I always wake up feeling like crap, it's just enough sleep that I am now too awake to go to bed for the night, but not enough that I feel rested. Consequently, right now I feel kind of like someone decided to walk all over me while I was napping.

Anyways, other news besides the fact that I don't like unexpected after dinner naps...only two more weeks of summer school left. My prof is going to hand out our last essay assignment this thursday, so guess what I'll be working on this weekend...
I am a little worse for the sunburn that I got today walking to or from class, but I'd rather have the sunshine than rain anyday when I have to be out walking.

Rehearsals are coming along for the murder mystery I am producer for, although I am struggling to collect all the bio's for the program. I don't know why it is always such a horrible fight to get bio's from actors, you'd think they'd WANT to promote their skills or experience...Anyways after friday, the absolute deadline, I won't have to worry about that any longer. Went to the first Spirit Walk meeting this past saturday...again with the 10 AM meetings...but on the upside for having to get up early, I got to go for breakfast with Mala and Heather afterwards. That was nice, since I haven't seen Mala in practicallly forever. A good girls out breakfast time.

Last Tuesday was my parents 25th wedding anniversary. What I was very proud of myself for the week was that I cooked an entire dinner for everyone, including dessert, and fresh biscuits and everything! Anyone who knows me well knows that cooking isn't one of my favourite or most skilled areas, so I was very proud of myself.

25 years is a long time to be together. I hope that one day I can find someone that I want to spend that long with, that I want to spend my life with.

What Classic Pin-Up Are You?

You're" Lili St. Cyr!

Bathroom grafiti quote of the day: "you are more important than you think"

Even though it was scrawled in the bathroom at my school, I thought it was really nice. It wasn't the usual stupid, often racist stuff...and I like it because it strikes very true I think.

I saw a women smoking while she was riding her bike today...doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose? Arguable I guess, because maybe she wasn't riding for exercise but just for the transportation...either way, I just find it very odd...

Went for another job interview on wednesday for a theatre day camp counselor job.

I handed in the first of 2 essays for my summer course today. One down...one to go.

Tomorrow I am going to work with my childrens at my volunteer school again. The school year is almost over, and I will no longer see them soon which makes me sad, I have grown very attached. Although it is possible I could one day be teaching them myself... :)

No saturday morning rehearsal this week, I get to sleep in yay! But next sat. I have to be up at the village again for a 10am Spirit Walk meeting. At least I get a saturday between to sleep late...

And that's my life as of late briefly...

Even though I have my ups and downs, I feel like my life is in a very good place right now, and I'm happy with where I'm going.