Exhausted.

Burned out.

Sick.

But I got through block.

Completely exhausted.

Boys = Immaturity

That is all.

In rememberance of all those who fought, and died, and gave their lives so that we could live in freedom. I hope everyone took a moment today to remember. Thank you.


Sometimes boys are so confusing they make my head spin. Sigh. Maybe next weekend will help to clarify what exactly is going on in my life.

School is still insane. It's been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week. I haven't cried this much in a long time. However, I've taken steps to help resolve the issues that made it so bad, so hopefully it will be getting better. I am trying to think positively, and hope that this upcoming week will be better.

I hate crying at school, it's never a good day when that happens. :(

Who has time to update anymore? I'm way too busy and stressed with teachers college, lesson planning, actual teaching, doing my own homework for inclass, and then going out and socializing on the weekend so I don't go insane, because I basically work with ALL women ALL week, and it's a totally unbalanced way to work...I have to go out with my friends and receive some male attention so I don't go nuts when I go back to my all female world...inbetween all the planning and teaching and working I have to do. that was completly a rambling, long winded entry, but my brain is tired from teaching today, so that will have to do for now.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

So I taught my first lesson last tuesday. It went really well, surprisingly well actually, and my students absoluetly loved it! I'm teaching my second lesson tomorrow, drama again. So it was a pretty stressful week. Then, this weekend totally ROCKED. I really needed a fun weekend like this to detress too. On friday night I went to a potluck with my school friends, where there was lots of tasty foods and much fun. Afterwards a bunch of us went out to a bar, and that was just as much fun. Hilarious actually. I met some interesting people, and I feel like a made a few friends. :) On saturday night, I went out again, with some of the same people from Friday night but some more as well. It was definately an interesting night. Of course I stayed out way too late both nights. My cousins had come up from tennessee for the weekend, so they woke me up early on sunday to have breakfast with them, and spent most of the day with them. Man, was I ever exhasted. I went to sleep early, well relatively early last night. Thank goodness I have the day off school, cuz I need it to recouperate and do work. It was a long, crazy fun filled weekend. Very good times!

What a crazy night of stage managing, by the end of last night I was so stressed out I was ready to cry. You know how crazy stuff never ever happens on its own right, it only happens on the busiest, already crazy night. Last night was one of those night. So after a long day of school I made my way to the play site, And ON TIME I might add! When I got there I discovered all the power was out because of some big accident on the highway, and they only had emergency power for like 15 minutes left. Well, for the kind of play this is it wouldn't really matter as we're outside lit by candlelight all night anyways...but it would matter for people to get in and out of costume, and set up props, and snacks, and use the washroom and ect...well fortunately about 10 to 15 minutes later the power came back on. Phew! Hurdle one down. Well, after that it was busy from the get go, people were late, some props had been locked away that had to be found, gates were left open at both ends of the site and people were wandering in instead of going up to the top where the box office is and where they are SUPPOSED to go, actors had to be spoken to, schedules had to be checked, some people had to be hurried into costume, and all sorts of busy, but not too unnormal play things were going on. I also had to call the police to let them know that we were going to be setting off a starter pistol in our play, so no one hears gunshots and freaks out. Well, this was the first time I ever had to do it, usually someone else takes care of it, and it freaked me out a little. That was stressful, but now that I've done it once I know exactly what to do, and it won't worry me anymore. As you can see, nothing huge or terrible had happened yet, but just a whole bunch of things happening at once that had to be taken care of, a lot of which hadn't happened last weekends performance. SO, show starts off pretty well, a few unexpecteds, but nothing I couldn't handle. All in all, I was feeling pretty stage manegery that night, stressed, but nothing I couldn't handle. It was cold out, but I did my vagrant job drifting around checking on all my actors, warming myself by the few scenes that had fires :P The fire part was nice, it was quite chilly, and I love a nice cherry fire to warm myself in front of them. Then, about half way through the night, I hear that one of my actors has cut himself in the scene. It turns out my director, who's also acting, cut himself on the axe in his scene after only 2 of the 5 groups who were going to be going through that night. Well apparently there was a lot of blood, but he was a real trouper and finished up the night. You couldn't even tell he was hurt by his performance. Well once his scene was done, he headed off to the hospital to get checked out and see if he needed stitches or anything. Well, that 'excitment over with' I continued on with the rest of the usual stage managery things, and we finished up the show. Then one of the lurkers S was looking for another of the lurkers J, because she was supposed to be giving her a ride home. Well, they couldn't find her, andf were looking all over the village for her, noone was too worried yet, because the site is a good size and it was dark, and it often takes a while to find someone at night. Anyways, after awhile, they eventually find her, and it turns out she had passed out. I came upon S helping J walk just as they were coming up to the main building. I'll tell you, it freaked me out. J wasn't looking well at all, and she's my friend's little sister, and is also friend's with my brother, she's kind of like my adopted little sister in a sense, you know. So I was really freaked out and concerned. However, I didn't let it show. I helped get her upstairs and find the people to take care of her, and everything, and I stayed with her. I was in stage manager/take charge mode, I'm actually really good in an emergency...as long as it's not my own blood. I was really worried about her, but our costume mistress is apparently a trained RN (I didn't know) so J was in good hands. I stayed with her and and evrything while she got checked out, and they had to write up a report and everything. Then J's friend's mom (and her friend S) took her to the hospital to get checked out. I was ok until then, then it hits you after, you know. I felt weak and tired and limp, after the adrenilene runs out I guess. I was strong during the 'crisis', and supportive, and calm and comforting, it's just after the worry really hits me. So then I had to drive home. I was stressed out and emotional, and after all that ready to cry. It didn't helped I've been PMS'ing like mad this week, so I was emotional anyways. I got home safe and sound and vented to my family, and then went to bed and had a veryyyy long, much needed night of sleep. So that was my crazy, stressful night of stage managing last night...

Where to start...it hasn't been that long technically since I've updated, but so much has happened and I've been so busy it's hard to know where to start when I've let my writing slide. teachers College is going well, it's really stressful, but interesting and fun and I'm really enjoying it. In some ways it's totally different from what I expected, in a lot of ways actually, but in other ways it's not. I'm learning a lot, and I have two really great profs who teach most of my classes, although I prfer one over the other. They are both nice, I just really relate more to the other. My friend mani, who I've known since HS/Uni is in the program with me, and that is reaslly helping. Although I have met many new people, and am making new friends, it is nice to have someone you already know and trust to hash things over with, stress about things together, and someone to vent to when things don't go how I'd like. While I said I have met many nice people, there are some real bossy bitches in my class as well unfortunately, and as we are all spending the second whole week together, people's true personalities are starting to come out. The very first week, people were like on their best behaviour. But this being our second week of straight class before we start splitting our time between school and placement schools, I knew this is where I'd really start to see people for who they are. Some people are just as nice as they seem, some even nicer, others are horrible, bossy, mean sarcastic bitch-asses who quite frankly I don't know how they even got in the program. I was stuck sitting with a bunch of people like that yesterday unfortunately, and it really left a horrible taste in my mouth, and left me in a bad mood yesterday afterschool. However, today was a much better day overall, for a variety of reasons.
On another note, SW has started once again, so I have been busy with that as well, rushing to rehearsals afterschool. This past weekend was the opening, and then this thurs, fri and saturday it's on again. I'm thinking the three nights in a row (new this year) is going to be a little much, it's tiring and it ties up an awful lot of time. I prefered the two nights in a row myself.
What else....well I've been working really hard and have been under a lot of stress. You know what they say, work hard, play hard. So I've gone out every weekend since school started with mani and beth and some other people sometimes. It has been much needed stress relief, and also much needed male attention. Being in a program of 68 people, that has exactly only SIX guys in it, the classroom environment is a little unbalanced. It's like estrogen overload, and by the end of the week it just sometimes is too much. So it's nice to go out to the bar/club and be inundated with male attention. Although I've had to fend off a lot of creeps, I have had some 'appropriate' attention as well, and it's certainly been a boost to my ego. It helps balance the estrogen overload I've been dealing with at school anyways. Then I'm ready to go back and start it all over again on monday. And now now mani and I have a lot of strange/interesting/or crazy stories to tell about our weekend adventures. All in all it has been a very busy, interesting past couple of weeks.

I seriously had some of the weirdest dreams ever last night...I think I'll attribute it to stress, stress, first week of placement school crazyness, and more stress...because otherwise, I don't know where these strange strange dreams came from, or exactly what to make of them...

What a day...had my first day of placement at my elemntary school, I got grade fives! I like that, even if I am in a portable...:S Exhausted, was nervous/excited last night and didn't get to sleep til really late, but off to rehearsal tonight I will go anyways...

I'll try posting an actual update of what I've been doing...and there has been a lot of it...when I'm not so pooped.

I wrote my last exam, deferred from this spring due to illness.
I am busily attending to my stage manager duties for SW three nights a week.
I have my G2 test booked for this thursday (finally!)
I start Teachers College on Monday.

I am SO on a roll and feeling good. Busy as a little bee :P, but good! And very excited for this monday to come and start orientation week at my new school. However, I am also very nervous about finally taking my G2 driving test, if I didn't have braces my nails would be bitten down to nothing again...this is something I really want. I am trying to think positive, but if I don't pass I am going to be in a terrible mood all weekend, and cry a lot. I KNOW many people don't pass the first time they take it, but I feel like I should be able to. I also have to run around this week and get my school supplies, some more new 'school appropriate' clothes...oh and shoes, and miscellaneous other things that need to be done in the little summertime I have left. Also a new book will be coming my way once I get to chapters tomorrow, a pure enjoyment bookto devour before school starts and the 'educational' reading starts...just lots of running around left to do. Now, off to watch the rest of Debbie Travis Facelift, and then to bed...

Why is it that when I have something important to do or get ready for, I always get the worst PMS? :(

I start Teachers College in 12 days. That is absolutely fucking amazing. I am super excited, nervous too...but more excited :P It is unbelieveable, I can't believe it's actually almost here. I can't believe I'm almost officially a teacher...or teacher candidate anyways. Spirit Walk rehearsals all week, (mon tues wed through august) so I am busy. If I were just an actor I wouldn't have to go all 3 nights, but as SM I definately do. 3 nights in a row is a lot to commit to, I kind of wish they were spread out over the week like in a normal play, but c'est la vie eh. I am also rather bug bitten, which I really don't like...

*off to put anti itch cream on those pesky bug bites...

Just call me martha stuart and send me to jail...

I just cooked/(baked?) a whole Tiramisu all by myself. Does the talent never end? I have seriously got mad skills :D...feeling very proud of myself...thought I'd say that, just in case anyone couldn't tell...lol

Now I am just waiting for that baby to finish setting in the fridge, and I can dig in...I may even leave some for my family if I'm feeling nice...:P

Tonight we went to pick up my brother from a friends house who was having a party, we also gave a ride home to a couple of his friends who live near us. They're all finished grade 12, and some are going off to university. And it made me think...suddenly it took me back to that last summer after high school, and that short time in which we tried to make the most of the friends we knew we'd be parting with, the ones we'd have to say good bye to as we all went off in our different directions. It was a very emotional, poignent time. Exciting as the new prospect of a new school and new life was, it also meant I had to say good bye to friends I'd grown very close too, and who I'd grown with. I remember the tear filled eyes of the girls in our group of friends on that last night when we all hung out, before people had to leave for school. The promises that we'd call, and talk online, the thought that thanksgiving wasn't that far away, the promises that we'd stay in touch. This joyful sadness in looking forward, but knowing what we'd be leaving behind...there was this kind of...sadness? fear? anxiety? I don't quite know what word to use...that although we promised to stay in touch, we would drift apart. And the first year, it was both easier and harder. It was easier to stay in touch, to call and chat with people you hadn't parted with that long ago. Thanksgiving of that first year we all got together at thanksgiving, after our family celebrations, to have our own thanksgiving dinner. That was a good, and interesting time. There were still those close ties left over from the summer. The fresh friendship and memories, and new experiences to share. But as time progressed, and we all got busier in our own seperate schools, it got harder. As we all established seperate lives, we got busier, and I know for myself at least, it got harder to keep in touch with people far away. It wasn't just just the distance however, we were all growing and developing new friends, new interests, new lives. And there are people I have drifted apart from from high school, people that I, somewhat innocently I suppose, thought I'd still be close with through university. It happens I guess, you assume what you have will be there in the future. Now of course I made new friends, and have still been able to keep up some of the old friendships, but not all of them. I'm a different person now, and both distance and personality seperates me from some of the people I related to so well before. I'm happy with who I am becoming, and with my friends and my life right now. But I'll always treasure those memories of that sweet, sad, poignent summer, and of the friendships I had back then.

I am officially 23 now.

I had a very nice birthday on thursday, and received muchly nice gifts.

In other news, the name of the game today is barbeques and babysitting. Going to my cousin Mary-Beth's barbeque this afternoon, then coming home and going babysitting. Having fun, AND making money, yay!

It's my birthday in a week. Less than a week actually...July 27th to be precise. I'll be turning 23, which is freaking me out a little. getting older is both exciting, and scary sometimes.

I'm 22...I'm 22...I'm 22...I'm going to say that while I still can, for after next week I won't be able to. I'm going to go and try and deal with some of this emotional age angst that I'm feeling right now...

I have the second weekend of performance for the murder mystery I am producer for, and it's supposed to be uber hot all weekend. :( And, like most of the plays I do with this particular theatre group, it is outside, which is probably going to mean hot and itchy times for me. After spending last weekend outside my allergies were really acting up this week, and I will not be surprised if that happens again this weekend...oh well, at least I got a new sunscreen tonight. Hopefully I won't be allergic to this one, and it will keep me from getting burned, yay no sunburn!!! It is supposed to be like 32 degrees out sat and sunday, so I guess I will be dressing lightly...

My email is acting up, being really stupid and uncooperative for some reason, and I am really itchy and crappy feeling from my allergies...going to go curl up and watch more What Not To Wear, hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

Sometimes I worry that it's all going to slip away. What I want and what I dream for myself, and that I'll slip into some humdrum mundane existance where the dreams I had are but distant memories.