I am NOT ready to go back to school, and Tuesday is fast approaching...
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
Friday, December 24, 2004
It's Christmas Eve! I am very happy and excited cuz I love Christmas, I just think it's one of the best holdidays. It's all about family time, wrapping presents, decorating, baking and eating good things, and just have fun, warm time at home with the family. I especially love watching all the good old movies that are on. I did a fair amount of baking this year and we have lots of yummy things to munch on this week-end. It is very cold, icy and snowy out, which is making for not so good driving, but I am very glad that it snowed, and that there will be more snow, because I'm a HUGE fan of snow at christmas. It just doesn't feel the same without it. All my shoppings done, decorations up, just a few presents left to wrap, so I'm good to go for rockin' christmas eve! Somehow, it seemed to sneak up on me this year, I think mostly because my last exam wasn't until this past Tuesday, the 21st, so it feels like school just ended and there should be more time before christmas. Either way I'm glad it's here, and after that am looking forward to good New Years Eve times with good friends. Parties are fun! So I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas, and if I don't see you New Years have a rockin time then too!
Sunday, December 19, 2004
Between grade 9 and OAC was a lifetime. And somewhere Between OAC and 3rd year university, I grew up.
That doesn't mean I consider myself an adult, I don't really, because I don't feel like one. I'm just me, 21, and I don't know exactly what that makes me. I do know that I can't even begin to describe all the changes that I went through that made me who I am today. By OAC I had changed so much and although part of me was still who I was in grade 9, I had grown so much that in a way I was a completly different person. And I was lying in bed last night when it dawned on me. Although I went through a lot of changes in high school, and it was a lifetime in itself, somewhere along the way in the past couple years I think I grew up.
That doesn't mean I consider myself an adult, I don't really, because I don't feel like one. I'm just me, 21, and I don't know exactly what that makes me. I do know that I can't even begin to describe all the changes that I went through that made me who I am today. By OAC I had changed so much and although part of me was still who I was in grade 9, I had grown so much that in a way I was a completly different person. And I was lying in bed last night when it dawned on me. Although I went through a lot of changes in high school, and it was a lifetime in itself, somewhere along the way in the past couple years I think I grew up.
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Feeling a Little Bitter and Misunderstood
Some people have allergies. Therefore they THINK they know allergies. They have an attitude that, quite frankly, just gets right under my skin and irritates the hell out of me. So you think you know what allergies are, you think you have the right to complain about them eh? Oh, so you're allergic to dust huh? oh...cats make you sneeze? Well, when your skin has been so dry and irritated that putting cream on it, putting anything on it to try and moisterize it, even just plain old fridge oil, has hurt so much that it has made you cry...when you have had to take an oatmeal bath in the middle of the afternoon or the middle of the night to calm your skin...when you have been up all night unable to lie down to sleep because your nose is so stuffy you can't breathe...when you have had to go to parties late and leave them early because you react to the household pets and end up feeling miserable...when you have gotten an allergic reaction on your feet from running around barefoot in the grass...when you have been miserable at school all day from a runny nose, sneezing, itchy eyes, feeling like you can't breathe, because some inconsiderate person doused themselves with half a bottle of perfume that morning...when you have had to take so much benedryll over an extended period of time that it gives you heartburn...when you have learned that you have to carry allergy medication with you pretty much everywhere that you go...and when you have missed out on activities, fun things, because they were going to be all day outdoor events, and you knew you couldn't take it with all the pollen, and grass, and trees, and ragweed and everything....then you have the right to say you know what allergies are, and then you can fucking complain about your allergies to me. But not before then, because this list only begins to describe the kind of things I grew up with, and many of the things I still have to live with to this day. So I'm sorry if I don't seem properly sympathetic to your being allergic to, perhaps cats, or dogs, or your one allergy. And if I get a little snippy about your high handed attitude about how you don't take allergy medication, how you get along without it, how you have the strength of will to get along without it, or I seem a little offended when someone who doesn't have allergies judges me, maybe now you'll understand why.
Some people have allergies. Therefore they THINK they know allergies. They have an attitude that, quite frankly, just gets right under my skin and irritates the hell out of me. So you think you know what allergies are, you think you have the right to complain about them eh? Oh, so you're allergic to dust huh? oh...cats make you sneeze? Well, when your skin has been so dry and irritated that putting cream on it, putting anything on it to try and moisterize it, even just plain old fridge oil, has hurt so much that it has made you cry...when you have had to take an oatmeal bath in the middle of the afternoon or the middle of the night to calm your skin...when you have been up all night unable to lie down to sleep because your nose is so stuffy you can't breathe...when you have had to go to parties late and leave them early because you react to the household pets and end up feeling miserable...when you have gotten an allergic reaction on your feet from running around barefoot in the grass...when you have been miserable at school all day from a runny nose, sneezing, itchy eyes, feeling like you can't breathe, because some inconsiderate person doused themselves with half a bottle of perfume that morning...when you have had to take so much benedryll over an extended period of time that it gives you heartburn...when you have learned that you have to carry allergy medication with you pretty much everywhere that you go...and when you have missed out on activities, fun things, because they were going to be all day outdoor events, and you knew you couldn't take it with all the pollen, and grass, and trees, and ragweed and everything....then you have the right to say you know what allergies are, and then you can fucking complain about your allergies to me. But not before then, because this list only begins to describe the kind of things I grew up with, and many of the things I still have to live with to this day. So I'm sorry if I don't seem properly sympathetic to your being allergic to, perhaps cats, or dogs, or your one allergy. And if I get a little snippy about your high handed attitude about how you don't take allergy medication, how you get along without it, how you have the strength of will to get along without it, or I seem a little offended when someone who doesn't have allergies judges me, maybe now you'll understand why.
Monday, December 13, 2004
I read this on the group hug/anonymous online confessions website http://grouphug.us/
I really related to it. It really moved me, maybe because I feel like it describes just what I've been feeling, but haven't really been able to put into words yet.
"I want you to know that you mean the world to me,but you yourself are not my world. That I can still make it without you, that I dont need you to survive. But it'll be nice to have something extra to look forward to if you were around. I want you to know that I'm a strong alpha woman who has dreams and aspirations of her own. But why is it everytime I look at you and see you as yourself, not perfect but perfectly imperfect, I lose myself and I drown myself in the thought of you and me as one?"
I really related to it. It really moved me, maybe because I feel like it describes just what I've been feeling, but haven't really been able to put into words yet.
"I want you to know that you mean the world to me,but you yourself are not my world. That I can still make it without you, that I dont need you to survive. But it'll be nice to have something extra to look forward to if you were around. I want you to know that I'm a strong alpha woman who has dreams and aspirations of her own. But why is it everytime I look at you and see you as yourself, not perfect but perfectly imperfect, I lose myself and I drown myself in the thought of you and me as one?"
I thought you'd walk beside me;
instead I walk alone,
along this empty street,
full of broken dreams,
oppressive in its silence,
starving in its clutter,
the weight drags me down.
sounds of sorrow
echoing off invisable walls
block me in
slow my footsteps
seductively invite me to stay,
then brusquely watch me break
and tear me apart
instead I walk alone,
along this empty street,
full of broken dreams,
oppressive in its silence,
starving in its clutter,
the weight drags me down.
sounds of sorrow
echoing off invisable walls
block me in
slow my footsteps
seductively invite me to stay,
then brusquely watch me break
and tear me apart
Sunday, December 12, 2004
I hate how you make me feel
and that makes me want to hate you
but I can't
not yet anyways
maybe one day you'll do something that
will push me over the edge
and I won't care anymore ~
one day.
because I hate what you do to me
how you've filled my mind
and I thought,
my heart
but now you're so cold
your indifference burns me like ice
and yet I can't free myself of you.
You used to fill my thoughts,
and now I can forget about you
for a while
but then the piercing pain fills my soul again
does this mean I'm getting over you
or is it just that I've become so used to
your presence inside my head I don't
even realize you're there,
and I dream of you
the taste of your lips
the heat of your body
the beating of my heart
as I hold you close,
I long for
the sweet passion in your eyes
when you look at me
of endless hours in your arms
the balm of your embrace
filling me, making me whole
erasing the pain of the past
I dream of you
and yet
I wish I could forget you
I wish you would leave my mind
Leave my tomented soul
LEAVE!
but please don't forget me
and that makes me want to hate you
but I can't
not yet anyways
maybe one day you'll do something that
will push me over the edge
and I won't care anymore ~
one day.
because I hate what you do to me
how you've filled my mind
and I thought,
my heart
but now you're so cold
your indifference burns me like ice
and yet I can't free myself of you.
You used to fill my thoughts,
and now I can forget about you
for a while
but then the piercing pain fills my soul again
does this mean I'm getting over you
or is it just that I've become so used to
your presence inside my head I don't
even realize you're there,
and I dream of you
the taste of your lips
the heat of your body
the beating of my heart
as I hold you close,
I long for
the sweet passion in your eyes
when you look at me
of endless hours in your arms
the balm of your embrace
filling me, making me whole
erasing the pain of the past
I dream of you
and yet
I wish I could forget you
I wish you would leave my mind
Leave my tomented soul
LEAVE!
but please don't forget me
Monday, December 06, 2004
So my cousins Aimee and Dawn were up visiting for the week-end from the states. They arrived Thursday night....which is why I wasn't at the coffee house, as I already had to explain to a few people:P And they go back early tomorrow. That makes me sad, but I is very happy that they came up to see us. Exams start this week. I have one on the 10th, 11th, and then not til the 21st. I am MOST unhappy about how late my last exam is. It's on the very last day of exams, in the very last time slot. I should be all christmasy, not worrying about exams. Oh well, no one ever said Life was fair. Because my cousins were up we had a big family dinner tonight (mmm chinese food!), including my aunt and her boyfriend and my cousin Sean, who I also haven't seen for a while. So all in all, it was a very good family day. Took a lot of pictures, ate a lot of food, massaged a lot of backs lol, did a lot of talking, and had lots of hugs and kisses and love!
