While I haven't recently had a boy cheat on me, I can really relate to these lyrics. The boy these lyrics make me think of may not have cheated, but I feel like the lyrics could describe him anyways...and how I was feeling a few weeks ago as well.


Before He Cheats
Carrie Underwood

Right now he's probably slow dancing with a bleached-blond tramp,and she's probably getting frisky...
right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drink cause she can't shoot whiskey...
Right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick, showing her how to shoot a combo...
And he don't know...
That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seat...
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.
Right now, she's probably up singing somewhite-trash version of Shania karoke..
Right now, she's probably saying "I'm drunk"and he's a thinking that he's gonna get lucky,
Right now, he's probably dabbing on 3 dollars worth of that bathroom cologne...
And he don't know...
That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seat,
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.
I might saved a little trouble for the next girl,
Cause the next time that he cheats...
Oh, you know it won't be on me!
Ohh... not on me...
Cause I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seat...
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.
Ohh.. Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats...
Ohh... before he cheats...

Whereas before I was counting down the days until teachers college started, now I am counting down the days until it ends...who knew it would be so completely, totally different from what I was expecting. If I can just manage the stress and anxiety, I may make it through yet...

It's bad though, that I'm stressing out about school again. I don't go back for almost 2 weeks, and already I am so stressed out about everything that I have to do, or will have to do. In all honesty it's become a daily questioning of myself whether I really want to go back or not. Is this kind of stress worth it? Worth a degree? Worth something I'm not even sure I want to do anymore because this crappy program has burned me out? But on the other hand, I've already invested so much time, effort, and money into this program that it seems like it would be a waste to quit now. And I'm not a "quitter", I never have been. When I start something I want to finish it, especially something like this. But is getting this degree worth it? Worth all the stress and anxiety and tears that I know is going to come with the second, longer semester of this program? I don't know anymore, I just don't know.

And that's not really a comfortable state of mind to live in.

Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas! Mine was good, lots of family stuff and such. And in case I don't update before then, hope everyone has an awesome New Years as well!

Almost Doesn't Count
Brandy
_____

Almost made you love me
Almost made you cry
Almost made you happy, baby
Didn't I didn't I
You almost had me thinkin'
You were turned around
But everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

Almost heard you saying
You were finally free
What was always missing for you, baby
You'd found it in me
But you can't get to heaven
Half off the ground
Everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

I can't keep on lovin' you
One foot outside the door
I hear a funny hesitation
Of a heart that's never really sure
Can't keep on tryin'
If you're looking for more
Than all that I could give you
Than what you came here for

Gonna find me somebody
Not afraid to let go
Want a no doubt be there kind of man
You came real close
But every time you built me up
You only let me down
And everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

Maybe you'll be sorry
Maybe you'll be cold
Maybe you'll come runnin' back, baby
From the cruel cruel world
Almost convince me
You're gonna stick around
But everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

So maybe I'll be here
Maybe I'll see ya 'round
Almost doesn't count




Better Things To Do
Terri Clark
____

Don't tell me the reason that you're calling
Is to see if I'm all right since you've been gone
'Cause I know you and I know why we're talking
You're wanting me to say I'm barely hanging on
Well, maybe that was true for a night or two
But now, I got better things to do

I could wash my car in the rain
Change my new guitar strings
Mow the yard just the same as I did yesterday
I don't need to waste my time crying over you
I got better things to do

Maybe when I don't have so much going
Or quite so many irons in the fire
I'll take the time to miss you like you're hoping
But now, I can't put forth the effort it requires
Well, I'd love to talk to you, but then, I'd miss Donahue
That's right, I got better things to do

I could wash my car in the rain
Change my new guitar strings
Mow the yard just the same as I did yesterday
I don't need to waste my time crying over you
I got better things to do

Check the air in my tires
Straighten my stereo wires
Count the stars in the sky or just get on with my life
I don't need to waste my time crying over you
I got better things to do
I got better things to do

This is has been a hellishly exhausting and stressful couple of weeks. But the last assignment has FINALLY been handed in for the semester...even though I still have to teach next week...that part kind of sucks, I want to do christmas things! But at least the written assignments are done. And tonight I am going to a potluck some friends from school are having, then out dancing. And then tomorrow, my nana and cousins will be here from the states! Yay!

Boys are so immature sometimes. Oh well, I went shopping with M and B and I bought a really hot new top to wear next time I am going to see a particular immature boy. Help him recognize what he's missing you know...

That's such a girly thing to do, but I can't help it...I'm such a girly girl sometimes...

School is going better. Although it's still crazy stressful, I'm in environment that better suits me now, so that is helping. Although I did end up crying 2 days in a row at school last week, and thats never a good week when that happens. However, that was having to deal with issues from the place I was working before, and I'm just trying to leave all that crazy shit and emotional angst behind if some people would let me...I'm even feeling slightly organized because I'm almost done an assignment that's not due til thursday! Yay me!

If I have a bruise from a barfight that happened right in front of me, from bumping my knee against the table when it happened, does that count as being involved? Can I say I've officially been involved in a bar fight? :P Oh my goodness, cuz that's what went down friday night...can't even begin to explain that here now, it would take way too long.

Going to go work on my math assignment tonight, and then I am SO looking forward to partying with my girls downtown this friday!

Exhausted.

Burned out.

Sick.

But I got through block.

Completely exhausted.

Boys = Immaturity

That is all.

In rememberance of all those who fought, and died, and gave their lives so that we could live in freedom. I hope everyone took a moment today to remember. Thank you.


Sometimes boys are so confusing they make my head spin. Sigh. Maybe next weekend will help to clarify what exactly is going on in my life.

School is still insane. It's been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week. I haven't cried this much in a long time. However, I've taken steps to help resolve the issues that made it so bad, so hopefully it will be getting better. I am trying to think positively, and hope that this upcoming week will be better.

I hate crying at school, it's never a good day when that happens. :(

Who has time to update anymore? I'm way too busy and stressed with teachers college, lesson planning, actual teaching, doing my own homework for inclass, and then going out and socializing on the weekend so I don't go insane, because I basically work with ALL women ALL week, and it's a totally unbalanced way to work...I have to go out with my friends and receive some male attention so I don't go nuts when I go back to my all female world...inbetween all the planning and teaching and working I have to do. that was completly a rambling, long winded entry, but my brain is tired from teaching today, so that will have to do for now.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

So I taught my first lesson last tuesday. It went really well, surprisingly well actually, and my students absoluetly loved it! I'm teaching my second lesson tomorrow, drama again. So it was a pretty stressful week. Then, this weekend totally ROCKED. I really needed a fun weekend like this to detress too. On friday night I went to a potluck with my school friends, where there was lots of tasty foods and much fun. Afterwards a bunch of us went out to a bar, and that was just as much fun. Hilarious actually. I met some interesting people, and I feel like a made a few friends. :) On saturday night, I went out again, with some of the same people from Friday night but some more as well. It was definately an interesting night. Of course I stayed out way too late both nights. My cousins had come up from tennessee for the weekend, so they woke me up early on sunday to have breakfast with them, and spent most of the day with them. Man, was I ever exhasted. I went to sleep early, well relatively early last night. Thank goodness I have the day off school, cuz I need it to recouperate and do work. It was a long, crazy fun filled weekend. Very good times!

What a crazy night of stage managing, by the end of last night I was so stressed out I was ready to cry. You know how crazy stuff never ever happens on its own right, it only happens on the busiest, already crazy night. Last night was one of those night. So after a long day of school I made my way to the play site, And ON TIME I might add! When I got there I discovered all the power was out because of some big accident on the highway, and they only had emergency power for like 15 minutes left. Well, for the kind of play this is it wouldn't really matter as we're outside lit by candlelight all night anyways...but it would matter for people to get in and out of costume, and set up props, and snacks, and use the washroom and ect...well fortunately about 10 to 15 minutes later the power came back on. Phew! Hurdle one down. Well, after that it was busy from the get go, people were late, some props had been locked away that had to be found, gates were left open at both ends of the site and people were wandering in instead of going up to the top where the box office is and where they are SUPPOSED to go, actors had to be spoken to, schedules had to be checked, some people had to be hurried into costume, and all sorts of busy, but not too unnormal play things were going on. I also had to call the police to let them know that we were going to be setting off a starter pistol in our play, so no one hears gunshots and freaks out. Well, this was the first time I ever had to do it, usually someone else takes care of it, and it freaked me out a little. That was stressful, but now that I've done it once I know exactly what to do, and it won't worry me anymore. As you can see, nothing huge or terrible had happened yet, but just a whole bunch of things happening at once that had to be taken care of, a lot of which hadn't happened last weekends performance. SO, show starts off pretty well, a few unexpecteds, but nothing I couldn't handle. All in all, I was feeling pretty stage manegery that night, stressed, but nothing I couldn't handle. It was cold out, but I did my vagrant job drifting around checking on all my actors, warming myself by the few scenes that had fires :P The fire part was nice, it was quite chilly, and I love a nice cherry fire to warm myself in front of them. Then, about half way through the night, I hear that one of my actors has cut himself in the scene. It turns out my director, who's also acting, cut himself on the axe in his scene after only 2 of the 5 groups who were going to be going through that night. Well apparently there was a lot of blood, but he was a real trouper and finished up the night. You couldn't even tell he was hurt by his performance. Well once his scene was done, he headed off to the hospital to get checked out and see if he needed stitches or anything. Well, that 'excitment over with' I continued on with the rest of the usual stage managery things, and we finished up the show. Then one of the lurkers S was looking for another of the lurkers J, because she was supposed to be giving her a ride home. Well, they couldn't find her, andf were looking all over the village for her, noone was too worried yet, because the site is a good size and it was dark, and it often takes a while to find someone at night. Anyways, after awhile, they eventually find her, and it turns out she had passed out. I came upon S helping J walk just as they were coming up to the main building. I'll tell you, it freaked me out. J wasn't looking well at all, and she's my friend's little sister, and is also friend's with my brother, she's kind of like my adopted little sister in a sense, you know. So I was really freaked out and concerned. However, I didn't let it show. I helped get her upstairs and find the people to take care of her, and everything, and I stayed with her. I was in stage manager/take charge mode, I'm actually really good in an emergency...as long as it's not my own blood. I was really worried about her, but our costume mistress is apparently a trained RN (I didn't know) so J was in good hands. I stayed with her and and evrything while she got checked out, and they had to write up a report and everything. Then J's friend's mom (and her friend S) took her to the hospital to get checked out. I was ok until then, then it hits you after, you know. I felt weak and tired and limp, after the adrenilene runs out I guess. I was strong during the 'crisis', and supportive, and calm and comforting, it's just after the worry really hits me. So then I had to drive home. I was stressed out and emotional, and after all that ready to cry. It didn't helped I've been PMS'ing like mad this week, so I was emotional anyways. I got home safe and sound and vented to my family, and then went to bed and had a veryyyy long, much needed night of sleep. So that was my crazy, stressful night of stage managing last night...

Where to start...it hasn't been that long technically since I've updated, but so much has happened and I've been so busy it's hard to know where to start when I've let my writing slide. teachers College is going well, it's really stressful, but interesting and fun and I'm really enjoying it. In some ways it's totally different from what I expected, in a lot of ways actually, but in other ways it's not. I'm learning a lot, and I have two really great profs who teach most of my classes, although I prfer one over the other. They are both nice, I just really relate more to the other. My friend mani, who I've known since HS/Uni is in the program with me, and that is reaslly helping. Although I have met many new people, and am making new friends, it is nice to have someone you already know and trust to hash things over with, stress about things together, and someone to vent to when things don't go how I'd like. While I said I have met many nice people, there are some real bossy bitches in my class as well unfortunately, and as we are all spending the second whole week together, people's true personalities are starting to come out. The very first week, people were like on their best behaviour. But this being our second week of straight class before we start splitting our time between school and placement schools, I knew this is where I'd really start to see people for who they are. Some people are just as nice as they seem, some even nicer, others are horrible, bossy, mean sarcastic bitch-asses who quite frankly I don't know how they even got in the program. I was stuck sitting with a bunch of people like that yesterday unfortunately, and it really left a horrible taste in my mouth, and left me in a bad mood yesterday afterschool. However, today was a much better day overall, for a variety of reasons.
On another note, SW has started once again, so I have been busy with that as well, rushing to rehearsals afterschool. This past weekend was the opening, and then this thurs, fri and saturday it's on again. I'm thinking the three nights in a row (new this year) is going to be a little much, it's tiring and it ties up an awful lot of time. I prefered the two nights in a row myself.
What else....well I've been working really hard and have been under a lot of stress. You know what they say, work hard, play hard. So I've gone out every weekend since school started with mani and beth and some other people sometimes. It has been much needed stress relief, and also much needed male attention. Being in a program of 68 people, that has exactly only SIX guys in it, the classroom environment is a little unbalanced. It's like estrogen overload, and by the end of the week it just sometimes is too much. So it's nice to go out to the bar/club and be inundated with male attention. Although I've had to fend off a lot of creeps, I have had some 'appropriate' attention as well, and it's certainly been a boost to my ego. It helps balance the estrogen overload I've been dealing with at school anyways. Then I'm ready to go back and start it all over again on monday. And now now mani and I have a lot of strange/interesting/or crazy stories to tell about our weekend adventures. All in all it has been a very busy, interesting past couple of weeks.

I seriously had some of the weirdest dreams ever last night...I think I'll attribute it to stress, stress, first week of placement school crazyness, and more stress...because otherwise, I don't know where these strange strange dreams came from, or exactly what to make of them...

What a day...had my first day of placement at my elemntary school, I got grade fives! I like that, even if I am in a portable...:S Exhausted, was nervous/excited last night and didn't get to sleep til really late, but off to rehearsal tonight I will go anyways...

I'll try posting an actual update of what I've been doing...and there has been a lot of it...when I'm not so pooped.

I wrote my last exam, deferred from this spring due to illness.
I am busily attending to my stage manager duties for SW three nights a week.
I have my G2 test booked for this thursday (finally!)
I start Teachers College on Monday.

I am SO on a roll and feeling good. Busy as a little bee :P, but good! And very excited for this monday to come and start orientation week at my new school. However, I am also very nervous about finally taking my G2 driving test, if I didn't have braces my nails would be bitten down to nothing again...this is something I really want. I am trying to think positive, but if I don't pass I am going to be in a terrible mood all weekend, and cry a lot. I KNOW many people don't pass the first time they take it, but I feel like I should be able to. I also have to run around this week and get my school supplies, some more new 'school appropriate' clothes...oh and shoes, and miscellaneous other things that need to be done in the little summertime I have left. Also a new book will be coming my way once I get to chapters tomorrow, a pure enjoyment bookto devour before school starts and the 'educational' reading starts...just lots of running around left to do. Now, off to watch the rest of Debbie Travis Facelift, and then to bed...

Why is it that when I have something important to do or get ready for, I always get the worst PMS? :(

I start Teachers College in 12 days. That is absolutely fucking amazing. I am super excited, nervous too...but more excited :P It is unbelieveable, I can't believe it's actually almost here. I can't believe I'm almost officially a teacher...or teacher candidate anyways. Spirit Walk rehearsals all week, (mon tues wed through august) so I am busy. If I were just an actor I wouldn't have to go all 3 nights, but as SM I definately do. 3 nights in a row is a lot to commit to, I kind of wish they were spread out over the week like in a normal play, but c'est la vie eh. I am also rather bug bitten, which I really don't like...

*off to put anti itch cream on those pesky bug bites...

Just call me martha stuart and send me to jail...

I just cooked/(baked?) a whole Tiramisu all by myself. Does the talent never end? I have seriously got mad skills :D...feeling very proud of myself...thought I'd say that, just in case anyone couldn't tell...lol

Now I am just waiting for that baby to finish setting in the fridge, and I can dig in...I may even leave some for my family if I'm feeling nice...:P

Tonight we went to pick up my brother from a friends house who was having a party, we also gave a ride home to a couple of his friends who live near us. They're all finished grade 12, and some are going off to university. And it made me think...suddenly it took me back to that last summer after high school, and that short time in which we tried to make the most of the friends we knew we'd be parting with, the ones we'd have to say good bye to as we all went off in our different directions. It was a very emotional, poignent time. Exciting as the new prospect of a new school and new life was, it also meant I had to say good bye to friends I'd grown very close too, and who I'd grown with. I remember the tear filled eyes of the girls in our group of friends on that last night when we all hung out, before people had to leave for school. The promises that we'd call, and talk online, the thought that thanksgiving wasn't that far away, the promises that we'd stay in touch. This joyful sadness in looking forward, but knowing what we'd be leaving behind...there was this kind of...sadness? fear? anxiety? I don't quite know what word to use...that although we promised to stay in touch, we would drift apart. And the first year, it was both easier and harder. It was easier to stay in touch, to call and chat with people you hadn't parted with that long ago. Thanksgiving of that first year we all got together at thanksgiving, after our family celebrations, to have our own thanksgiving dinner. That was a good, and interesting time. There were still those close ties left over from the summer. The fresh friendship and memories, and new experiences to share. But as time progressed, and we all got busier in our own seperate schools, it got harder. As we all established seperate lives, we got busier, and I know for myself at least, it got harder to keep in touch with people far away. It wasn't just just the distance however, we were all growing and developing new friends, new interests, new lives. And there are people I have drifted apart from from high school, people that I, somewhat innocently I suppose, thought I'd still be close with through university. It happens I guess, you assume what you have will be there in the future. Now of course I made new friends, and have still been able to keep up some of the old friendships, but not all of them. I'm a different person now, and both distance and personality seperates me from some of the people I related to so well before. I'm happy with who I am becoming, and with my friends and my life right now. But I'll always treasure those memories of that sweet, sad, poignent summer, and of the friendships I had back then.

I am officially 23 now.

I had a very nice birthday on thursday, and received muchly nice gifts.

In other news, the name of the game today is barbeques and babysitting. Going to my cousin Mary-Beth's barbeque this afternoon, then coming home and going babysitting. Having fun, AND making money, yay!

It's my birthday in a week. Less than a week actually...July 27th to be precise. I'll be turning 23, which is freaking me out a little. getting older is both exciting, and scary sometimes.

I'm 22...I'm 22...I'm 22...I'm going to say that while I still can, for after next week I won't be able to. I'm going to go and try and deal with some of this emotional age angst that I'm feeling right now...

I have the second weekend of performance for the murder mystery I am producer for, and it's supposed to be uber hot all weekend. :( And, like most of the plays I do with this particular theatre group, it is outside, which is probably going to mean hot and itchy times for me. After spending last weekend outside my allergies were really acting up this week, and I will not be surprised if that happens again this weekend...oh well, at least I got a new sunscreen tonight. Hopefully I won't be allergic to this one, and it will keep me from getting burned, yay no sunburn!!! It is supposed to be like 32 degrees out sat and sunday, so I guess I will be dressing lightly...

My email is acting up, being really stupid and uncooperative for some reason, and I am really itchy and crappy feeling from my allergies...going to go curl up and watch more What Not To Wear, hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

Sometimes I worry that it's all going to slip away. What I want and what I dream for myself, and that I'll slip into some humdrum mundane existance where the dreams I had are but distant memories.

Realizations for the day...

I was looking at my blog profile, and I just realized I have been blogging it up for over three years. I have kept this sucker up for three years running...that's a pretty long time...who woulda thunk it three years ago that I'd still be writing in this thing today...

I was just doing some tidying, and going over some papers in my room, and I had some papers to add to my journal. So I sat down and took a glance over it, and I found my List of things to do. Well I guess I haven't taken a good look at it for a little while, because much to my delight I was able to check something off, and then as I kept reading to my greater surprise I was able to check off a second activity. Those two things I wanted to do I will not share here, they are rather personal and kind of involved with something that is still going on in my life...however, happily I was able to check off THREE more things on my list that I will share here; cook an entire dinner (from scratch including dessert and everything, and I'm not talking scrambled eggs here people), get into teachers college, and stage manage a play. These are all things which I have relatively recently achieved, but it didn't occur to me to check them off on my little list. Now you may laugh at the fact that I actually have a list written down of things that i want to do, but it makes me happy and I like it so I don't care. On total, I was able to cross off FIVE things on my List Of Things To Do...a very successful and pleasing event which came about because I was being industrius and cleaning, yay me!

HAPPY CANADA DAY!

Proud to be a Canadian girl, and ready to celebrate it!

I went to see Theory of a Deadman live at LeScratch on wednesday. They were so fucking amazing! Excuse the language, but there really is no other way to describe it. They put on a fantastic performance, they really know how to put on a show. They were very crowd friendly and interactive, and I absolutely loved it. There are a lot of bands that just don't sound as good live as on CD, Theory is not one of them...they sounded just like their music does, only better! I love their music, and they played all of my favourite songs that I hoped they would. Plus, the lead singer is totally HOT. Guys with tatoos and mohawks are not what I would usually consider to be my type, but he looks so hot with that mohawk...he's just a really good looking guy overall, and damn can that man sing...
I had such a fantastically amazing time. We were only like 10 feet from the stage, and even though it was quite crowded, I had an amazing view. By the time we left my voice was hoarse from singing along and shouting out, but it was SO worth it! As soon as they are back in the area, I will be back at their next concert. I had so much fun and they totally ROCKED the show! WooT!

Sometimes I think I live too much inside my head.

I won't say I don't have any regrets, because I don't think that would be true. But I would rather regret the things I've done and chances I've taken, than regret the things I didn't do. I don't want to be the what-if girl.

Fear is a powerful motivator. It can run your life, take over your mind, and decide the things you will and won't do. Fear can be a good thing, it can protect you, but it can also hold you back. The fear of getting hit by a car is what makes you look both ways before crossing the street. The fear of rejection, and having your heart broken is what stops some people from opening up to others. I made the conscious decision awhile ago that I wasn't going to let fear rule my life. I didn't want to let my insecurities stop me from achieving potentially great things. And I have done some absolutely terrifying things in the past few years that I never would have thought possible of myself when I was younger. I've opened up my heart and taken chances not only on love, but on friendships. I've taken chances on school, on acting, on jobs, on people, and on myself. One of the most terrifying things I've done was my interview for teachers college. I was honestly scared shitless. My knees were knocking, my hands were shaking, I was lightheaded, I was was worried that I might pass out. The interview made it real, made part of the future that I had on the line in my face and potentially in my grasp, or possibly just out of reach. There was so much riding on that interview, that I can't even describe how scared I was. But despite the fact that my legs were shaking and I thought I might faint, I went through with that interview. And I got in, I was accepted. If I had let my fear keep me at home away from that interview, I never would have known. I never would have achieved it. There have been a number of other things I have done in the past few years that i was very nervous and fearful about, but I didn't let that fear stop me from doing or trying to do what I wanted to. And I am very proud of that fact. It isn't always easy for me to put myself out there like that, I have my insecurities, and even though I am a "drama kid" I still have my shy moments. But the fact that I can put myself out there, take chances and go after the oppourtunities that I want, makes me very proud of myself, and the strength of character that I feel, perhaps that I have always had in me, has grown and allowed me to put myself out there into the world in a way that I wasn't comfortable or able to do before.

I made a decision awhile ago that I didn't want to look back and have lived a what-if life. And I'm very happy with the fact that I am pushing my own boundries and taking risks, and that I make my decisions on what I want and not on what I fear.

I was talking about this with a friend of mine, and she was of a similar opinion. I know a lot of people who are looking to settle down, or who have settled down already. I have friends who are married and have kids already, or who are actively looking for that. And I feel like some people expect that of me...but I'm only 22. I'm 22 going on 23, and I feel like I'm just really starting out on my life now, my professional life anyways. There are so many things I want to do before I get married and have kids; I have career ambitions, huge ones, there are places I want to visit, things I want to do, so many things I want to live and experience before "settling down". Things that I know are unlikely, or at least much more difficult for me to be able to do once I have kids. Don't get me wrong, I do eventually want to get married, and create a home, and have kids, I love kids and family is very important to me, but it's not something I want to do right now. I can see it in my future, but not for awhile. Now, all that being said, it doesn't mean I'm not interested in dating, because I am. I want to date and have fun, have someone interesting to talk to and spend time with. It would be nice to have someone. But that doesn't mean I'm looking for someone who wants marriage, or a intense commited relationship right now. I want to date, and have fun, enjoy myself and the company of interesting people. And if that should develop into something more serious eventually, that's fine. But I'm young, and I feel like I have time before that, time in which I want to cram a lot of life. On top of all that, I'm busy. I feel like I'm in a really good place in my life right now, and I'm really happy with where it's going. But it's busy. Not only do I have school right now, but I volunteer. I am involved with 3 different plays this summer, and I'm job interviewing and actively searching for work. I'm going to teachers college this fall, and I'm working on my acting career. I have braces and allergies. I have family and friends. I have readings to do and rehearsal prep, friend crisis' and family members to worry about. In general, I have a busy life. I realize many people have busy lives, I guess I'm just trying to show that I'm not looking for a relationship with someone that will dominate the bulk of my time, or that will take over my life. I want to date, and have fun, and just enjoy myself. I don't want to get married anytime soon, I just want to enjoy and experience life as I face its challenges right now.

I hate when I'm so tired I fall asleep and take an unexpected nap on the couch after dinner. Which is exactly what happened tonight...I was definately on the short end of sleep from last night, and I had an unplanned nap from like 8 to 10 something. Now, if I could wake up and feel better, or wake up and just go to bed that would be fine. Unfortunately I always wake up feeling like crap, it's just enough sleep that I am now too awake to go to bed for the night, but not enough that I feel rested. Consequently, right now I feel kind of like someone decided to walk all over me while I was napping.

Anyways, other news besides the fact that I don't like unexpected after dinner naps...only two more weeks of summer school left. My prof is going to hand out our last essay assignment this thursday, so guess what I'll be working on this weekend...
I am a little worse for the sunburn that I got today walking to or from class, but I'd rather have the sunshine than rain anyday when I have to be out walking.

Rehearsals are coming along for the murder mystery I am producer for, although I am struggling to collect all the bio's for the program. I don't know why it is always such a horrible fight to get bio's from actors, you'd think they'd WANT to promote their skills or experience...Anyways after friday, the absolute deadline, I won't have to worry about that any longer. Went to the first Spirit Walk meeting this past saturday...again with the 10 AM meetings...but on the upside for having to get up early, I got to go for breakfast with Mala and Heather afterwards. That was nice, since I haven't seen Mala in practicallly forever. A good girls out breakfast time.

Last Tuesday was my parents 25th wedding anniversary. What I was very proud of myself for the week was that I cooked an entire dinner for everyone, including dessert, and fresh biscuits and everything! Anyone who knows me well knows that cooking isn't one of my favourite or most skilled areas, so I was very proud of myself.

25 years is a long time to be together. I hope that one day I can find someone that I want to spend that long with, that I want to spend my life with.

What Classic Pin-Up Are You?

You're" Lili St. Cyr!

Bathroom grafiti quote of the day: "you are more important than you think"

Even though it was scrawled in the bathroom at my school, I thought it was really nice. It wasn't the usual stupid, often racist stuff...and I like it because it strikes very true I think.

I saw a women smoking while she was riding her bike today...doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose? Arguable I guess, because maybe she wasn't riding for exercise but just for the transportation...either way, I just find it very odd...

Went for another job interview on wednesday for a theatre day camp counselor job.

I handed in the first of 2 essays for my summer course today. One down...one to go.

Tomorrow I am going to work with my childrens at my volunteer school again. The school year is almost over, and I will no longer see them soon which makes me sad, I have grown very attached. Although it is possible I could one day be teaching them myself... :)

No saturday morning rehearsal this week, I get to sleep in yay! But next sat. I have to be up at the village again for a 10am Spirit Walk meeting. At least I get a saturday between to sleep late...

And that's my life as of late briefly...

Even though I have my ups and downs, I feel like my life is in a very good place right now, and I'm happy with where I'm going.

"Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely." I feel that this statement speaks volumes.

Later today I have the first meeting for this years Settlers at Sunset series. Last year the performance had to be cancelled due to construction onsight, so I am very happy to welcome Lavinia (my character) and all my duffins creek family back to my life. This is one of my favourite plays to perform, it's always a ton of fun, with very little rehearsal time. I love this combination of scripted and improv performance, it's something I feel I do quite well. When performance time rolls around I will be very happy to be Lavinia once again.

It was my brother's 18th birthday on thursday. Wait, that can't be...didn't I just turn 18? Even though I'm 22 going on 23 I can vividly remember turning 18 myself, it doesn't feel that long ago. And although it doesn't make me feel old exactly, it just seems a little odd because it seems like such a short time ago I was 18. So anyways, I now have an 18 year old brother. Happy Birthday little spoon! (family joke) We had a very nice family dinner and cake and presents and everything on his actual birthday. It was nice and I took lots of pictures.

I also had another board of directors meeting this week, and this evening I spent a chunk of time on this computer sending out approximately some 40 or 50 some emails for Spirit Walk. I'm Stage Manager again this year, but that meant I had to sent out confirmations about what parts everyone is playing, and reminders about our first meeting.

School is coming along. I like my prof, he's interesting and has quite a sharp little sense of humour about him. Plus, he never lectures the entire 3 hour class so I get out early; this is good, because after 2 hours my brain is ready to be out of there, and it means I can catch an earlier less busy Go Train.

I worked with my little childrens today. Well, technically I did a lot of helping count up and fill out forms for the fundraising that they had been doing. But I got to see my kids anyways, and I got hugs. They're so cute.

Anyways, I should go TRY and get to sleep, since I have to get up early and be at the village for my 10 am meeting...

Up until Wednesday I was having a very good week. Then I went to the orthadontist...that pretty much put me out of commision, and now I am having serious allergy problems. Well, those two things combined prety much took care of the rest of my week. Sigh. Hope this next week will be better, I will think positively...many things to do and people to see next week, so I am sure it will be a much better week. Now, I must go finish my laundrey while the washing machine is free...

I have job interview # 2 tomorrow, and summer school starts. I am taking a break from trying to figure out how to make my computer print the stupid map I need...right now it only wants to print part of it, and the part that I don't actually need. Frustrating...

haha YAY! I took a little break and my brother finally got the map I need to print yay! Otherwise I was going to have to draw myself a little map...so this is progress. So now I have my map, my go pass...paper, pens...me...I can't really think of anything else I can get ready tonight. I will have to pack some food, but I will do that tomorrow.

I went to the dentist for a cleaning tonight, and I have to go to the orthadontist wednesday...boo. But other than that, I am looking forward to the coming long weekend. I am going to be painting our bathroom, which has gotten a little faded over the years, so hopefully we'll be going to get the paint and stuff this weekend.

oh and I bought a really cute new little red netty tank top tonight. It's a perfect top to go out dancing in...I want to go dancing soon. Spring is here, summer will be here soon YaY!

Now, off to prepare for my job interview...and St.George campus, here I come...

I just love listening to the rain. I think it can be one of the most comforting, soothing sounds around, yet it can also be very exciting and electric.

I love watching the rain pour down outside through my window, there's something fascinating about it. Or better yet, I love to watch it out an open door. Rain can be so soft and nourishing, yet dangerous and destructive other times. I love the feeling of standing outside just before it's going to rain; the tension and almost electricity that builds, the thunder or looming silence that happens just before a storm hits. There's such a feeling of power, of danger, of life.

I love to curl up with a warm blanket and listen to the sound of the thunder and rain. There's nothing nicer on a rainy day then curling up with a good book, or watching a movie while it pours outside. Or best yet, I love to just lay and daydream, let my mind wander while the sound of rain on my roof and rolling thunder fills in the background. I love laying in my bed at night while the rain pounds rhythmically on my roof, the sound lulling me, soothing me, while my mind drifts. I love going to sleep to the sound of the rain.

I also love singing and dancing in the rain...but that's a whole nother story...;)

Ok, so tonight was a quiz night...I had actually done some more quizzes, but when I tried to post the results blogger ate them...that's life right :P


Analytical Trustworthy Self Assured

Your momentary sensitivity represents that which is of high quality and durable. Consequently, you like to surround yourself with little "gems," which you discover wherever they are overlooked by others.
Thus, culture plays a special role in your life. You have found your own personal style, which is elegant and exclusive, free from the whims of fashion. Your ideal, upon which you base your life, is cultured pleasure. You value a certain level of culture on the part of the people with whom you associate.
http://www.psicologi-psicoterapeuti.it/test/testpersonalita.html

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Your Existing Situation
Sensuous. Inclined to luxuriate in things which give gratification to the senses, but rejects anything tasteless, vulgar, or coarse.

Your Stress Sources
Wants to overcome a feeling of emptiness and of separation from others. Believes that life still has far more to offer and that she may miss her share of experiences if she fails to make the best use of every opportunity. She therefore pursues her objectives with a fierce intensity and commits herself deeply and readily. Feels herself to be completely competent in any field in which she engages, and can sometimes be considered by others to be interfering or meddlesome.

Your Desired Objective
Seeks success, stimulation, and a life full of experience. Wants to develop freely and to shake off the shackles of self-doubt, to win, and to live intensely. Likes contacts with others and is enthusiastic by nature. Receptive to anything new, modern, or intriguing; has many interests and wants to expand her fields of activity. Optimistic about the future.

Your Actual Problem
The fear that she might be prevented from achieving the things she wants leads her to play her part with an urgent and hectic intensity

Your Actual Problem #2
Fights against restriction or limitation, and insists on developing freely as a result of her own efforts.
http://www.colorquiz.com/

So far I am having a very good week. On monday Britt and I had our day of adventures. We made our way downtown...not without a few misadventures I might add:P That night we went to check out the Alt Dot Comedy Lounge at the Rivoli, where we saw some very funny comics. Shouts out to Alex and Gilson for their very funny sets. Overall a very good day, with lots of much needed girly talking and general catching up on life. :)

My Grampa died 10 years ago this month. And I still miss him so much. But I see a lot of him in myself, and that's somehow comforting. It doesn't make me miss him any less, but I think it's comforting because in a way it means that I can never completely lose him. He's not only in my memories and in my heart, but in me.

RIP Frank Arnott O. I love you, I miss you, forever in my heart.

Getting over being sick. I have a busy next couple of weeks. Still not feeling so hot so this quick update will have to be continued later.

First sunburn of the season, oh yeah.

I got burned during my job "interview" for daycamps, because it was mostly outside. Now I am hot and itchy, and also trying to fight off getting sick. It's been a long day, and a long week. Going to go rest and watch a movie now, so hopefully I can feel better to study tomorrow for my exam monday.

I got new high heeled boots today, and even better, I got them on sale for half-price! They're knee high, brown, and really sexy. I love 'em!

I also got checked out 3 times just on the way home from my volunteer school today, that's always nice for an ego boost. And someone thought I was a teacher at my school, that always makes me feel so good.

Now to go finish preparing for my job interview tomorrow...er today....and then off to bed.

Been a crazy busy week; helped with Spirit Walk auditions, had my first Board of Directors meeting, studying and then the actual exam, a lot of general life crap to take care of, volunteering tomorrow, then I have to prepare for job interview #1 saturday morning, study study on sunday, exam monday and tuesday, and my nana's birthday wednesday. Phew, that was a mouthful. I'm tired just from thinking about it. Early night for me, writing exams is exhausting...I think it's time for bed...

mmm homemade coffee cake how I love thee.

And with that sentence, I belive I have officially studied too much english. When words like thee start making an appearance in your everyday life you know you're a goner...I think I'm hooked on the literature.

However, the coffee cake I baked does Officially Rock. I gots me some mad bakin' skills. Word.

Going to go eat more cake now...yummers.

3 exams left, 2 job interviews, at least 2 plays, possibly a trip to tennessee, and 4 months 5 days til teachers college begins.

Well, it's been a while since I posted, and there's been a lot going on. I guess I just didn't know where to begin, I still don't know exactly how to describe how I've been feeling. I guess start from the top...

My last post told anyone reading it I finally got a letter from teachers college, and I was accepted! It's such an amazing feeling, but so hard to describe. Happiness, elation, satisfaction, joy, disbelief. I've been working so hard towards this goal, for so long, it's hard to belive I'm actually achieving it. I've been on cloud nine, the first week after I found out absolutely nothing could bring me down, not even having to write my last essay. That made it extremely difficult; it was almost impossible to focus on my last shakespeare essay when I had this fabulous news that I was going to teachers college. It was like a glow, and I floated around in it. Just the thought of where I'm going this fall is enough to make me smile. I'll be sitting on the bus or the train, or just walking along, when I remember that I'm going to teachers college and it's enough to bring a smile to my face. Just thinking about where I'm going and what I'll be doing pastes a grin on my face that won't go away, and I end up grinning like a fool in public thinking about it. But I don't care, I'm so happy that sometimes it just takes over, it's such a relief, and a joy, and just the thought of it lights up my soul. It's impossible to describe exactly how I'm feeling, unless you've gone through it/ are going through, I don't think I could communicate it exactly. But needless to say, it's been a fan-fucking-tabulous couple of weeks. Although I am starting to come down a little off my cloud nine, I still carry that joyful little thought with me everywhere I go, even typing it now makes me smile. I waited so long to hear, I think it's almost like a backlash of relief or something, and it's hard to focus or care about exams when I know I've already been accepted. I know I have to, but it's really hard when I know I'm already going to teachers college. It just made my day, my week, my month. It wa also very exciting being able to tell people that I was accepted, and everyone was really excited and suuportive of me. When I told the principal at the school whre I volunteer, who was one of my references, he was so happy for me, so was the teacher I work with. And while I was there that afternoon he came into my class with a cupcake with a candle, and a mug with some school logo paraphnalia in it for me, and told all my kids there that I had been accepted into "teacher school" and made a really nice little speech. It made me feel so good, and happy, and I blushed beet red....even though I am a drama student :P It was just so nice to have that. And all my friends and family and everyone have just been so supportive to me I am so grateful. I've been feeling awesome just about getting to go to teachers college and everyones support has made it even better, if that's possible.

Now that I've rambled about teachers college forever....sorry....but it's some of the most exciting news I've had and the best I've felt in a long time...other things have been going on too. The same week I heard from teachers college, I also heard I got a job interview end of april to work in a specialty day camp! I applied to work for the town as a councelor for either drama camp, creative arts camp, or kinder camp. So I have a really unique kind of interview coming up where I have to lead a group in activities that I plan....of course you know mine is going to be drama related. So that's good. I have also applied to another drama day camp and they seem interested, although I will have to wait to hear from them. So my job options for this summer are looking good. I would love it if I could help run drama camps, I think that would be just about the perfect summer job for me....kids+drama!

What else...I was very excited and super busy this past weekend because my cousins from tennessee came up to visit for the long Easter weekend. They arrived thursday night and just left this morning. I was so happy to see them, they rock! Although we don't get to see them as often as I'd like, they do live in the southern states after all, we are close. They're fun and crazy and I love being with them. Which brings me to more exciting news. I might be going down to Tennessee to visit them for a month this summer! That'll be super exciting if it happens. The drama camp job would actually work out really well with that plan, because it is not for all summer. So I could earn the money to go down there, and still have the time to get there. I love spending time with my cuz's so it would rock if this idea pans out. It would also mean I would get to meet my new second cousin. My cousin just had her baby in the fall,a nd none of us up here in Canada have seen the baby real life yet, only pictures. So that would be another bonus. It would just be good times in general if I got to stay in Tennessee with my coolio cousins, I will see what I can do to try and manage it. Even if I couldn't manage a whole month, I'd love to be able to visit for just a couple weekes even. So good. So yes, my cousins Aimee and Dawnie were here all weekend, we had lots of fun times, Easter dinner, shopping, eating, hugging, loads and LOADS of massaging (I have the magic fingers...my cousin is married to a chiropractor and she and he run a business and she says I'm better than the massage therapist:) )

This morning I wrote my first exam, Shakespeare, at 9 am. It was early and shakespeare....what else can I say about it. AND I was late because my dad was driving my cousins to the airport after he dropped me at school, and they made me a little late to my exam...but I forgive them...cuz they're not here very often :P Now only 4 more exams to go *sigh* but even that I can get through, I have so many positive things going on in my life right now that they balance the evilness of exams, even early morning exams. I think that's about it, all I can think of right now anyways. Overall, I have been having Very Good Times lately. Life is good.

I knew that I was going to cry when I got my York letter, I just didn't know whether they would be tears of joy or tears of grief.

Well I finally got my York letter today.

They were tears of joy. I got my acceptance letter and I'm going to teachers college this fall!!!!!!! I'm going to be a teacher! I've waited for so long for this, and now it's finally happening, I got in! I am now officially a teacher candidate, in my first choice of schools for it!

I am so happy and excited and relieved, I can't even really begin to describe it all.

This has been one of the best days I've had in a long time.

The Countdown is over. Teachers College Admission letters are being mailed out today. And so the waiting game begins again...

So much work to do, and so little time. Taking a little break from writing one of the many essays due this coming week. My back and teeth were bothering me, so I had to get up and take a little break...which consisited of coming to my computer :P The stress of waiting to hear from teachers college has been getting worse and worse as the date comes closer. It's a stressful time of year anyway, what with school drawing to a close and so many things being due, but the EXTRA stress about teachers college has a gillionafied it approximately. Practically everyday this past week I have had a mini break down, sometimes stressing about TC, sometimes about other things. Stress really can play havoc with your emotions, and if I hadn't know that before, this year would sure as hell have shown me. Things that normally would just make me sad, or maybe make my eyes water, have been making me flat out cry my eyes out, like sad tv commercials or radio ads. It's all just so much, and there has to be an emotional release somehow I guess. It's just a lot to take, but Monday the admission letters go out...so soon I will know one way or another what I will be doing with at least the next year of my life...*fingers crossed*

I voted today in the By Election YaY! Very exciting. Even though when I presented my voting card I was not on the list. They lost me...or as the woman put it, I was missing in action. Even though I have voted before. Well, eventually they found me....not the same people...I had to go to the 'help' desk, and that woman actually knew what to do. Turns out the first woman was looking for my name under one of my middle names...even though my mother...who has the exact same last name as me....had just voted before me at the exact same station...duh! Some people are just naturally a little slow I guess...Anyways thats my election story, and I'm stickin to it:P

Hoo-Ray for Voting!

Election days Rock!

Proud to be a Votin' Canadian!

I never want to let my age define who I am. I don't want it to limit how I act, how I dress, or who I'm friends with, what I want to do or what I think I can do. Sometimes other people define who I am by it, but I hope that I never fall into that trap and do that to myself. My age is only one part of who I am, only one small facet of what makes up my personality, I recognize it's not who I am, but only one part of it. And in knowing this, I try not to judge other people by their ages, not to define who I think they are or what they are capable of doing, just by how many years old they are. I try to just take it as part of who they are, and I hope that I am able to break through some peoples preconceptions of me by my age, by showing how capable and talented I am through what I do and how I choose to act. You know how there are some people who will brush you off, or treat you differently because you're younger....with the idea in their mind that you can plainly see in their attitude, 'oh, she's just 22'. Well, I know some people like that, and I'm not going to let them define who I am, I can show who I am by just being me and letting them see that.

I am so lame sometimes I just have to laugh. Well, maybe that's not really being fair to myself, but I certainly am an emotional wreck from all the stress I've been under lately.

Example.
This morning I was getting ready to go the school I volunteer at Friday afternoons, and as usual I was running late. So I was hurredly brushing my teeth, and upon suddenly looking closer, I realized to my shock HOW much the spaces in my upper teeth have actually closed in from the braces. I was so happy, I just started to cry. It was ridiculous, here I am, running late, brushing me teeth, crying in the bathroom. I was just so happy, and relieved, and kind of in shock I guess that it is actually working. It's been six monthes this month since I got the upper braces on, and it seems like both such a long/and short time. It's a really frustrating process because I can't really see the gradual process in my teeth myself. But you know, it's like every once in a while I'll look closely and be amazed by what I see. I have been really self conscious about my teeth for so long, and the braces have seemed to been on for so long already, it just seemed like one of those things that will never happen. Like I know eventually I will have nice straight teeth, but I can't really imagine it. And seeing, REALLY realizing that the spaces where I had teeth removed is at LEAST, if not more, than half of what was there originally after the extractions, just really hit me. On one hand, I felt so happy, on the other hand ridiculous because I was crying in my bathroom over the fact that my teeth had moved. It just really got to me, it's like it's actually happening. And I have been self conscious about my teeth for so long, the fact that the braces are actually working, that I can see it starting to happen, just overwhelmed me with joy and shock and relief and I don't know what else. Even now it's bringing tears to my eyes because I'm so happy, and thankful. And maybe that sounds ridiculous, but I am an emotional person, what can I say, my emotions often run away without my consent. However this constant waiting to hear from teachers college (10 days til admission letters are mailed....I mean 9 now!) is just really stressing me out so much, and making me feel like an emotional trainwreck right now. I know, this too shall pass...but in the meantime I think the stress is making me overemotional and sensitive. However that's my little sharing piece for the day, it might not mean much to anyone else, but it was kind of like my little epiphany for the day, and maybe it will give some hope to someone else reading this and suffering through braces. :)

Know what?

I am now officially on the Backwoods Board of Directors, I have been offered a new babysitting job, I have a new pretty necklace my brother brought me from Spain, and I have lots of chocolate (some of it is even from europe oooohhhh:P).

I am having a very good day :)

York Interview is done, and now only a few weeks to go until I know what I will be doing this fall...

And so the countdown begins...

HAPPY ST.PATRICK'S DAY!

It's the wearin' o' the green day, and I definately will be wearing plenty of it. Very proud to be a Canadian with Irish heritage, from both sides of my family. With a name like mine, how can I help but celebrate? :P hehehe Hope everyone has a great St.Paddy's Day, and remember.....Go IRISH!

P.S. going to go put green food dye in my hair now :)

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Update: Very disgruntled. Someone used up all the green food dye, and didn't get more, so I had none for my hair.

This is freaky...apparently I act exactly my age? NOT! I took another quiz and it told me my inner child was six...but here is this quiz result anyways...

You Are 22 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

and more quizs to procrastinate...even though I should be doing other things....

Your Inner Child Is Angry

You're not an angry person.But when you don't get your way, watch out.Like a very manipulative kid, you will get what you want.Even if it takes a little kicking and screaming.

How Is Your Inner Child?

Ok much as I hate to admit it, this one is kind of true...:P angry inner child :P

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul.You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful.In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Your Seduction Style: The Coquette

You are a pro at playing the age old game of hard to get. Your flirting style runs hot and cold, giving just enough to keep them chasing you. Independent and self-sufficient, you don't need any one person to make you compelte. And that independence is exactly what makes people pursue you.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

Your Pimp Name Is...

Peachy Tease

What's" Your Pimp Name?

Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman

Inside you've got the passion and ideals of a teenagerAnd your intensity for life is what attracts most of the men you dateYou also like to party - and quite often you're the life of the partyYou've brought the best of your younger years with you... at least most of the time.

Are You A Girl Or a Woman?

You are Bettie Page

Girl next door with a wild streakYou're a famous beauty - with unique lookAnd the people like you are cultish about it

What Famous Pinup Are You?

I GOT MY INTERVIEW LETTER FOR YORK! YES!! FINALLY!!!
That just made my day yesterday. After monthes of anxiously waiting, once I had given up checking my mailbox everyday, my letter giving me an interview date for york's teacher's college program finally came. I am so glad, and so relieved that I at least got an interview...that means they are actually considering me! The interview is schedueled for Thursday though, which is really freaking soon! Less than a week to prepare! So I am already anxiously plotting what I am going to say, and wear, and how to wear my hair...:P Hey that stuff is important too, haven't you ever watched What Not To Wear? However my interview also got schedueled during a really busy week for me schoolwise; on top of interview stress prep I also have to do two short (2-3 pg) english assignments, a 10 pg essay, prepare a seminar presentation to run by my prof by Wednesday, and I have another whopper of an essay which I am supposed to have started by now, but haven't...who has the time? Oh yes, and I am supposed to have another essay proposal done but it's not technically worth marks, and I am just going to ignore that one for now...and that's not including the readings I am supposed to have done for this week such as history chapters, 2 or 3 plays, and a novel...
So already I am crazy stressed out about the week to come. But I am going to focus and try and cut at least 2 of those assignments off my list tonight. I will have all the assignments done (hopefully) by the end of this week-end, or Monday at the latest, so I can focus on my seminar presentaion and teachers college interview. Oh and on top of everything else, I am trying to find a summer job, filling out applications and such. So I'm feeling a *lil* stressed and crazied out, but I just gotta focus and get it all done. Although my interview came at such a crazy busy time, I am so glad to have it that I am beating back my natural procrastination skills and tryingto put my weekend to good use. It's the only way I'm not going to give myself a stress related ulcer/ or anxiety attack by the end of next week I think :P
All the busy things need to be done early in the week, so at least I have the comfort of knowing I will be done this batch of busy time after Thursday, and be able to enjoy next weekend a little...there are people I want to hang out with!

There are two things in my life that you don't fuck with; my family, and my acting. Anyone who really knows me know this, and yet various people have messed around with one, or the other, or sometimes even both at once. I'm a pretty open person and I'd say most people know that those are two aspects of my life that are tremendously important to me, and that I am very protective of. I am far liklier to forgive someone who has done something to me, than to someone in my family. While I can get over things done to me, I am far less likely to forgive someone for hurting my family; that is one of the few areas I definately hold a grudge in. I may sound like a gangster here, but I do have that mentality of 'you mess with my family, you mess with me'. I could understand someone who didn't know me not knowing how I would react to those areas of my life being threatened, I wouldn't condone it, but I could understand it. However, what baffles me is the people who know me not getting that; people who I have spent considerable amounts of time with in the past, not understanding how I would react, how I would take offense to those areas of my life being threatened or messed with. I don't understand it, and I don't think I ever will, but I guess that's just life.

There is SO going to be Elvis music played at my wedding.

You know what's creepy?
It's creepy when you're on a school field trip, bowling with a bunch of little kids in the middle of the afternoon, and old men check you out.
Very Creepy.

Stupid Fucking Braces.
End of post.

In intense and incredible physical pain. Yesterday was a complete write off of a day, and today pretty much too. Yesterday I got my bottom wire put on, and the elastics on my top braces changed. I was expecting so much pain, because I've already had the top ones on for a while. Well my god it was terrible, worse than the first time I even got them on. I hurt so much that the 2 advils I took didn't even dull the pain, didn't even take the edge off. So basically, all I did yesterday was take 2 advils every four hours, wrap myself in a blanket and lay around watching tv, not eating. I kept taking the advil, even though it didn't seem to be doing anything....maybe it would have made my head explode if I hadn't taken it though. I do not rememebr the last time I was in pain like that; imagine having a really bad toothache, one that goes right down from the roots of your tooth to the tips, and then imagine having that in every single tooth, and multiply that by about a thousand....thouse million maybe...and you get an idea of what I was feeling. I was expecting the bottom wire to be more managable pain since I had already experienced the trauma of the top barces wire going on, and so knew what to expect. But no no....a dreadful, horrible experience, which pains not only my mouth but this week down my jaw, chin, and right up into my ears. At least the advil dulled the pain a little bit today, but I just want it to go away. Hardly ate anything today either....this is why I'm losing weight. This has been a very bad week so far. And I have to go teach drama to grade 7's today, with a very pain filled mouth...having to be loud (it hurts my mouth to talk loudly) and patient when I'm in pain....this'll be fun...:(

I broke myself again. I was being industrius and sorting, and tidying a whole bunch of crap that has been piling up for a while, and I told myself I would do over reading week. So it was going good and I was pretty pleased with myself. There was a humoungous pile of papers for recycling and a lovely absence of huge piles of papers, I just had some sorted piles I had to put away. So I opened up the first drawer of my file cabinet, and nothing more would fit. I opened up the 2nd drawer to see what was in it (leaving the 1st drawer open, bc I have some clothes hung up on the handle of the 1st drawer and I can't open the lower drawers without having it open first). Discovering that someone else had appropriated what little space was left in it, I then opened the 3rd drawer, and just had enough time to jump back out of the way as my entire 4 cabinet file cabinet came crashing down. It made a very loud, very bad noise...it's a pretty good sized sucker. Of course though it wasn't just the cabinet that was crashed over, drawers laying crookedly open, my TV had also fallen off the top of it, knocking a good sized gouge out of my bookshelf, as I was to discover. It also knocked some trinkets on my bookshelf around, and broke the edge of one of my favourite candle holders. As I kept checking for damage I discovered it had also knocked down my curio cabinet off the wall as it smashed down. I was horrifed, I have a lot of little things I value in it, and it has a glass front, and if they haad all broke I think that would have upset me most of anything. Well, f the tv/file cabinet did knock the display (curio) case off the wall, but fortunately as it did it ripped a piece of wood off the edge, releasing the glass front so that it hadn't shattered. The case is missing a chunk, but the glass and almost all the things inside are ok. only one unicorn broke his leg :( And my TV is now a little worse for the wear, having left some black marks on my bookcase, but it's apparently tougher than it looks because we plugged it back in and it still works fine! However, 2 of my file cabinet drawers are now whacked out, they don't fit properly anymore; my dad is away for the week end and I am hoping once he gets back he will be able to fix them. This is what I get for trying to tidy things I guess huh...well, despite the bad things that happened, they could have been a lot worse, so I am glad they weren't. I'm really tensed up now though, it was startling and jarring to the nerves. As well, I mentioned I am broken again. I don't know whether I hurt myself jumping back out of the way of the falling obstacles, or when I lifted that huge HEAVY bugger back up (even with the help of my mum), or from a combination of both, but I am injured. Right after we got the cabinet back up I ould feel I had strained my back a little. But I think my left side is out, because my left ankle and knee feel very poorly, as does my left wrist, and they are tingling like when your foot goes to sleep...which means there's a nerve pressing somewhere obviously. Why is it I always have to hurt myself on the weekend when there is no where open to fix me? They don't have emergency chiropractors unfortunately, nor emergency massage therapists, and I can tell I need to go to both. This day was going so well and now it's turned to crap. I hate being broken and it always happens on the weekend...

Valentine's Day.
It's like someone with a really perverse sense of humour said, hey, let's make a holiday that will make all the single people feel really alone and really depressed...what a great idea! Thanks a lot...

If you're part of a couple I think it can be really nice. I'm not all about the commercialization of Valentine's day, but you can show your affection for your partner without forking out a load of cash.

However, for those of us not in a relationship, it can be pretty depressing. It might not be so much, if it was not so over the top advertised like everywhere; stores, school, tv....what have you.

But it's like, for me, everywhere I go, not only on Valentine's day but over the week before as well, there are constant reminders that I am going to be alone on this day of couples. The commercials about the chocolate, the Constant jewellry ads, just every where I look or go. It feels unfair to constantly shove these things in everyones faces, it's annoying. Like I said, I'm not downing on people celebrating being together, it's just this over advertised, over commercialized part of it that annoys and depresses me. If I was with someone on Valentines day I would happily celebrate it, but I don't see the need to commercialize it to the extent that it alienates and depresses most of the single population out there.

I think, no wait I KNOW, I'm going to be indulging in a lot of chocolate, a little self pity at least, and sappy, mushy movies that'll make me cry like a big baby tomorrow night.

I don't want to be depressed, and I try not to be, but I know I will be. So, I'll make sure I'm stocked up on chocolate and kleenex for tomorrow, and I'll get through it. *sigh* I'm such a girly girl sometimes.

You know what's sad about Reading Week? I'm actually going to be reading...I have a paper due on the first day back to school, amoung other things.
But, I'm sure I'll find at least a *little* time to have fun too though :P

My Alan Alda goals;

1. To watch all his movies/TV shows/productions
2. To see him act live
3. To meet him
4. To act with him

I am currently working on the first one, watching all Alan Alda movies/TV shows, and once I accomplish number 2, seeing him act live, I am pretty sure I can get number 3 done, meeting him, at the same time. Number 4, I can only hope...I think for that one I may have to wait a little while, but I can keep working on my acting career and hope one day to accomplish it.

Brunette brunette brunette brunette. Do you know I don't miss being a blonde? Only problem is that my headshots are blonde and now don't match my current state of head-colourness...hmmm...well, I hope people aren't too surprised if I send out blonde pics and then show up at the audition brunette! Not much I can do about it...so I will laugh about it instead. :P

A question I have been asking myself -
is it bad that I hope he gets hurt like he hurt me?

I think that's a horrible thing to wish on anyone. On the surface I tell myself I don't want that, but deep down I think I actually do. Then I think about it and how terrible being hurt like that is, and I don't want to wish that on anyone.

I really don't know sometimes, and sometimes...often...my head and heart tell me two different things. Life is so confusing.

The Canadian Flag is Red.
The Liberals are Red.
It's a Sad, Sad day when our flag turns blue.

I watched the election coverage all night, yelling at my TV, hoping.
But the Conservatives won. I am very sad. :(

I VOTED! I was so excited all day today that I was going to vote, anytime anyone mentioned the election I was like YAY I get to vote! So ok, I'm a nerd...whatcha gonna do about it? :P Now to watch the polls roll in tonight...*fingers crossed*

An example of how I have changed since I started university.

In first year when I was looking over the English courses I read the course description for Bible and Literature. I laughed my ass off, mocked it considerably, wondered why anyone would take it who was not religious, and said, yeah That's a course I'll never be taking...

This semester I am taking Bible and Literature II.

Never thought I'd see the day. But I needed a course, and the more I learned at University, particularily about the huge amount of biblical allusions, and the connections between a religious based society and literature, the more sense this course made to me.

From 1st year to 4th year...grown up a little more now...and not mocking the course.

I will however still mock the fact that I have to BUY a bible for school...there is only so much a person can change after all:P

After approximately a year and a half of being blonde, it feels good to be a brunette again.