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Well it just keeps getting worse. Now instead of just worrying about the jerk being there on saturday for rehearsal, I also have to deal with an immature little boy, who shall remain unnamed, but who I'm not exactly on speaking terms with. yay...so on top of all THAT, I got an email today about the S.W. and I'm feeling extremely undervalued and underappreciated, and just generally like a Girl Friday. Oh yes, and I haven't slept since yesterday, was awake all night due to various stupid health reasons and so I haven't slept yet. I'm on the edge...as I said the email was almost the straw that broke the camels back...no one had better push me today otherwise I will go over the edge. Don't be the straw that breaks the camels back, I'm just too irritated and close to the edge today, it's been a really stressful, really irritating, shitty, craptacular week. *sighs* It's almost over though, a new week, so I'm hoping this one will be better than the last, but at the rate it'ss going, who knows.
Monday, May 24, 2004
Sunday, May 23, 2004
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Well it's just been a craptacular week. Someone I know died, I found out someone else I know is being charged with sexual assault, and the guy I like, but am trying to get over, is dating someone else. It's been a shitty week, I'll be glad when it's over.
http://www.b2g5.com/boards/board.cgi?&user=DramaQueenForever
Well it's just been a craptacular week. Someone I know died, I found out someone else I know is being charged with sexual assault, and the guy I like, but am trying to get over, is dating someone else. It's been a shitty week, I'll be glad when it's over.
Thursday, May 20, 2004
Comments, questions, ect. can be posted at my message board at
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Ron's funeral is today. I'm still very sad, and even though I have the email that tells me it's true, it's just still really hard to believe that I'll never see him again. The last time I saw him was at the Backwoods general meeting, and you don't think about the fact that it could be the last time you ever see someone. He was a really kind, wonderful gentleman and I just wish I could have told him that. When I first started A Spirit Walk he just helped make me feel really comfortable, and among all those intimidating new faces and surrondings he was very kind to me and helped to make me feel at home there. He was a genuinely kind and good person and although he may be gone from life, the impact he had on people isn't, he will live on in our memories. I guess this is kind of my way of saying good-bye and trying to find closure since I am not going to the funeral. And in a way he isn't really gone because of the memories I and everyone else have of him. I've been mourning him, and even as I type this I am crying, and I'm not embarassed to admit that I shed tears over the death of someone I know. I guess writing this all out is part of my mourning in a way, and of remembering and sharing, and of ultimately saying good-bye. So, Good-bye Ron, I'm glad that I had the oppourtunity to know you, and Bless you where ever you are.
http://www.b2g5.com/boards/board.cgi?&user=DramaQueenForever
Ron's funeral is today. I'm still very sad, and even though I have the email that tells me it's true, it's just still really hard to believe that I'll never see him again. The last time I saw him was at the Backwoods general meeting, and you don't think about the fact that it could be the last time you ever see someone. He was a really kind, wonderful gentleman and I just wish I could have told him that. When I first started A Spirit Walk he just helped make me feel really comfortable, and among all those intimidating new faces and surrondings he was very kind to me and helped to make me feel at home there. He was a genuinely kind and good person and although he may be gone from life, the impact he had on people isn't, he will live on in our memories. I guess this is kind of my way of saying good-bye and trying to find closure since I am not going to the funeral. And in a way he isn't really gone because of the memories I and everyone else have of him. I've been mourning him, and even as I type this I am crying, and I'm not embarassed to admit that I shed tears over the death of someone I know. I guess writing this all out is part of my mourning in a way, and of remembering and sharing, and of ultimately saying good-bye. So, Good-bye Ron, I'm glad that I had the oppourtunity to know you, and Bless you where ever you are.
Monday, May 17, 2004
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I'm very sad. My head and eyes still hurt from crying, and I'm just really depressed. I found out tonight that Ron Plummer died this morning. It was so unexpected, and so very sad. He was a dear, wonderful man who will be greatly missed. I'll always remember him as Asher Wilson, which is how I first met him, through A Spirit Walk. Asher Wilson will never come to the door again...and I don't think I could do that scene again this year. After three years of being in that scene with Ron, I think it would be too painful for me to try and do it without him. It wouldn't be like he just wasn't there because he didn't get the part, it's that he's passed away and will never be there to do it again. Death touches too many lives too many times. He was a kind, funny, wonderful man and that's how I'll always remember him.
http://www.b2g5.com/boards/board.cgi?&user=DramaQueenForever
I'm very sad. My head and eyes still hurt from crying, and I'm just really depressed. I found out tonight that Ron Plummer died this morning. It was so unexpected, and so very sad. He was a dear, wonderful man who will be greatly missed. I'll always remember him as Asher Wilson, which is how I first met him, through A Spirit Walk. Asher Wilson will never come to the door again...and I don't think I could do that scene again this year. After three years of being in that scene with Ron, I think it would be too painful for me to try and do it without him. It wouldn't be like he just wasn't there because he didn't get the part, it's that he's passed away and will never be there to do it again. Death touches too many lives too many times. He was a kind, funny, wonderful man and that's how I'll always remember him.
Friday, May 14, 2004
Comments, questions, ect. can be posted at my message board at
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So I'm feeling better today. Well less depressed than I was last night. Damn this pms depression, that's what I say. Sometimes I just need to vent and bitch. Everything always looks better later. I feel a lot less depressed, I mean I'm still emotional, but things are looking up.
http://www.b2g5.com/boards/board.cgi?&user=DramaQueenForever
So I'm feeling better today. Well less depressed than I was last night. Damn this pms depression, that's what I say. Sometimes I just need to vent and bitch. Everything always looks better later. I feel a lot less depressed, I mean I'm still emotional, but things are looking up.
Thursday, May 13, 2004
Comments, questions, ect. can be posted at my message board at
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I'm sitting here, listening to depressing songs. Listening, being teary-eyed, and just getting more damn depressed. Sometimes I just feel feel so pathetic you know. And I hate it. I give up. It's useless. I'm not a person who believes in "fate" as it were, (I think we make our own fate) but it just seems like it's not meant to be. At least, that's what I said, and I keep trying to tell myself. But if that's true, why I am sitting here like a sap, just wishing for what could be, when it's pretty fucking obvious it's never going to happen. How do you tell someone you like them when you never see them. How can I get over this, when there hasn't been any closure. That's the problem, I don't know one way or the other. And it's really hard to get over someone when you don't know, if there's even the tiniest bit of a chance, how can I give up. I hate this, and I hate feeling like this. I feel things too deeply, I'm so emotional, and I just feel fucking pathetic, and depressed, and kind of...I don't know...fatalistic in a way. I want to move on, I want to move on so badly. I want to say something, I have to say something. Even though I have this terrible feeling I'm not going to like the answer I get, I NEED to have an answer, any answer. Carpe Diem "seize the day"...so when I'm presented with the chance, I think I have to take it. Because I have to know.
http://www.b2g5.com/boards/board.cgi?&user=DramaQueenForever
I'm sitting here, listening to depressing songs. Listening, being teary-eyed, and just getting more damn depressed. Sometimes I just feel feel so pathetic you know. And I hate it. I give up. It's useless. I'm not a person who believes in "fate" as it were, (I think we make our own fate) but it just seems like it's not meant to be. At least, that's what I said, and I keep trying to tell myself. But if that's true, why I am sitting here like a sap, just wishing for what could be, when it's pretty fucking obvious it's never going to happen. How do you tell someone you like them when you never see them. How can I get over this, when there hasn't been any closure. That's the problem, I don't know one way or the other. And it's really hard to get over someone when you don't know, if there's even the tiniest bit of a chance, how can I give up. I hate this, and I hate feeling like this. I feel things too deeply, I'm so emotional, and I just feel fucking pathetic, and depressed, and kind of...I don't know...fatalistic in a way. I want to move on, I want to move on so badly. I want to say something, I have to say something. Even though I have this terrible feeling I'm not going to like the answer I get, I NEED to have an answer, any answer. Carpe Diem "seize the day"...so when I'm presented with the chance, I think I have to take it. Because I have to know.
Comments, questions, ect. can be posted at my message board at
http://www.b2g5.com/boards/board.cgi?&user=DramaQueenForever
I'm sitting here, listening to depressing songs. Listening, being teary-eyed, and just getting more damn depressed. Sometimes I just feel feel so pathetic you know. And I hate it. I give up. It's useless. I'm not a person who believes in "fate" as it were, (I think we make our own fate) but it just seems like it's not meant to be. At least, that's what I said, and I keep trying to tell myself. But if that's true, why I am sitting here like a sap, just wishing for what could be, when it's pretty fucking obvious it's never going to happen. How do you tell someone you like them when you never see them. How can I get over this, when there hasn't been any closure. That's the problem, I don't know one way or the other. And it's really hard to get over someone when you don't know, if there's even the tiniest bit of a chance, how can I give up. I hate this, and I hate feeling like this. I feel things too deeply, I'm so emotional, and I just feel fucking pathetic, and depressed, and kind of...I don't know...fatalistic in a way. I want to move on, I want to move on so badly. I want to say something, I have to say something. Even though I have this terrible feeling I'm not going to like the answer I get, I NEED to have an answer, any answer. Carpe Diem "seize the day"...so when I'm presented with the chance, I think I have to take it. Because I have to know.
http://www.b2g5.com/boards/board.cgi?&user=DramaQueenForever
I'm sitting here, listening to depressing songs. Listening, being teary-eyed, and just getting more damn depressed. Sometimes I just feel feel so pathetic you know. And I hate it. I give up. It's useless. I'm not a person who believes in "fate" as it were, (I think we make our own fate) but it just seems like it's not meant to be. At least, that's what I said, and I keep trying to tell myself. But if that's true, why I am sitting here like a sap, just wishing for what could be, when it's pretty fucking obvious it's never going to happen. How do you tell someone you like them when you never see them. How can I get over this, when there hasn't been any closure. That's the problem, I don't know one way or the other. And it's really hard to get over someone when you don't know, if there's even the tiniest bit of a chance, how can I give up. I hate this, and I hate feeling like this. I feel things too deeply, I'm so emotional, and I just feel fucking pathetic, and depressed, and kind of...I don't know...fatalistic in a way. I want to move on, I want to move on so badly. I want to say something, I have to say something. Even though I have this terrible feeling I'm not going to like the answer I get, I NEED to have an answer, any answer. Carpe Diem "seize the day"...so when I'm presented with the chance, I think I have to take it. Because I have to know.
Sunday, May 09, 2004
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
Comments, questions, ect. can be posted at my message board at
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So I went to my first downtown club last night with JeN, Leya and Lou. It was so much fun, even though my legs are very sore today, haven't been dancing in forever. We went to this place called Joe, and even though it was expensive ($10 cover) it was a blast. It was just the ego boost I needed. I got a lot of compliments and attention from some really hot guys, and that always makes one feel good. Especially lately, I mean I don't want to sound arrogent or anything, but I think I'm pretty attractive, I just don't always believe other people will think so too. So this night out, where I was looking really good, and I got a lot of attention is just what my poor ego needed. This one hot guy, he kept trying to kiss me, which is flattering and all...but I'm not going to kiss some random guy I just met...but boy did I have Fun dancing with him *grins* Danced with some really hot people ...*weak knees* and just highly enjoyed myself. And there were only a few harassments...but I already know there are a lot of jerks out there, so I can just laugh at them. Except for that one guy...grabby mcgrabbington (good name Leya)...who wasn't just a jerk but an asshole. But other than that, got a lot of good exercise and much needed night to let loose and be a "wild woman" after the stress of exams, school, and everything else.
http://www.b2g5.com/boards/board.cgi?&user=DramaQueenForever
So I went to my first downtown club last night with JeN, Leya and Lou. It was so much fun, even though my legs are very sore today, haven't been dancing in forever. We went to this place called Joe, and even though it was expensive ($10 cover) it was a blast. It was just the ego boost I needed. I got a lot of compliments and attention from some really hot guys, and that always makes one feel good. Especially lately, I mean I don't want to sound arrogent or anything, but I think I'm pretty attractive, I just don't always believe other people will think so too. So this night out, where I was looking really good, and I got a lot of attention is just what my poor ego needed. This one hot guy, he kept trying to kiss me, which is flattering and all...but I'm not going to kiss some random guy I just met...but boy did I have Fun dancing with him *grins* Danced with some really hot people ...*weak knees* and just highly enjoyed myself. And there were only a few harassments...but I already know there are a lot of jerks out there, so I can just laugh at them. Except for that one guy...grabby mcgrabbington (good name Leya)...who wasn't just a jerk but an asshole. But other than that, got a lot of good exercise and much needed night to let loose and be a "wild woman" after the stress of exams, school, and everything else.
