Realizations for the day...

I was looking at my blog profile, and I just realized I have been blogging it up for over three years. I have kept this sucker up for three years running...that's a pretty long time...who woulda thunk it three years ago that I'd still be writing in this thing today...

I was just doing some tidying, and going over some papers in my room, and I had some papers to add to my journal. So I sat down and took a glance over it, and I found my List of things to do. Well I guess I haven't taken a good look at it for a little while, because much to my delight I was able to check something off, and then as I kept reading to my greater surprise I was able to check off a second activity. Those two things I wanted to do I will not share here, they are rather personal and kind of involved with something that is still going on in my life...however, happily I was able to check off THREE more things on my list that I will share here; cook an entire dinner (from scratch including dessert and everything, and I'm not talking scrambled eggs here people), get into teachers college, and stage manage a play. These are all things which I have relatively recently achieved, but it didn't occur to me to check them off on my little list. Now you may laugh at the fact that I actually have a list written down of things that i want to do, but it makes me happy and I like it so I don't care. On total, I was able to cross off FIVE things on my List Of Things To Do...a very successful and pleasing event which came about because I was being industrius and cleaning, yay me!

HAPPY CANADA DAY!

Proud to be a Canadian girl, and ready to celebrate it!

I went to see Theory of a Deadman live at LeScratch on wednesday. They were so fucking amazing! Excuse the language, but there really is no other way to describe it. They put on a fantastic performance, they really know how to put on a show. They were very crowd friendly and interactive, and I absolutely loved it. There are a lot of bands that just don't sound as good live as on CD, Theory is not one of them...they sounded just like their music does, only better! I love their music, and they played all of my favourite songs that I hoped they would. Plus, the lead singer is totally HOT. Guys with tatoos and mohawks are not what I would usually consider to be my type, but he looks so hot with that mohawk...he's just a really good looking guy overall, and damn can that man sing...
I had such a fantastically amazing time. We were only like 10 feet from the stage, and even though it was quite crowded, I had an amazing view. By the time we left my voice was hoarse from singing along and shouting out, but it was SO worth it! As soon as they are back in the area, I will be back at their next concert. I had so much fun and they totally ROCKED the show! WooT!

Sometimes I think I live too much inside my head.

I won't say I don't have any regrets, because I don't think that would be true. But I would rather regret the things I've done and chances I've taken, than regret the things I didn't do. I don't want to be the what-if girl.

Fear is a powerful motivator. It can run your life, take over your mind, and decide the things you will and won't do. Fear can be a good thing, it can protect you, but it can also hold you back. The fear of getting hit by a car is what makes you look both ways before crossing the street. The fear of rejection, and having your heart broken is what stops some people from opening up to others. I made the conscious decision awhile ago that I wasn't going to let fear rule my life. I didn't want to let my insecurities stop me from achieving potentially great things. And I have done some absolutely terrifying things in the past few years that I never would have thought possible of myself when I was younger. I've opened up my heart and taken chances not only on love, but on friendships. I've taken chances on school, on acting, on jobs, on people, and on myself. One of the most terrifying things I've done was my interview for teachers college. I was honestly scared shitless. My knees were knocking, my hands were shaking, I was lightheaded, I was was worried that I might pass out. The interview made it real, made part of the future that I had on the line in my face and potentially in my grasp, or possibly just out of reach. There was so much riding on that interview, that I can't even describe how scared I was. But despite the fact that my legs were shaking and I thought I might faint, I went through with that interview. And I got in, I was accepted. If I had let my fear keep me at home away from that interview, I never would have known. I never would have achieved it. There have been a number of other things I have done in the past few years that i was very nervous and fearful about, but I didn't let that fear stop me from doing or trying to do what I wanted to. And I am very proud of that fact. It isn't always easy for me to put myself out there like that, I have my insecurities, and even though I am a "drama kid" I still have my shy moments. But the fact that I can put myself out there, take chances and go after the oppourtunities that I want, makes me very proud of myself, and the strength of character that I feel, perhaps that I have always had in me, has grown and allowed me to put myself out there into the world in a way that I wasn't comfortable or able to do before.

I made a decision awhile ago that I didn't want to look back and have lived a what-if life. And I'm very happy with the fact that I am pushing my own boundries and taking risks, and that I make my decisions on what I want and not on what I fear.

I was talking about this with a friend of mine, and she was of a similar opinion. I know a lot of people who are looking to settle down, or who have settled down already. I have friends who are married and have kids already, or who are actively looking for that. And I feel like some people expect that of me...but I'm only 22. I'm 22 going on 23, and I feel like I'm just really starting out on my life now, my professional life anyways. There are so many things I want to do before I get married and have kids; I have career ambitions, huge ones, there are places I want to visit, things I want to do, so many things I want to live and experience before "settling down". Things that I know are unlikely, or at least much more difficult for me to be able to do once I have kids. Don't get me wrong, I do eventually want to get married, and create a home, and have kids, I love kids and family is very important to me, but it's not something I want to do right now. I can see it in my future, but not for awhile. Now, all that being said, it doesn't mean I'm not interested in dating, because I am. I want to date and have fun, have someone interesting to talk to and spend time with. It would be nice to have someone. But that doesn't mean I'm looking for someone who wants marriage, or a intense commited relationship right now. I want to date, and have fun, enjoy myself and the company of interesting people. And if that should develop into something more serious eventually, that's fine. But I'm young, and I feel like I have time before that, time in which I want to cram a lot of life. On top of all that, I'm busy. I feel like I'm in a really good place in my life right now, and I'm really happy with where it's going. But it's busy. Not only do I have school right now, but I volunteer. I am involved with 3 different plays this summer, and I'm job interviewing and actively searching for work. I'm going to teachers college this fall, and I'm working on my acting career. I have braces and allergies. I have family and friends. I have readings to do and rehearsal prep, friend crisis' and family members to worry about. In general, I have a busy life. I realize many people have busy lives, I guess I'm just trying to show that I'm not looking for a relationship with someone that will dominate the bulk of my time, or that will take over my life. I want to date, and have fun, and just enjoy myself. I don't want to get married anytime soon, I just want to enjoy and experience life as I face its challenges right now.

I hate when I'm so tired I fall asleep and take an unexpected nap on the couch after dinner. Which is exactly what happened tonight...I was definately on the short end of sleep from last night, and I had an unplanned nap from like 8 to 10 something. Now, if I could wake up and feel better, or wake up and just go to bed that would be fine. Unfortunately I always wake up feeling like crap, it's just enough sleep that I am now too awake to go to bed for the night, but not enough that I feel rested. Consequently, right now I feel kind of like someone decided to walk all over me while I was napping.

Anyways, other news besides the fact that I don't like unexpected after dinner naps...only two more weeks of summer school left. My prof is going to hand out our last essay assignment this thursday, so guess what I'll be working on this weekend...
I am a little worse for the sunburn that I got today walking to or from class, but I'd rather have the sunshine than rain anyday when I have to be out walking.

Rehearsals are coming along for the murder mystery I am producer for, although I am struggling to collect all the bio's for the program. I don't know why it is always such a horrible fight to get bio's from actors, you'd think they'd WANT to promote their skills or experience...Anyways after friday, the absolute deadline, I won't have to worry about that any longer. Went to the first Spirit Walk meeting this past saturday...again with the 10 AM meetings...but on the upside for having to get up early, I got to go for breakfast with Mala and Heather afterwards. That was nice, since I haven't seen Mala in practicallly forever. A good girls out breakfast time.

Last Tuesday was my parents 25th wedding anniversary. What I was very proud of myself for the week was that I cooked an entire dinner for everyone, including dessert, and fresh biscuits and everything! Anyone who knows me well knows that cooking isn't one of my favourite or most skilled areas, so I was very proud of myself.

25 years is a long time to be together. I hope that one day I can find someone that I want to spend that long with, that I want to spend my life with.

What Classic Pin-Up Are You?

You're" Lili St. Cyr!

Bathroom grafiti quote of the day: "you are more important than you think"

Even though it was scrawled in the bathroom at my school, I thought it was really nice. It wasn't the usual stupid, often racist stuff...and I like it because it strikes very true I think.

I saw a women smoking while she was riding her bike today...doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose? Arguable I guess, because maybe she wasn't riding for exercise but just for the transportation...either way, I just find it very odd...

Went for another job interview on wednesday for a theatre day camp counselor job.

I handed in the first of 2 essays for my summer course today. One down...one to go.

Tomorrow I am going to work with my childrens at my volunteer school again. The school year is almost over, and I will no longer see them soon which makes me sad, I have grown very attached. Although it is possible I could one day be teaching them myself... :)

No saturday morning rehearsal this week, I get to sleep in yay! But next sat. I have to be up at the village again for a 10am Spirit Walk meeting. At least I get a saturday between to sleep late...

And that's my life as of late briefly...

Even though I have my ups and downs, I feel like my life is in a very good place right now, and I'm happy with where I'm going.

"Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely." I feel that this statement speaks volumes.

Later today I have the first meeting for this years Settlers at Sunset series. Last year the performance had to be cancelled due to construction onsight, so I am very happy to welcome Lavinia (my character) and all my duffins creek family back to my life. This is one of my favourite plays to perform, it's always a ton of fun, with very little rehearsal time. I love this combination of scripted and improv performance, it's something I feel I do quite well. When performance time rolls around I will be very happy to be Lavinia once again.

It was my brother's 18th birthday on thursday. Wait, that can't be...didn't I just turn 18? Even though I'm 22 going on 23 I can vividly remember turning 18 myself, it doesn't feel that long ago. And although it doesn't make me feel old exactly, it just seems a little odd because it seems like such a short time ago I was 18. So anyways, I now have an 18 year old brother. Happy Birthday little spoon! (family joke) We had a very nice family dinner and cake and presents and everything on his actual birthday. It was nice and I took lots of pictures.

I also had another board of directors meeting this week, and this evening I spent a chunk of time on this computer sending out approximately some 40 or 50 some emails for Spirit Walk. I'm Stage Manager again this year, but that meant I had to sent out confirmations about what parts everyone is playing, and reminders about our first meeting.

School is coming along. I like my prof, he's interesting and has quite a sharp little sense of humour about him. Plus, he never lectures the entire 3 hour class so I get out early; this is good, because after 2 hours my brain is ready to be out of there, and it means I can catch an earlier less busy Go Train.

I worked with my little childrens today. Well, technically I did a lot of helping count up and fill out forms for the fundraising that they had been doing. But I got to see my kids anyways, and I got hugs. They're so cute.

Anyways, I should go TRY and get to sleep, since I have to get up early and be at the village for my 10 am meeting...

Up until Wednesday I was having a very good week. Then I went to the orthadontist...that pretty much put me out of commision, and now I am having serious allergy problems. Well, those two things combined prety much took care of the rest of my week. Sigh. Hope this next week will be better, I will think positively...many things to do and people to see next week, so I am sure it will be a much better week. Now, I must go finish my laundrey while the washing machine is free...

I have job interview # 2 tomorrow, and summer school starts. I am taking a break from trying to figure out how to make my computer print the stupid map I need...right now it only wants to print part of it, and the part that I don't actually need. Frustrating...

haha YAY! I took a little break and my brother finally got the map I need to print yay! Otherwise I was going to have to draw myself a little map...so this is progress. So now I have my map, my go pass...paper, pens...me...I can't really think of anything else I can get ready tonight. I will have to pack some food, but I will do that tomorrow.

I went to the dentist for a cleaning tonight, and I have to go to the orthadontist wednesday...boo. But other than that, I am looking forward to the coming long weekend. I am going to be painting our bathroom, which has gotten a little faded over the years, so hopefully we'll be going to get the paint and stuff this weekend.

oh and I bought a really cute new little red netty tank top tonight. It's a perfect top to go out dancing in...I want to go dancing soon. Spring is here, summer will be here soon YaY!

Now, off to prepare for my job interview...and St.George campus, here I come...

I just love listening to the rain. I think it can be one of the most comforting, soothing sounds around, yet it can also be very exciting and electric.

I love watching the rain pour down outside through my window, there's something fascinating about it. Or better yet, I love to watch it out an open door. Rain can be so soft and nourishing, yet dangerous and destructive other times. I love the feeling of standing outside just before it's going to rain; the tension and almost electricity that builds, the thunder or looming silence that happens just before a storm hits. There's such a feeling of power, of danger, of life.

I love to curl up with a warm blanket and listen to the sound of the thunder and rain. There's nothing nicer on a rainy day then curling up with a good book, or watching a movie while it pours outside. Or best yet, I love to just lay and daydream, let my mind wander while the sound of rain on my roof and rolling thunder fills in the background. I love laying in my bed at night while the rain pounds rhythmically on my roof, the sound lulling me, soothing me, while my mind drifts. I love going to sleep to the sound of the rain.

I also love singing and dancing in the rain...but that's a whole nother story...;)

Ok, so tonight was a quiz night...I had actually done some more quizzes, but when I tried to post the results blogger ate them...that's life right :P


Analytical Trustworthy Self Assured

Your momentary sensitivity represents that which is of high quality and durable. Consequently, you like to surround yourself with little "gems," which you discover wherever they are overlooked by others.
Thus, culture plays a special role in your life. You have found your own personal style, which is elegant and exclusive, free from the whims of fashion. Your ideal, upon which you base your life, is cultured pleasure. You value a certain level of culture on the part of the people with whom you associate.
http://www.psicologi-psicoterapeuti.it/test/testpersonalita.html

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Your Existing Situation
Sensuous. Inclined to luxuriate in things which give gratification to the senses, but rejects anything tasteless, vulgar, or coarse.

Your Stress Sources
Wants to overcome a feeling of emptiness and of separation from others. Believes that life still has far more to offer and that she may miss her share of experiences if she fails to make the best use of every opportunity. She therefore pursues her objectives with a fierce intensity and commits herself deeply and readily. Feels herself to be completely competent in any field in which she engages, and can sometimes be considered by others to be interfering or meddlesome.

Your Desired Objective
Seeks success, stimulation, and a life full of experience. Wants to develop freely and to shake off the shackles of self-doubt, to win, and to live intensely. Likes contacts with others and is enthusiastic by nature. Receptive to anything new, modern, or intriguing; has many interests and wants to expand her fields of activity. Optimistic about the future.

Your Actual Problem
The fear that she might be prevented from achieving the things she wants leads her to play her part with an urgent and hectic intensity

Your Actual Problem #2
Fights against restriction or limitation, and insists on developing freely as a result of her own efforts.
http://www.colorquiz.com/

So far I am having a very good week. On monday Britt and I had our day of adventures. We made our way downtown...not without a few misadventures I might add:P That night we went to check out the Alt Dot Comedy Lounge at the Rivoli, where we saw some very funny comics. Shouts out to Alex and Gilson for their very funny sets. Overall a very good day, with lots of much needed girly talking and general catching up on life. :)

My Grampa died 10 years ago this month. And I still miss him so much. But I see a lot of him in myself, and that's somehow comforting. It doesn't make me miss him any less, but I think it's comforting because in a way it means that I can never completely lose him. He's not only in my memories and in my heart, but in me.

RIP Frank Arnott O. I love you, I miss you, forever in my heart.

Getting over being sick. I have a busy next couple of weeks. Still not feeling so hot so this quick update will have to be continued later.

First sunburn of the season, oh yeah.

I got burned during my job "interview" for daycamps, because it was mostly outside. Now I am hot and itchy, and also trying to fight off getting sick. It's been a long day, and a long week. Going to go rest and watch a movie now, so hopefully I can feel better to study tomorrow for my exam monday.

I got new high heeled boots today, and even better, I got them on sale for half-price! They're knee high, brown, and really sexy. I love 'em!

I also got checked out 3 times just on the way home from my volunteer school today, that's always nice for an ego boost. And someone thought I was a teacher at my school, that always makes me feel so good.

Now to go finish preparing for my job interview tomorrow...er today....and then off to bed.

Been a crazy busy week; helped with Spirit Walk auditions, had my first Board of Directors meeting, studying and then the actual exam, a lot of general life crap to take care of, volunteering tomorrow, then I have to prepare for job interview #1 saturday morning, study study on sunday, exam monday and tuesday, and my nana's birthday wednesday. Phew, that was a mouthful. I'm tired just from thinking about it. Early night for me, writing exams is exhausting...I think it's time for bed...

mmm homemade coffee cake how I love thee.

And with that sentence, I belive I have officially studied too much english. When words like thee start making an appearance in your everyday life you know you're a goner...I think I'm hooked on the literature.

However, the coffee cake I baked does Officially Rock. I gots me some mad bakin' skills. Word.

Going to go eat more cake now...yummers.

3 exams left, 2 job interviews, at least 2 plays, possibly a trip to tennessee, and 4 months 5 days til teachers college begins.

Well, it's been a while since I posted, and there's been a lot going on. I guess I just didn't know where to begin, I still don't know exactly how to describe how I've been feeling. I guess start from the top...

My last post told anyone reading it I finally got a letter from teachers college, and I was accepted! It's such an amazing feeling, but so hard to describe. Happiness, elation, satisfaction, joy, disbelief. I've been working so hard towards this goal, for so long, it's hard to belive I'm actually achieving it. I've been on cloud nine, the first week after I found out absolutely nothing could bring me down, not even having to write my last essay. That made it extremely difficult; it was almost impossible to focus on my last shakespeare essay when I had this fabulous news that I was going to teachers college. It was like a glow, and I floated around in it. Just the thought of where I'm going this fall is enough to make me smile. I'll be sitting on the bus or the train, or just walking along, when I remember that I'm going to teachers college and it's enough to bring a smile to my face. Just thinking about where I'm going and what I'll be doing pastes a grin on my face that won't go away, and I end up grinning like a fool in public thinking about it. But I don't care, I'm so happy that sometimes it just takes over, it's such a relief, and a joy, and just the thought of it lights up my soul. It's impossible to describe exactly how I'm feeling, unless you've gone through it/ are going through, I don't think I could communicate it exactly. But needless to say, it's been a fan-fucking-tabulous couple of weeks. Although I am starting to come down a little off my cloud nine, I still carry that joyful little thought with me everywhere I go, even typing it now makes me smile. I waited so long to hear, I think it's almost like a backlash of relief or something, and it's hard to focus or care about exams when I know I've already been accepted. I know I have to, but it's really hard when I know I'm already going to teachers college. It just made my day, my week, my month. It wa also very exciting being able to tell people that I was accepted, and everyone was really excited and suuportive of me. When I told the principal at the school whre I volunteer, who was one of my references, he was so happy for me, so was the teacher I work with. And while I was there that afternoon he came into my class with a cupcake with a candle, and a mug with some school logo paraphnalia in it for me, and told all my kids there that I had been accepted into "teacher school" and made a really nice little speech. It made me feel so good, and happy, and I blushed beet red....even though I am a drama student :P It was just so nice to have that. And all my friends and family and everyone have just been so supportive to me I am so grateful. I've been feeling awesome just about getting to go to teachers college and everyones support has made it even better, if that's possible.

Now that I've rambled about teachers college forever....sorry....but it's some of the most exciting news I've had and the best I've felt in a long time...other things have been going on too. The same week I heard from teachers college, I also heard I got a job interview end of april to work in a specialty day camp! I applied to work for the town as a councelor for either drama camp, creative arts camp, or kinder camp. So I have a really unique kind of interview coming up where I have to lead a group in activities that I plan....of course you know mine is going to be drama related. So that's good. I have also applied to another drama day camp and they seem interested, although I will have to wait to hear from them. So my job options for this summer are looking good. I would love it if I could help run drama camps, I think that would be just about the perfect summer job for me....kids+drama!

What else...I was very excited and super busy this past weekend because my cousins from tennessee came up to visit for the long Easter weekend. They arrived thursday night and just left this morning. I was so happy to see them, they rock! Although we don't get to see them as often as I'd like, they do live in the southern states after all, we are close. They're fun and crazy and I love being with them. Which brings me to more exciting news. I might be going down to Tennessee to visit them for a month this summer! That'll be super exciting if it happens. The drama camp job would actually work out really well with that plan, because it is not for all summer. So I could earn the money to go down there, and still have the time to get there. I love spending time with my cuz's so it would rock if this idea pans out. It would also mean I would get to meet my new second cousin. My cousin just had her baby in the fall,a nd none of us up here in Canada have seen the baby real life yet, only pictures. So that would be another bonus. It would just be good times in general if I got to stay in Tennessee with my coolio cousins, I will see what I can do to try and manage it. Even if I couldn't manage a whole month, I'd love to be able to visit for just a couple weekes even. So good. So yes, my cousins Aimee and Dawnie were here all weekend, we had lots of fun times, Easter dinner, shopping, eating, hugging, loads and LOADS of massaging (I have the magic fingers...my cousin is married to a chiropractor and she and he run a business and she says I'm better than the massage therapist:) )

This morning I wrote my first exam, Shakespeare, at 9 am. It was early and shakespeare....what else can I say about it. AND I was late because my dad was driving my cousins to the airport after he dropped me at school, and they made me a little late to my exam...but I forgive them...cuz they're not here very often :P Now only 4 more exams to go *sigh* but even that I can get through, I have so many positive things going on in my life right now that they balance the evilness of exams, even early morning exams. I think that's about it, all I can think of right now anyways. Overall, I have been having Very Good Times lately. Life is good.

I knew that I was going to cry when I got my York letter, I just didn't know whether they would be tears of joy or tears of grief.

Well I finally got my York letter today.

They were tears of joy. I got my acceptance letter and I'm going to teachers college this fall!!!!!!! I'm going to be a teacher! I've waited for so long for this, and now it's finally happening, I got in! I am now officially a teacher candidate, in my first choice of schools for it!

I am so happy and excited and relieved, I can't even really begin to describe it all.

This has been one of the best days I've had in a long time.

The Countdown is over. Teachers College Admission letters are being mailed out today. And so the waiting game begins again...

So much work to do, and so little time. Taking a little break from writing one of the many essays due this coming week. My back and teeth were bothering me, so I had to get up and take a little break...which consisited of coming to my computer :P The stress of waiting to hear from teachers college has been getting worse and worse as the date comes closer. It's a stressful time of year anyway, what with school drawing to a close and so many things being due, but the EXTRA stress about teachers college has a gillionafied it approximately. Practically everyday this past week I have had a mini break down, sometimes stressing about TC, sometimes about other things. Stress really can play havoc with your emotions, and if I hadn't know that before, this year would sure as hell have shown me. Things that normally would just make me sad, or maybe make my eyes water, have been making me flat out cry my eyes out, like sad tv commercials or radio ads. It's all just so much, and there has to be an emotional release somehow I guess. It's just a lot to take, but Monday the admission letters go out...so soon I will know one way or another what I will be doing with at least the next year of my life...*fingers crossed*

I voted today in the By Election YaY! Very exciting. Even though when I presented my voting card I was not on the list. They lost me...or as the woman put it, I was missing in action. Even though I have voted before. Well, eventually they found me....not the same people...I had to go to the 'help' desk, and that woman actually knew what to do. Turns out the first woman was looking for my name under one of my middle names...even though my mother...who has the exact same last name as me....had just voted before me at the exact same station...duh! Some people are just naturally a little slow I guess...Anyways thats my election story, and I'm stickin to it:P

Hoo-Ray for Voting!

Election days Rock!

Proud to be a Votin' Canadian!

I never want to let my age define who I am. I don't want it to limit how I act, how I dress, or who I'm friends with, what I want to do or what I think I can do. Sometimes other people define who I am by it, but I hope that I never fall into that trap and do that to myself. My age is only one part of who I am, only one small facet of what makes up my personality, I recognize it's not who I am, but only one part of it. And in knowing this, I try not to judge other people by their ages, not to define who I think they are or what they are capable of doing, just by how many years old they are. I try to just take it as part of who they are, and I hope that I am able to break through some peoples preconceptions of me by my age, by showing how capable and talented I am through what I do and how I choose to act. You know how there are some people who will brush you off, or treat you differently because you're younger....with the idea in their mind that you can plainly see in their attitude, 'oh, she's just 22'. Well, I know some people like that, and I'm not going to let them define who I am, I can show who I am by just being me and letting them see that.

I am so lame sometimes I just have to laugh. Well, maybe that's not really being fair to myself, but I certainly am an emotional wreck from all the stress I've been under lately.

Example.
This morning I was getting ready to go the school I volunteer at Friday afternoons, and as usual I was running late. So I was hurredly brushing my teeth, and upon suddenly looking closer, I realized to my shock HOW much the spaces in my upper teeth have actually closed in from the braces. I was so happy, I just started to cry. It was ridiculous, here I am, running late, brushing me teeth, crying in the bathroom. I was just so happy, and relieved, and kind of in shock I guess that it is actually working. It's been six monthes this month since I got the upper braces on, and it seems like both such a long/and short time. It's a really frustrating process because I can't really see the gradual process in my teeth myself. But you know, it's like every once in a while I'll look closely and be amazed by what I see. I have been really self conscious about my teeth for so long, and the braces have seemed to been on for so long already, it just seemed like one of those things that will never happen. Like I know eventually I will have nice straight teeth, but I can't really imagine it. And seeing, REALLY realizing that the spaces where I had teeth removed is at LEAST, if not more, than half of what was there originally after the extractions, just really hit me. On one hand, I felt so happy, on the other hand ridiculous because I was crying in my bathroom over the fact that my teeth had moved. It just really got to me, it's like it's actually happening. And I have been self conscious about my teeth for so long, the fact that the braces are actually working, that I can see it starting to happen, just overwhelmed me with joy and shock and relief and I don't know what else. Even now it's bringing tears to my eyes because I'm so happy, and thankful. And maybe that sounds ridiculous, but I am an emotional person, what can I say, my emotions often run away without my consent. However this constant waiting to hear from teachers college (10 days til admission letters are mailed....I mean 9 now!) is just really stressing me out so much, and making me feel like an emotional trainwreck right now. I know, this too shall pass...but in the meantime I think the stress is making me overemotional and sensitive. However that's my little sharing piece for the day, it might not mean much to anyone else, but it was kind of like my little epiphany for the day, and maybe it will give some hope to someone else reading this and suffering through braces. :)

Know what?

I am now officially on the Backwoods Board of Directors, I have been offered a new babysitting job, I have a new pretty necklace my brother brought me from Spain, and I have lots of chocolate (some of it is even from europe oooohhhh:P).

I am having a very good day :)

York Interview is done, and now only a few weeks to go until I know what I will be doing this fall...

And so the countdown begins...

HAPPY ST.PATRICK'S DAY!

It's the wearin' o' the green day, and I definately will be wearing plenty of it. Very proud to be a Canadian with Irish heritage, from both sides of my family. With a name like mine, how can I help but celebrate? :P hehehe Hope everyone has a great St.Paddy's Day, and remember.....Go IRISH!

P.S. going to go put green food dye in my hair now :)

.....................................................

Update: Very disgruntled. Someone used up all the green food dye, and didn't get more, so I had none for my hair.

This is freaky...apparently I act exactly my age? NOT! I took another quiz and it told me my inner child was six...but here is this quiz result anyways...

You Are 22 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

and more quizs to procrastinate...even though I should be doing other things....

Your Inner Child Is Angry

You're not an angry person.But when you don't get your way, watch out.Like a very manipulative kid, you will get what you want.Even if it takes a little kicking and screaming.

How Is Your Inner Child?

Ok much as I hate to admit it, this one is kind of true...:P angry inner child :P

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul.You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful.In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Your Seduction Style: The Coquette

You are a pro at playing the age old game of hard to get. Your flirting style runs hot and cold, giving just enough to keep them chasing you. Independent and self-sufficient, you don't need any one person to make you compelte. And that independence is exactly what makes people pursue you.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

Your Pimp Name Is...

Peachy Tease

What's" Your Pimp Name?

Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman

Inside you've got the passion and ideals of a teenagerAnd your intensity for life is what attracts most of the men you dateYou also like to party - and quite often you're the life of the partyYou've brought the best of your younger years with you... at least most of the time.

Are You A Girl Or a Woman?

You are Bettie Page

Girl next door with a wild streakYou're a famous beauty - with unique lookAnd the people like you are cultish about it

What Famous Pinup Are You?

I GOT MY INTERVIEW LETTER FOR YORK! YES!! FINALLY!!!
That just made my day yesterday. After monthes of anxiously waiting, once I had given up checking my mailbox everyday, my letter giving me an interview date for york's teacher's college program finally came. I am so glad, and so relieved that I at least got an interview...that means they are actually considering me! The interview is schedueled for Thursday though, which is really freaking soon! Less than a week to prepare! So I am already anxiously plotting what I am going to say, and wear, and how to wear my hair...:P Hey that stuff is important too, haven't you ever watched What Not To Wear? However my interview also got schedueled during a really busy week for me schoolwise; on top of interview stress prep I also have to do two short (2-3 pg) english assignments, a 10 pg essay, prepare a seminar presentation to run by my prof by Wednesday, and I have another whopper of an essay which I am supposed to have started by now, but haven't...who has the time? Oh yes, and I am supposed to have another essay proposal done but it's not technically worth marks, and I am just going to ignore that one for now...and that's not including the readings I am supposed to have done for this week such as history chapters, 2 or 3 plays, and a novel...
So already I am crazy stressed out about the week to come. But I am going to focus and try and cut at least 2 of those assignments off my list tonight. I will have all the assignments done (hopefully) by the end of this week-end, or Monday at the latest, so I can focus on my seminar presentaion and teachers college interview. Oh and on top of everything else, I am trying to find a summer job, filling out applications and such. So I'm feeling a *lil* stressed and crazied out, but I just gotta focus and get it all done. Although my interview came at such a crazy busy time, I am so glad to have it that I am beating back my natural procrastination skills and tryingto put my weekend to good use. It's the only way I'm not going to give myself a stress related ulcer/ or anxiety attack by the end of next week I think :P
All the busy things need to be done early in the week, so at least I have the comfort of knowing I will be done this batch of busy time after Thursday, and be able to enjoy next weekend a little...there are people I want to hang out with!

There are two things in my life that you don't fuck with; my family, and my acting. Anyone who really knows me know this, and yet various people have messed around with one, or the other, or sometimes even both at once. I'm a pretty open person and I'd say most people know that those are two aspects of my life that are tremendously important to me, and that I am very protective of. I am far liklier to forgive someone who has done something to me, than to someone in my family. While I can get over things done to me, I am far less likely to forgive someone for hurting my family; that is one of the few areas I definately hold a grudge in. I may sound like a gangster here, but I do have that mentality of 'you mess with my family, you mess with me'. I could understand someone who didn't know me not knowing how I would react to those areas of my life being threatened, I wouldn't condone it, but I could understand it. However, what baffles me is the people who know me not getting that; people who I have spent considerable amounts of time with in the past, not understanding how I would react, how I would take offense to those areas of my life being threatened or messed with. I don't understand it, and I don't think I ever will, but I guess that's just life.

There is SO going to be Elvis music played at my wedding.

You know what's creepy?
It's creepy when you're on a school field trip, bowling with a bunch of little kids in the middle of the afternoon, and old men check you out.
Very Creepy.

Stupid Fucking Braces.
End of post.

In intense and incredible physical pain. Yesterday was a complete write off of a day, and today pretty much too. Yesterday I got my bottom wire put on, and the elastics on my top braces changed. I was expecting so much pain, because I've already had the top ones on for a while. Well my god it was terrible, worse than the first time I even got them on. I hurt so much that the 2 advils I took didn't even dull the pain, didn't even take the edge off. So basically, all I did yesterday was take 2 advils every four hours, wrap myself in a blanket and lay around watching tv, not eating. I kept taking the advil, even though it didn't seem to be doing anything....maybe it would have made my head explode if I hadn't taken it though. I do not rememebr the last time I was in pain like that; imagine having a really bad toothache, one that goes right down from the roots of your tooth to the tips, and then imagine having that in every single tooth, and multiply that by about a thousand....thouse million maybe...and you get an idea of what I was feeling. I was expecting the bottom wire to be more managable pain since I had already experienced the trauma of the top barces wire going on, and so knew what to expect. But no no....a dreadful, horrible experience, which pains not only my mouth but this week down my jaw, chin, and right up into my ears. At least the advil dulled the pain a little bit today, but I just want it to go away. Hardly ate anything today either....this is why I'm losing weight. This has been a very bad week so far. And I have to go teach drama to grade 7's today, with a very pain filled mouth...having to be loud (it hurts my mouth to talk loudly) and patient when I'm in pain....this'll be fun...:(

I broke myself again. I was being industrius and sorting, and tidying a whole bunch of crap that has been piling up for a while, and I told myself I would do over reading week. So it was going good and I was pretty pleased with myself. There was a humoungous pile of papers for recycling and a lovely absence of huge piles of papers, I just had some sorted piles I had to put away. So I opened up the first drawer of my file cabinet, and nothing more would fit. I opened up the 2nd drawer to see what was in it (leaving the 1st drawer open, bc I have some clothes hung up on the handle of the 1st drawer and I can't open the lower drawers without having it open first). Discovering that someone else had appropriated what little space was left in it, I then opened the 3rd drawer, and just had enough time to jump back out of the way as my entire 4 cabinet file cabinet came crashing down. It made a very loud, very bad noise...it's a pretty good sized sucker. Of course though it wasn't just the cabinet that was crashed over, drawers laying crookedly open, my TV had also fallen off the top of it, knocking a good sized gouge out of my bookshelf, as I was to discover. It also knocked some trinkets on my bookshelf around, and broke the edge of one of my favourite candle holders. As I kept checking for damage I discovered it had also knocked down my curio cabinet off the wall as it smashed down. I was horrifed, I have a lot of little things I value in it, and it has a glass front, and if they haad all broke I think that would have upset me most of anything. Well, f the tv/file cabinet did knock the display (curio) case off the wall, but fortunately as it did it ripped a piece of wood off the edge, releasing the glass front so that it hadn't shattered. The case is missing a chunk, but the glass and almost all the things inside are ok. only one unicorn broke his leg :( And my TV is now a little worse for the wear, having left some black marks on my bookcase, but it's apparently tougher than it looks because we plugged it back in and it still works fine! However, 2 of my file cabinet drawers are now whacked out, they don't fit properly anymore; my dad is away for the week end and I am hoping once he gets back he will be able to fix them. This is what I get for trying to tidy things I guess huh...well, despite the bad things that happened, they could have been a lot worse, so I am glad they weren't. I'm really tensed up now though, it was startling and jarring to the nerves. As well, I mentioned I am broken again. I don't know whether I hurt myself jumping back out of the way of the falling obstacles, or when I lifted that huge HEAVY bugger back up (even with the help of my mum), or from a combination of both, but I am injured. Right after we got the cabinet back up I ould feel I had strained my back a little. But I think my left side is out, because my left ankle and knee feel very poorly, as does my left wrist, and they are tingling like when your foot goes to sleep...which means there's a nerve pressing somewhere obviously. Why is it I always have to hurt myself on the weekend when there is no where open to fix me? They don't have emergency chiropractors unfortunately, nor emergency massage therapists, and I can tell I need to go to both. This day was going so well and now it's turned to crap. I hate being broken and it always happens on the weekend...

Valentine's Day.
It's like someone with a really perverse sense of humour said, hey, let's make a holiday that will make all the single people feel really alone and really depressed...what a great idea! Thanks a lot...

If you're part of a couple I think it can be really nice. I'm not all about the commercialization of Valentine's day, but you can show your affection for your partner without forking out a load of cash.

However, for those of us not in a relationship, it can be pretty depressing. It might not be so much, if it was not so over the top advertised like everywhere; stores, school, tv....what have you.

But it's like, for me, everywhere I go, not only on Valentine's day but over the week before as well, there are constant reminders that I am going to be alone on this day of couples. The commercials about the chocolate, the Constant jewellry ads, just every where I look or go. It feels unfair to constantly shove these things in everyones faces, it's annoying. Like I said, I'm not downing on people celebrating being together, it's just this over advertised, over commercialized part of it that annoys and depresses me. If I was with someone on Valentines day I would happily celebrate it, but I don't see the need to commercialize it to the extent that it alienates and depresses most of the single population out there.

I think, no wait I KNOW, I'm going to be indulging in a lot of chocolate, a little self pity at least, and sappy, mushy movies that'll make me cry like a big baby tomorrow night.

I don't want to be depressed, and I try not to be, but I know I will be. So, I'll make sure I'm stocked up on chocolate and kleenex for tomorrow, and I'll get through it. *sigh* I'm such a girly girl sometimes.

You know what's sad about Reading Week? I'm actually going to be reading...I have a paper due on the first day back to school, amoung other things.
But, I'm sure I'll find at least a *little* time to have fun too though :P

My Alan Alda goals;

1. To watch all his movies/TV shows/productions
2. To see him act live
3. To meet him
4. To act with him

I am currently working on the first one, watching all Alan Alda movies/TV shows, and once I accomplish number 2, seeing him act live, I am pretty sure I can get number 3 done, meeting him, at the same time. Number 4, I can only hope...I think for that one I may have to wait a little while, but I can keep working on my acting career and hope one day to accomplish it.

Brunette brunette brunette brunette. Do you know I don't miss being a blonde? Only problem is that my headshots are blonde and now don't match my current state of head-colourness...hmmm...well, I hope people aren't too surprised if I send out blonde pics and then show up at the audition brunette! Not much I can do about it...so I will laugh about it instead. :P

A question I have been asking myself -
is it bad that I hope he gets hurt like he hurt me?

I think that's a horrible thing to wish on anyone. On the surface I tell myself I don't want that, but deep down I think I actually do. Then I think about it and how terrible being hurt like that is, and I don't want to wish that on anyone.

I really don't know sometimes, and sometimes...often...my head and heart tell me two different things. Life is so confusing.

The Canadian Flag is Red.
The Liberals are Red.
It's a Sad, Sad day when our flag turns blue.

I watched the election coverage all night, yelling at my TV, hoping.
But the Conservatives won. I am very sad. :(

I VOTED! I was so excited all day today that I was going to vote, anytime anyone mentioned the election I was like YAY I get to vote! So ok, I'm a nerd...whatcha gonna do about it? :P Now to watch the polls roll in tonight...*fingers crossed*

An example of how I have changed since I started university.

In first year when I was looking over the English courses I read the course description for Bible and Literature. I laughed my ass off, mocked it considerably, wondered why anyone would take it who was not religious, and said, yeah That's a course I'll never be taking...

This semester I am taking Bible and Literature II.

Never thought I'd see the day. But I needed a course, and the more I learned at University, particularily about the huge amount of biblical allusions, and the connections between a religious based society and literature, the more sense this course made to me.

From 1st year to 4th year...grown up a little more now...and not mocking the course.

I will however still mock the fact that I have to BUY a bible for school...there is only so much a person can change after all:P

After approximately a year and a half of being blonde, it feels good to be a brunette again.

Happy New Years Everyone!

Hugs and Kisses and have a Rockin' Good Time!

I remember sitting on your lap, laughing
Looking in your eyes
Playing the game
Thinking you wanted me
Talking in the shadows
Teasing words and playful touches
Watching and listening to you
Helping you rehearse that role
For someone else
I thought I could fill it
But you wouldn't even let me try
Walking up that path with you
I guess the moonlight mislead me
And my hopes caught on fire
Blazing high
Then burning to nothing
Instead of steadily lighting our way

The long walk to heartache
Uphill battle
Instead of helping me
You watch me struggle,
Almost fall
And you leave me behind
To travel back down the path
In the dark and alone
Heartbreak stalks me
It trips me and I fall
A hard bed and a dark, cold city
Stop to remind me
That I won't be allowed to forget

In the year 2006 I resolve to: Sleep my way to the top. Get your resolution here

It'd be interesting to see how I'd manage to do this one....

In the year 2006 I resolve to: Get the chick next door pregnant. Get your resolution here

I cannot believe I got ID'd buying a Christmas lottery ticket last night...apparently I don't even look 18 anymore? I haven't been ID'd for the lotto since the day I turned 18...crazyness. This is also the latest I've ever finished up my Christmas shopping, it's been such a crazy busy year I just finished up yesterday! But now I have all the presents, and most of them are actually wrapped. I visited Jenn and her family on Thursday night, which I really enjoyed. Hadn't seen her in like forever it seems; and her kids are absolutely adorable. Cookies are baked, goodies are ready to be eaten, I can hear Christmas music drifting in from the kitchen, and Flintstones christmas show is playing on TV...presents piled up, my Nanas here, and more family is coming over tomorrow, so we're on our way to Christmas! I'm very excited, and happy that the holidays are finally here, and I get to relax and enjoy Christmas. I hope everyone has an fun, loving holiday with family and friends, full of good food and good fun, and I wish you all a Merry Christmas!

You ever have that feeling like you were over someone, then you find out that they're with someone else, and it really hurts? Kind of like a punch in the chest, a drop in the pit of your stomach, or your eyes filling up...but while you're hurt, you feel angry at the same time? Yeah, that feeling really sucks...and that's just how I feel right now.

Sometimes I just look around and realize how good I really have it.
Sometimes it's a moment in a tv show, or a commercial, a line from a song on the radio, or an ad,
that strikes a chord somewhere within me, and my eyes fill up, and it just makes me stop and think about the suffering that goes on in the world. Sometimes it's a specific thought, if I heard an Ad or commercial for something, sometimes it's more general, like after watching a documentary a while ago. Either way, it makes me stop and think and appreciate what I have. Sometimes in the midst of bitching about exams, or school stress, or relationship conflicts, I just have one of those moments, and it reminds me of what a really good life I do have. And how lucky I am to have it. And it just makes some things, not seem less imporatnt, but puts them in perspective. I've been having a number of those moments lately, maybe because it's getting closer to christmas and there is a lot more advertising for people in need. Whatever the reason, sometimes it's good to just take a moment, take a breathe, and realize in spite of the trials of life, it's Good.

hehehehehehehehe. I like it...



from http://sexy.namedecoder.com/

Applications are in. It's like a giant weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Literally. When I mailed the last one off on Tuesday I could literally feel my stress level decrease...at least a little. Now I have done all that I can do in this process, and have to play the waiting game. At least, all I can do until I get called for interviews...hopefully. Handed in another essay today, which m,eans I only have one more to write then I'm done, except for exams. My first exam is SATURDAy the 9th at 9 freaking AM. No likely. I don't do so well with the early exams. So that's Saturday, then exams on Monday, Wednesday, and the last one on the 22nd. So although I am still stressed, I am very happy that all my teachers college applications are done, and in, and I've done all I can for now. Today, er, rather yesterday at this late hour, was the deadline for the applications to be in. *sigh of relief*
On a different note; elections have been called again, YAY! I am very excited that I get to vote again, I am even considering doing some campaign volunteer work this time around. I think that would be so cool. I love being involved with my country and I love being able to vote. *does a little happy dance* If anyone wants to discuss the election campains and canidates and whatnot I am very happy to do so, but a request/suggestion; Please keep it CIVIL. Be positive, and don't get personal. I get really offended when people attack me for the political views I have or support, and I'm going to be a lot more stringent in not putting up with it this time around. You don't have to like or agree with what I believe, and I love a good arguement, but keep it to the arguement, don't get personal or judgemental. That's how I feel anyways, I think that's about it for now.

I am so stressed out. Finishing up teachers college applications which have to be mailed. A gazillion essays. Worries about where I'll be and what I'll be doing next year...I really want this. I am so majorly stressed out lately, but by this time next week the applications will have been mailed and be there, so then it becomes the waiting game, and at least I will have done all that I can for the moment. Please Please Please let me IN *prays to the teachers college gods*.

Lest we forget.

In Flanders Fields

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders Fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders Fields.

- John McCrae


The price of freedom is high, and although I am not a pro war person, I honour the memory of the men and women who fought for us so long ago.

They bought our freedom with their lives.

Never forget.

Oh and by the way, I forgot...

Happy Halloween Everyone!

I am so incredibly stressed. I will be so glad when this semester is over, and all my teachers college applications are done and handed in. Blech...

I can fool everyone but myself.

Who knew?

mmmmm gummies...

Gummy Bears

You may be smooshie and taste unnatural, but you're so darn cute.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Dawn CatYour Superpower is WillpowerYour Weakness is Tummy RubsYour Weapon is Your Mind NunchucksYour Mode of Transportation is Cloud

What's" your Superhero Name?

Your Seduction Style: Sweet Talker

Your seduction technique can be summed up with "charm"You know that if you have the chance to talk to someone...Well, you won't be talking for long! ;-) You're great at telling potential lovers what they want to hear.Partially, because you're a great reflective listener and good at complementing.The other part of your formula? Focusing your conversation completely on the other person. Your "sweet talking" ways have taken you far in romance - and in life.You can finess your way through any difficult situation, with a smile on your face.Speeding tickets, job interviews... bring it on! You truly live a *charmed life*

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Interesting that one...

Your Hidden Talent

You are a great communicator. You have a real way with words.You're never at a loss to explain what you mean or how you feel.People find it easy to empathize with you, no matter what your situation.When you're up, you make everyone happy. But when you're down, everyone suffers.

What's" Your Hidden Talent?

Your Kissing Purity Score: 66% Pure

For you, kissing isn't a casual thing Lip to lip action makes your heart sing

Kissing Purity Test

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it. In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person.You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend.Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

Man, remember the days when I used to be able to eat real food? I sure do. Those were good times...I miss that.

update - the tv is constantly playing commercials of yummy looking food that i cannot yet eat. It's cruel! stupid products and their desire to sell them for profits...*shakes fist*

How can it possibly be October?

Getting braces sucks. Getting braces sucks HARDCORE.
I'm back to liquids and very soft foods like mashed potatoes again.
I tried eating some very, very soft pizza yesterday because I thought I might be able to manage it.
I couldn't, I got through less than half of it. It hurt to much when I chewed because of the temporary spacers between my molars.
I have no energy because I have hardly been eating anything, besides nutrition shakes (which aren't very filling let me tell you). And mashed potatoes, or soup,or today I thought of squash. You get the idea. It's sad how happy I was to eat potatoes, squash, and ice cream today.
And I feel like crap.
Just when I was getting back to somewhere near normal again. I had recovered from the surgery enough I was eating many regular foods again. True, I had to have all of my food cut up in managable, small bite sized pieces (because I am missing three of the front teeth I usually bite with), but I was back to pretty regular food again. You know, chicken, carrots, pizza, fruit ect.
Now I'm back to where I started.
This whole experience is terrible. I know I will be very glad when I am done, and have beautiful straight teeth. But the whole getting there is horrible.
It hurt like a bitch getting them on. That was mostly the temporary spacers she shoved between my back teeth, to make room for the anchors for the wire that goes on next week.
But the brackets are no fun either. My mouth is getting rubbed raw. I have wax to put on them if they are rubbing certain spots, but I can't cover every single bracket with wax.
During the time I was recovering from the oral surgery my tongue was constantly going numb on and off. I thought that had finally stopped.
Then I went to the orthodontist and she pushed and poked and shoved and jammed everything around.
Now that recurring numbness has come back, seems the placement of the braces have reaggravated everything again.
I just keep telling myself it's all for my acting. When I feel like trying to pry these silly things off, I remind myself why I am doing it. Why I need to do it.
But it's been a really terrible week. I have missed too much school because I've been so weak and grotty feeling.
I don't mean to scare anyone who has yet to get braces. Granted I do have very sensitive teeth, and it depends on the person, everyone reacts differently. But it's been a very bad experience for me.
But I'm so tired of it all already, and this is only the beginning. This is going to be a very long, 2 years or more process. That really depresses me. Everyone keeps saying it will get better, it's hard to believe when I feel like this, but I really hope so.
The wire goes on Monday, apparently my teeth needed a week to move a little for the rest of the stuff they need to put on, or move, or whatever.
It's been a really trying month. A really painful month. I'll get it through it. I know I will. But it will certainly be a trial.

So I finally tried posting earlier today, and the blasted blogger site was down. However it is back up now so it's ok :) Just a quick update here I think. The wednesday before school started I had surgery. dental surgery. I had to have three teeth removed in preperation for my braces. It sucked hardcore. i was knocked out while it was done, but of course felt like garbage and completly out of it when I woke up. Came home and stumbled into bed, where I stayed most of the time for the next four or five days, eating very little, and liquids when I did. I also of course had side effects which they like say may happen, but hardly ever do...for example, half of my tongue was numb on and off for about a week and a half. That SUCKED hardcore. That surgery really knocked it out of me, I am still recouperating from it, and my gums still healing. Besides the anastetic and drugs they gave me, and all the pain killers I had to take afterwards, I wasn't eating very much so I was really weak, and my endurance is still pretty low. So I had a pretty tough time getting through the first week of school, feeling the way I did. I'm not all the way recouperated but I'm getting there. I am enjoying all my classes so far, and like all my prof's. I'm particularily glad to be taking Canadian History. I saw my prof today and even got permission to write my essay on the effects of the rebellion of 1837, which is what the Spirit Walk is about. Which brings me to the next thing; Spirit Walk. Dress Rehearsal was last night, and after we got our 3 unlucky happenings out of the way it went well. I even saw a shooting star and told Katrina it was a sign for good luck. Apparently I was right. Opening night is Tomorrow, and the show runs Thursday, Friday, Saturday this year. I am excited, but nervous, to be Stage Managing this production with such a HUGE cast and stage. If anyone is interested in getting tickets let me know. School is really busy already, but I am looking forward to just immersing myself in good theatre and good people this week end. Oh yeah, and teachers college applications are FINALLY out and I've started the long process filling them out already. I'm stressed about that already, but also very excited and nervous. I really hope I get in. I think that's about it for now, this turned into a longer post than I anticipated. Hopefully I'll update again sooner than last time :P

oh P.S. I'm gettin the braces on Monday!

The following is from my cousin Mary-Beth's live journal, and it was so beautiful I just thought I'd post it here and share it with you all. It certainly made my eyes tear up, and I am so happy for her, that she so early found the person she wanted to be with for the rest of her life, that she and her hubbie are happily married now, that they found each other. I just thought it really captured what love is, what love can be, what I hope I can someday find.

"Thanks glandril Thanks for everything baby:Thanks for letting me go to your house all day, thanks for feeding me, thanks for loving me, thanks for understanding what I'm going through, thanks for helping me through all of this, thanks for knowing what to say to make me smile, thanks for knowing what to do to make me feel happy, thanks for knowing what to do to make me feel good *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* thanks for letting me cry in your arms, thanks for letting me be me, thanks for talking sense into me in my stupid moments, thanks for loving me, thanks for letting me into your heart, thanks for always being there for me, thanks for letting me call you late at night (or in the middle of the workday for you, I guess), thanks for being my light, thanks for being my angel, thanks for being my godsend, thanks for being you, thanks for loving me, thanks for wanting to share your life with me, thanks for putting up with all of my problems, thanks for always being there, thanks for never leaving me, thanks for everything. (I'm sure I missed something there, but my eyes are too filled with tears thinking about how lucky I am, and how much I love you)Je t'aime, mon ange, mon coeur, mon esprit, mon amour, je t'aime toujours."

from http://www.livejournal.com/users/skippyalto/125697.html

I feel like I have kind of drifted apart from some people this summer. It's not that I didn't want to see everyone, but everyone seems to be so busy, I'm busy, it seems so hard to stay in touch with some people sometimes. Some of them it's a matter of distance, some it's just our free time never seems to overlap. Some, I just don't know why. And I miss the friends I haven't seen this summer. I am sure that I could have made more of an effort, but at the same time, so could they have. I guess as we all start to move on, into different directions in our lives, some people will drift away

I forgot to mention that I am finally getting my braces on in September! This is good news. However before that happens I have to have extractions done. I am going to the oral surgen and getting put right out for that since they have to remove THREE freaking teeth. This is to be done September 7th, only the week before school starts. Need I say I am scared witless? :S

oh and P.S. I will probly not be smiling much at anyone until the said braces are on and you can't see where the missing teeth should be :P

So rehearsals have started once again for Spirit Walk. 3 nights a week, and though it's a fair time commitment I really am loving it. Oh it's not all fun. there is stress and challenges, but I have come to the conclusion that it really is good for me. I am having to do things which, while I know I am capable of, I am not necessarily very comfortable with. Having to be in control of situations and people who, as often as not are twice my age, and that can be a little intimidating. However, after last year it is easier, and it keeps getting easier. Having to call up the random missing rehearsal people and be like Why weren't you at rehearsal, running scenes with people who aren't necessarily the best listeners, directing in the absence of John or Catherine, these are some of the things involved with being stage manager which are a challenge for me, but in a good way. This role, and the support I have from the people behind the production like my director john, assitant director catherine, and producer katrina, are really helping me become more confident in myself and my abilities. It's helping me learn better how to make people listen to me. Yes I can do it when I need to but I don't often want to do it unless I have to. So being in a situation where I have to take charge; where I need to be vocal and assertive in order to help make a successful production, in order to do my job right, really provides me with a good oppourtunity to polish up these skills which I will need not only if I'm going to be a successful teacher and actor, but successful in anything. There are a lot of wonderful people in this show, but quite frankly there are people who I get the feeling don't take me seriously. Whether it's because I'm only 22, or not the most imposing person physically, or they don't think I have the personality for the job or what, I don't know. But those people are the ones that make it most difficult to try and take control of the rehearsal from, it's not there job but they like to be in charge or centre of attention. With each rehearsal where I push myself to meet the challanges like that, it gets a little easier. I really feel that this production is helping me to grow as a person, and although I don't always enjoy the challanges presented by it, I am very glad to be involved with it. And the faith, support, and encouragement of John, Katrina, and Catherine is greatly appreciated.

The play I was supposed to be next week got cancelled, due to unfinished construction on the site. Everything was supposed to be finished in time for the August production. Boo to that. I am sad :(

Some people have no idea about me.
And that's all I really have to say on the subject.

Oh yes, and I am completly addicted to The Sims Online.
It's like computer crack...

My cousin Mary-Beth is getting married this Saturday. I am very happy for her, and excited, both for her and because this will be the first wedding I have ever gone to. :) Hoo-ray! *thinks happy thoughts*

On a different note, we did our performance of Wolf's Tale on Canada Day. I think it went well, even though it was very hot. Many people stared at us in our costumes as we walked through the park to our stage, that was funny. Afterwards we had the cast party back a Mala's house. It was muchly fun. Put it in this context... we were back at her house by 3:30 (part of that delay due to car trouble) and I didn't leave until after 9 pm. It was good times. Just hanging out, eating tasty food, talking up a storm. Just chillin. Then I came home and saw my family, slathered cream on my sunburn, ate more food and spent time with them :) I am looking forward to having a girls night with Mala and Heather where we get to talk and pull apart everything that happened that day and recently lol. Oh the things that go on...anyways it was a very good holiday and I managed to get sunburned through my shirt. Alas the perils of fair skin. Overall it was a highly satisfactory Canada Day. Good friends, good family, and good food. :)